Unshrinkable berets

Just been issued a new beret and the f**king thing just won't shrink. I've tried the normal hot / cold water to no avail. Ditto the microwave. It's been bubbling away on the stove for the last twenty minutes and the f**king thing's still hanging down below my ears! Getting a bit fecked off with it, has anyone got any tips.
I always used to carefully cut out the lining of mine, they shrink/ shape much better.

The ones you purchase privately with the leather hatband (I think they are for officers) are the easiest to turn into a warry jelly tot shape.

Found this one out on my mates beret.

Wet it, Then freeze it till its solid

Then nuke it!!

You have to be carful on this if you have a leather cap band as this will shrink so much you can wear it on your thumb!!
If you accidentally shrink the leather band then the solution is to slit the band and a SMALL amount of the beret itself underneath the hangy downy bit. Then use either a bit of black elastic or cotton ribbon across the cut (which is hidden underneath the aforementioned hangy downy bit) and bob is your mothers sister husband.
Cheers guys. Already cut out the lining but it still didn't shrink. I'll give the freezing and nuking a go though. Let you know what happens.
Vegetius said:
hangy downy bit

Is that a technical term? :D
Nah robbed from The Big Yin monologues on names for parts of the body. How the scrotum got its name! :lol:
I dont take the blame if it gets messed up!!
you could try pulling the slack inside the beret and use a balck cotton and needle sew it, to hold it in place .
quick tip .... bin the issue one ASAP and buy yourself a victors beret mate, one dip in hot water and straight on your head to prevent the band shrinking.

jobs a good un.
Speaking of berets: how do you get a beret of a certain vintage to stop honking? It's not like you can bung it in the washing machine ...
possible solution.... discovered thru misadventure.... one night many moons ago stumbled back in to the accomodation very very pished after much beer and found that most of the unifrom was nice and dry having been hung up after a day of torrential rain... but the beret was still soaked.... so as we drank our take home slabs of larger i deceided to try to dry out said beret with an iron... it did work, it dried and was nice and cozzy the next AM early when we had to do the standing arround hung over thing before sunrise

unfortunately one of our number managed to get distracted .... and left the iron on his beret and not only dried it... he shank it .... and left a iron shapped burn mark on it... which us being in the middle of no where with no chance of him getting hold of another bizarre coloured beret gave us something to laugh at

Back to beret shrinking, there are dozens of old tricks of the trade, to make them fit better, the ones that worked for me (appart from ironing) are
cutting out the lining
little cut under the hangy downy bit "fullness" for the spotters
taking a razor and shaving the furry fluff off the surface.... helps keeps the dust off it/ clinging to it (if your scary NCO's are taller than
hot and cold water whilst wearing it in the shower to shape it
a little stich in the foldy over bits so it retains the warry appearance you desire (but not full on sewing machine massacre though)
or how about take it to stores and exchange it i mean drastic but you never know it might work or alternativly just except youve got a weird shapped head and stick the nut in anyone who laughs at your misfortune
Mr Benn said:
Speaking of berets: how do you get a beret of a certain vintage to stop honking? It's not like you can bung it in the washing machine ...
My question wasn't a wind-up. If I'd asked about smelly helmets, I'd have understood your reluctance to answer. Now, I'm just offended.

So: how do you stop a guffy beret from whiffing? Or should I just learn to love it?
You'll just have to learn to love it I'm afraid. I dhobied mine after about eight years, (it really hummed) and it made no difference to the smell at all. If anything it made it worse!
I normally just give mine a wash in warm water with a bit of soap powder, then rinse well, you don't want a frothy head if it rains, wring it out till almost dry, then place on head and re-shape, keep on your head until almost dry then take it of keeping it in the required shape and allow to dry naturaly.


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