Update on mad major

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bushmills, Apr 4, 2013.

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  1. The latest news in Darwin is that the digital Telly system in the appartment block has gone down, locals are taking bets that the mad major is responsible.

    Am back to good old NI drills of checking under the car for wires.

    He really is awfully strange and I am glad he never got to play Felix in earnest.
  2. Set up an OP on the roof, gather evidence on video, then report to his CO.
    Or key his Beemer with the word KNOB.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Whenever something like this happens to me I ask for advice from strangers halfway across the globe.

    Not really. We breed real men here. Burn him out of his house and when he comes out he'll be weak from smoke inhalation, so you shouldn't be as scared of him as you normally are. Then kick his cunt in.
    • Like Like x 3
  4. Your plan, whilst commendable in it's objective, has a minor flaw.

    The clue to the flaw is in the words "apartment block"; otherwise a splendid suggestion.

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    • Like Like x 1
  5. Has he got or does he need a gun licence?
  6. If Bushmills was a tranny you'd rush to his defense quicker than you could say "Don't we look faaa-aabulous?".
  7. black nasty, its a god send, pull a length of the sticky thread fibres off, and lay it along the paintwork of his cark. He will come out and think its been keyed, it feels real. When he goes back in to phone the rozzers, get out quick and take the thread of.

    When the rozzers come to check its not there. Wasting police time.

    Or do what I have done in the past, take a stack of photocopies of his name and address around A5 size. when in town, you will get a charity mugger, hand over the paper with his details on and ask for more literature. Its an effort I know so give out a stack of these round your apartments, the sheer weight of spam mail through his letter box should slow him down.

    Or do what my mate did, put a advert in the free ads, Donkey free to a good home and put his work and home number in there.

    Or in extreme cases, send him a box set of Canesten, with the inscription for irritating cnuts,
  8. Can you get one of those whistles in a joke shop....... the kind you jam up a car exhaust?

    Brilliant, especially on diesels.

    I did it once over a period of days, pushing it in before his ride down to the harbour, then taking it out before the drive back to the hotel in the evening.

    It was a new 4WD, and my mechanic mate convinced him his turbocharger was about to explode........
  9. Aussie soap - the sequel. Who needs Neighbours or Home and Away when you have pap like this to entertain you......
  10. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    You're not wrong.
    At the first sound of a social inept lobbing his tackle in the blender, zero-over would be galloping round in pink armour with a bunch of virtual flowers and some web chocolates.
  11. There are no 'Mad Majors' in Darwin.

    Nobody can ever be commissioned if they come from Darwin.

    'Mad Privates/Local L/Cpls' maybe.

    Mad Majors?

  12. Cutaway

    Cutaway LE Reviewer

    Just rx'd a pic of a shim & his knight in mincing armour.

  13. You don't know the Aussie Army, my ex wife was bezzers with a major general's widow who had more tatts than Chopper Reid.

    The Aussies are very different to the Poms in that regard.

    We have even had a PM called "Kevin" and a Chief Minister for the NT called "Shane". I am waiting for a "Kyle" or a "Wayne" to become Governor General.

    Come to think of it, I think that I should have a chat with old mate's CO and suggest that he would benefit from "long look" so you buggers can put up with him.Maybe, you could send an old Etonian woodentop or donkey walloper to replace him?

    Imagine how many laughs he would my mad major provide in a tank park and the posh Pom would really enjoy Aussie mess life.

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  14. You even managed to lose a PM. Definitely a place very different for anywhere else. I'm with Bryson on that one..... Unique

    Sent via Heliograph from the Jebel Birkenhead
  15. Sometimes I think "speshul" a more apt phrase than "unique". Someone said on this site that Oz reminded them of a 1970's sarn'ts' mess and I think that they are probably correct.

    I also think that the legacy of jail house politics lingers as a look in my ex wife's, and therefore my son's family tree indicates a long line of thick light fingered loons.

    They are also a very insular society and because the original convicts tended to have a lot of kids, there are a lot of very big inbred families which leads to nepotism.

    However, the birds are good looking and quite broad minded and steak is cheap so one can't complain too much.

    Having said that, might be time for a trip back to Blighty.

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