Unhelpful tips for flood victims

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BaldricksBullet, Jul 23, 2007.

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  1. Anyone got any great tips for getting rid of water?

    On the way into work, I did think that in this day and age of technology, it should be possible to bury a big baloon under Gloucestershire... attach it to a politicians mouth or arrse and raise the county by a few meters...

    ... this however could result in a tidal wave that would knock out the brave tireless MoD workers in Bristol or Bath.

    So... other means of shifting water required.
  2. Was working on a flood site the other day, stood with the assembled residents of 3 cottages with a few inches of sewerage/water washing through the ground floors when my 'helpful' colleague returned and piped up.

    Mr Helpful: 'I've just come from xxxxx, they're under about 3 feet there, this is nothing!'

    3 hours of trying to be supportive and hearts and minds effort down the toilet.
  3. "Well Mr Smith, we are very overstretched at the moment. Here's a straw. Good luck!"
  4. Don't build housing estates on flood plains? Oh bugger, too late.

    All we need is for the huge water corporations to waste water hand over fist through leaking pipes. They can then refill their reservoirs with the flood water and charge Joe Public a fortune for the water they've already mopped out of their living room.

    What's the odds on a hose pipe ban next year?
  5. Elton John had some really good shoes in the film "Tommy" any flood victim would be glad of a pair of Eltons 3 foot high platforms.

    Come on Elton, you old puff, get your shoes out!
  6. move to Iraqistan?
  7. I really can't understand people being so bloody ungrateful , they now have huge swimming pools and boating lakes and still they aren't satisfied
  8. Live in an Ark and invest in some livestock 2 of each, apparently some bloke did it before
  9. Really some people...all they do is complain! If it isn't flooding its the hose-pipe ban! Make your minds up!!!!
  10. Ah... now that's got me thinking...


    Charming cottage (meaning - never been modernised) with a great view over open water. Mooring facilities and possibilities for a fantastic private pool...

    There's always a bright side
  11. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Very large sheets of blotting paper.

    Or, big rolls of that 'Bounty' paper that those two really hot birds advertise on tv.
  12. Not another blot on the landscape!
  13. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Boom boom!
  14. Sandbags only prolong the suspense. Put them to better use forming a revetment from which to repel the hordes of post-flood looters a la Zulu.
  15. Herds of Elephants will do the trick - they are mobile pumping stations!