Unhappy soldier/want out/home life

I must say gents a humbled by your response, I thought I would give arrse ago as you all have been there and done it. I know I sound a bit silly for a 32 year old man or a bit soft. I've always Delt with my own demons and issue by myself what's hasn't helped.

I will genuinely give the writing down of my thoughts a go,luckily enough my chain of command and my Sargent noticed I was low and got me on too mental health after crimbo and luckily kept quite from my troop. You are the first people I have asked for advice so I appreciate all of your input and advice. As I am awaiting my appointment with them this week.

So thank you for you time gents from rambling husband and father.
out of interest, how are your wife and kids feeling in their new regimental life? are they settled in school and happy?, is your wife employed/gainfully occupied eg being a mum? is their family and friends in the area and life outside the army? do you get involved in regtl/coy parties/sports/events? are you wasting energy fighting the system rather than relaxing and going with the flow?
- whilst you're navel gazing it may be the case that your family are actually quite content with their lot! someone else said speak to your wife lots - i concur! and at the same time take the time to speak to your kids and do family things etc
- i suspect being a nig your wages will be low which always adds pressure but thats the sort of the thing we all suffered at first, you just need to manage it as best as you can and your finances will improve with experience, quantification and promotion and also when you are away on scheme or ops
Lastly, I'm a life long singly who did 28 years so what do I know about marriage and kids? the answer is flip your experience on its head and consider the sad f**k that is me with no significant other or kids! I am actually jealous that Ill never have what you've got so remember that when you're down!
PS good luck:) - my first 6 months at my first unit in 1989 in Germany were hard because I was the section nig and was always getting 'crated' for honest mistakes or just 'because' but eventually I was accepted and never looked back! my trade and badge meant I moved units every 2-3 years and that was refreshing and invigorating
 
I was in a deep dark place a few ago myself. Drinking way too much trying to drown things out.

My saving grace, my Mrs. I was going to go fishing on a Saturday morning, had been drinking heavily the night before, she took the car keys off me, sat me down and read me the riot act. Upshot is that I'm now in a far better place, sought help and drink far less than i ever did.

Don't bottle things up, talk, get a hobby no matter what it is, learn to chill out and relax.
 
Really good to hear this.

And I'm glad you didn't do anything permanently stupid because you're temporarily upset.

So easy on these situations to feel bad about the ones around us when we're not firing on all cylinders. Cue the side order of guilt on top of everything else.

You didn't mention the gym though? Twice a week, even if you're just walking on a treadmill for 30 mins listening to Stevie Wonder, The Foo Fighters and Skillerex. You'll still be lapping those disgusting tubs of lard on the couch right?

Keep up the good work.
Yea back running again doing a lot cross country and doing my first marathon this year so being active always helps.

Once again gents cheers.
 
out of interest, how are your wife and kids feeling in their new regimental life? are they settled in school and happy?, is your wife employed/gainfully occupied eg being a mum? is their family and friends in the area and life outside the army? do you get involved in regtl/coy parties/sports/events? are you wasting energy fighting the system rather than relaxing and going with the flow?
- whilst you're navel gazing it may be the case that your family are actually quite content with their lot! someone else said speak to your wife lots - i concur! and at the same time take the time to speak to your kids and do family things etc
- i suspect being a nig your wages will be low which always adds pressure but thats the sort of the thing we all suffered at first, you just need to manage it as best as you can and your finances will improve with experience, quantification and promotion and also when you are away on scheme or ops
Lastly, I'm a life long singly who did 28 years so what do I know about marriage and kids? the answer is flip your experience on its head and consider the sad f**k that is me with no significant other or kids! I am actually jealous that Ill never have what you've got so remember that when you're down!
PS good luck:) - my first 6 months at my first unit in 1989 in Germany were hard because I was the section nig and was always getting 'crated' for honest mistakes or just 'because' but eventually I was accepted and never looked back! my trade and badge meant I moved units every 2-3 years and that was refreshing and invigorating
That's been one of the added pressure their was avalibilty on housing for a while and we have only just got a property living with the motherlaw for a while so that added pressure to a otherwise difficult situation. I'm a proud man like a lot of us and not providing a roof above there heads got me down as well. The last week or so there seems too be a bit more light at the end of tunnel what's nice. My wife can now look for employment again she is looks after difficult children and is involved in social care and she has missed her work also she felt she wasn't contributing herself.

I'm lucky unlike others I have got the support I needed I was open and honest about it and said the last thing I want is too be taken out of work because being busy helps. But the biggest lesson I am learning is talking to the wife a lot more.
 
Good to hear mate, spent a long time fighting off the "black dog" as people on here have said, get fit, join some activity club, involve the missus, Keep in touch on here most of them are dribbling tossers confined to the day room in the state funded home, but there is a wide base of experience and if nothing else you will get to hear some of the most ridiculous bits of advice spouted by the armchair heroes.
 
So you have nothing and very little chance of supporting your family without universal credit ," I'm hardworker and do anything that's asked of me " tells me you have no trade/skills or any chance of ever getting anywhere , stick at it and get a useful trade with the Army, theres SFA in civvy street for the unskilled except misery and poverty.

