I was tucking my little girl up in bed last night. Part of the routine is that I sing her a couple of songs before giving her a little drink of water and saying goodnight. The songs of choice for the last few months have been 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' 'Sing a song of sixpence' and 'Go to sleep' which she's been more than satisfied with. She caught me on the hop last night, by demanding a new song. I tried to fob her off with another nursery rhyme but she started getting annoyed. Things are tight in our house. With four bambini under the age of seven, having one kick off at just the wrong time can get them all going, so I had to think fast, before she really went into one. What did I come up with? What did years of thinking on my feet produce out of my finely tuned napper. 'Snooker Loopy' by Chaz and Dave!!! I tentatively opened up with the chorus, realised I had her rapt attention and continued with a full, cockney, thumbs in imaginary braces rendition of the popular classic. She bl-oody loved it. My wife, who's worked as a promoter in the music industry since she left uni, stared on in horror as I pumped it out, with my right foot stamping the beat and my top half swaying from side to side. The only tricky bit was remembering the ball order for the fast speech chorus, "Pot the red and screw back, for the yellow, green, brown, blue, pink and black" It's a challenging line, on the same level as "Down in the tube station at midnight." "Again, again!!" came the cry from my daughter, when i'd finished. By the time i'd knocked it out three times, I had her joining in. On the last line, "Snooker Loopy nuts are we, we're all snooker ......." I'd point to her and she'd shout in her best Dick van Dyke accent, "LOOPY" Do any other ARRSERS use unorthodox means to get their kids to bed? You know what I mean. You love 'em and all that, but theres a big glass of wine waiting downstairs. I'd dance on a fcuking biscuit tin, if they'd just go to fcuking sleep.