Unsual places where you have spaffed your load.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Apr 16, 2011.

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  1. So troopers - when your on the vinegar stroke, whats your longest yardage you have blown your beans? Also where is the most unusal place that you have done it.

    The normal ones like sangers when your on stag at early bells and brazilain ladyboys on stag weekends dont count!

    I spaffed in a birds handbag once, as she left it near the end of the bed ,as I whipped the badger oot half a pound of my clotted cream went into her make up mirror and opened purse, every time I hear the song Dirty Cash by Stevie V, a wry smile appears on face....

    Yardage wise, pretty poor to be honest maybe a 3 footer?

  2. In a woman's vagina.

    Well, when you're married it definitely counts as 'unusual'!
  3. Half a pound? Are you an African elephant?
  4. In your wife.
  5. "Errectus Dickus Leviousa High Cockalorum Inums Gashums Spiff-Paff-splott.......!" ....
  6. I was on rear party once. I was in our Recce Plt and spent a lot of time in the Recce sheds (Hyderabad Barracks, Collie) maintaining our fleet of CVR (W). I was rifling through one of the shed cages for something or another when I found a NIREX folder belonging to one of my mates. I had a shufty through it and it was full of 'private' pictures of his missus, who was not half bad! So I climbed up into the turret of 09FD39 (my mates wagon) and cracked one off, depositing my gravy all over one of the pages. Instead of wiping it off, I left it where it was, closed the folder and left it in the turret, so that my mate would find my present the next time he had to do some turret servicing etc.
  7. Maybe not where I spaffed it, but where it ended up:

    On holiday in Gran Canaria with the then girlfriend many moons ago. We woke up on the first morning of the holiday in our second floor apartment and she decided to give me a nosh. Now she wasn't a swallower, so having shot my load, she jumped up from the bed with a mouthful of people paste, ran out naked onto the balcony and spat it over the side.

    She then shrieked "oh fuck!" and ran back inside. "What's up?", says I

    "There's a family down below there having their breakfast!". I nearly did myself an injury I laughed so much, which apparently was the wrong reaction!

    To the poor parents who had to abandon your idylic holiday breakfast in the sunshine and spend the morning washing my spunk out of your and your children's hair.... I am very sorry.
  8. To be honest, I did wonder where this was going!
  9. One of the best places was in a pad's wife's snatch whilst her husband was in NI.

    The ultimate place though would be my daughter's mouth.
  10. Most unusual for me would have been this one time in Gdansk
  11. Fucking patch panthers.
  12. HHH

    HHH LE

    Mine was that 20,000ft ,it landed on the lap of the chap beside me,he near crashed the plane!!!
  13. Front Gate in Abingdon 0300hrs (before they swopped ends) one guard inside the hut (me) and one (bird of desire) guard outside next to the barrier , she didnt notice the steaming up windows whilst we chatted....
  14. I used to work with a dirty fucker who used to nick peoples nbc outer gloves on exercise and shoot his load in to the fingers 'for a laugh'. He is now a Met PC, watch you kit folks!

  15. If you do porn that's really unusual!