This.
 
Good to hear mate, spent a long time fighting off the "black dog" as people on here have said, get fit, join some activity club, involve the missus, Keep in touch on here most of them are dribbling tossers confined to the day room in the state funded home, but there is a wide base of experience and if nothing else you will get to hear some of the most ridiculous bits of advice spouted by the armchair heroes.

Dead right.


And don’t forget, strong lager and cider are excellent aids to emotional recovery.
 
Really good to hear this.

And I'm glad you didn't do anything permanently stupid because you're temporarily upset.

So easy on these situations to feel bad about the ones around us when we're not firing on all cylinders. Cue the side order of guilt on top of everything else.

You didn't mention the gym though? Twice a week, even if you're just walking on a treadmill for 30 mins listening to Stevie Wonder, The Foo Fighters and Skillerex. You'll still be lapping those disgusting tubs of lard on the couch right?

Keep up the good work.
all i would add to this is disco.

its hard to not get a lift when running to disco music. even if you dont particularly like disco music.
 
Just a update lads, as your words of advice have helped massively. I'm currently speaking too some one through the army about my problems what's not been the easiest for me, as I have always been closed off till I spoke on here. Ive took the attuide of throwing myself into my work and making the best of my situation and I've found being occupied has helped. Luckily enough I have a cracking ssm who is helping me and making sure it staying between me and my seragent. They allow me too goto my appointments and give me a cover story as questions are being asked.

My homelife is still not the best as Im still. Moody round the wife but luckily she very happy with me seeking the help that I needed. But I suppose opening up is the first part to helping me with my thoughts. I would like too be happier at home and be a better husband then I have been but slow process i suppose.

Once again gents I thank you. You don't realise how close I was to doing something silly and your words of advice have helped massively. I'm not there yet but hopefully on the right road.
Well done,you do indeed seem to be on the right road. I think Arsse has an important part to play in being a sounding off board if you like. There are many on here who have great knowledge and expertise in matters such as this. I very much hope things work out for you.
Pv
 

Dan9017

Clanker
Northover.... I believe I was In training with you (winchester)...I too feel down atm, I have not been able to switch off this year. I think it's defo an age thing I find it hard to fit in with people so much younger than me. As an older family man myself it just feels wierd.

My missus has said I have changed aswell, but that said I think it's just a formative phase tbh and will pass over with time.

Use summer leave to take a vacation, switch off for a few weeks ...........good luck
 

Rod924

LE
Kit Reviewer
I think we've all faced the 'finish basic and get to Bn/Regt'.....it's nothing like basic,is it? It wasn't like that for any of us. How long have you been out of training? You need to give it time and start to make it work to your advantage, you being older that the usual recruit.
This
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
all i would add to this is disco.

its hard to not get a lift when running to disco music. even if you dont particularly like disco music.
If you want to increase speed and aerobic fitness faster, listen to Meatloaf.
 
Just wanted to say gents thank I'm in a lot better place now and things slowly falling into place. Wife is working kids doing well what's made me a lot happier.

I seem to be doing well at work as well, I took everything what was said and trying to be a better, father and husband whats the most important thing. Things are not perfect and every now and then slip back to old habits, but from 2 years ago I'm a lot positive.

Also if I do get out I'm in a lot better place and have used the army to help me with courses education and quals to better myself. So once again gents thank you.
 
Just wanted to say gents thank I'm in a lot better place now and things slowly falling into place. Wife is working kids doing well what's made me a lot happier.

I seem to be doing well at work as well, I took everything what was said and trying to be a better, father and husband whats the most important thing. Things are not perfect and every now and then slip back to old habits, but from 2 years ago I'm a lot positive.

Also if I do get out I'm in a lot better place and have used the army to help me with courses education and quals to better myself. So once again gents thank you.
It's always good to hear / see a success story on here - well done, and keep at it.
 
It's always good to hear / see a success story on here - well done, and keep at it.
If wasn't sounding off on here and a few personal msg from people in this group I would of probably sigend off and things would of been very different. So the things that where said to me and the advice given I've taken on from here so I'm very grateful.
 
If wasn't sounding off on here and a few personal msg from people in this group I would of probably sigend off and things would of been very different. So the things that where said to me and the advice given I've taken on from here so I'm very grateful.
It's great to get positive feedback and i'm glad you stuck with it.
Witness this as one of the rare occasions that Arrse unanimously gave sage advice to a fellow traveller and didn't rip the piss out of them.
 
Just wanted to say gents thank I'm in a lot better place now and things slowly falling into place. Wife is working kids doing well what's made me a lot happier.

I seem to be doing well at work as well, I took everything what was said and trying to be a better, father and husband whats the most important thing. Things are not perfect and every now and then slip back to old habits, but from 2 years ago I'm a lot positive.

Also if I do get out I'm in a lot better place and have used the army to help me with courses education and quals to better myself. So once again gents thank you.
And on that note OP.
It's your round, I believe it's 35 pints of Lager with Jaegerbomb chasers and a big bag of cheese and Onion crisps.
Well done.
 

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