Unhappy soldier/want out/home life

Before any one comes out with normal shit it blah blah give it a go, I'm the idiot who has come back after injury from basic in 2015 and rejoined even then I thought it was stupid idea . I thought I was making the right choice for my family.

Right I'm 32 married with 3 Kids Just completed phase two and recently got to reg. I've had feelings for a while that it's not right for me lived too long being my own boss and working the normal life.

I've suffered with depression for a Long time due bit of a fun childhood( I will leave that their) hid it when I joined,but kept under control for a long time till crimbo when something set me off. I don't complain when I'm at work I get on with my job I think a lot of the lads like and respect me.

But it's effecting my home life my wife kids get the brunt of my frustration and anger as I don't want. I'm currently seeing dcmh to help with my lows and how it's effecting home life. I have started raising my voice to my kids and I've never done that.

So I'm just asking are there any lads that feel they hate the job and the life but don't show at work but take it home with them.

I would rather be unemployed keep my kids and wife happy then be miserable.by the way she supports me in what ever I do.
 
Before any one comes out with normal shit it blah blah give it a go, I'm the idiot who has come back after injury from basic in 2015 and rejoined even then I thought it was stupid idea . I thought I was making the right choice for my family.

Right I'm 32 married with 3 Kids Just completed phase two and recently got to reg. I've had feelings for a while that it's not right for me lived too long being my own boss and working the normal life.

I've suffered with depression for a Long time due bit of a fun childhood( I will leave that their) hid it when I joined,but kept under control for a long time till crimbo when something set me off. I don't complain when I'm at work I get on with my job I think a lot of the lads like and respect me.

But it's effecting my home life my wife kids get the brunt of my frustration and anger as I don't want. I'm currently seeing dcmh to help with my lows and how it's effecting home life. I have started raising my voice to my kids and I've never done that.

So I'm just asking are there any lads that feel they hate the job and the life but don't show at work but take it home with them.

I would rather be unemployed keep my kids and wife happy then be miserable.by the way she supports me in what ever I do.
What's the alternative? Can you walk into a job and support your family?
 
I've sought of always landed on my feet,i can get a job if I get out I'm hardworker and do anything that's asked of me, one of the Reasons I'm not enjoying life always feel I'm taken advantage of because of my good nature. Housing would be the issue we would have too hope for Council.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Can’t speak of military side of things, but I did a job that made me extremely unhappy. That mixed with family issues also led to me being depressed.

Threw it in, changed jobs, with all the aggro that can cause.

Wife says she hasn’t seen me so happy in years. I am now around to assist with the family issues ( old parents).

None of this might apply to you, or it might.

If your wife supports you, and you don’t feel right where you are, move on, life’s to short.
 
You will not get council / housing association housing if you leave. End of.
Your choices are limited.

Suck it up and live with it until your time is up, at the same time get a trade and plan for working outside.

Or,

Kick it in and take your chances that you won't have a house or job.

Trust me that option 2 will make everything worse than you can possibly imagine.

My advice is to plan to get where you want to be while you are in the job you hate. I worked in a job I hated for 18 months but I had a plan to get out and made it happen. I also suffer from periodic bouts of depression BTW.
 
I think we've all faced the 'finish basic and get to Bn/Regt'.....it's nothing like basic,is it? It wasn't like that for any of us. How long have you been out of training? You need to give it time and start to make it work to your advantage, you being older that the usual recruit.
 
Yea I know hence why I have asked for some advice, I've got about 2 years left before I can do 7 clicks. I would never get out without a plan or some where for the family too be.

I picked the regiment and the where I'm based carefully so the kids are settled in schools and the wife could stay at her old job.

I Just don't want too make there life's miserable because I'm having a bad time. All of you at somepoint have hated your life serving just want Some advice other then suck it up that's all. Cheers for the replys gents they mean a lot.
 
Over the next 2 years get as many qualifications as you can to take to the civilian job market. You have made sure your family are ok for the next 2 years so now look after yourself.
 
D

Deleted 154930

Guest
Yea I know hence why I have asked for some advice, I've got about 2 years left before I can do 7 clicks. I would never get out without a plan or some where for the family too be.

I picked the regiment and the where I'm based carefully so the kids are settled in schools and the wife could stay at her old job.

I Just don't want too make there life's miserable because I'm having a bad time. All of you at somepoint have hated your life serving just want Some advice other then suck it up that's all. Cheers for the replys gents they mean a lot.
Depression has a way of overwealming you and forcing you into a downward spiral.

Sit down and write out all the things you like about your life now. Then write down, what you expect from you life after the services. For the next few weeks, forget the future and focus on each day to the exclusion of everything else. Wait a few weeks and reread what you wrote.
 

mrboo

War Hero
I think you have answered your own question. Your wife and kids mean more to you than your job, and that is all it is a job. It does not matter if it's a job in the military or any other job with a tied house in civvystreet . You do what is best for you and yours .If you have a problem remove that problem. And no matter how long you serve in the forces you will probably spend more of your life not in the military.
 
I must say gents a humbled by your response, I thought I would give arrse ago as you all have been there and done it. I know I sound a bit silly for a 32 year old man or a bit soft. I've always Delt with my own demons and issue by myself what's hasn't helped.

I will genuinely give the writing down of my thoughts a go,luckily enough my chain of command and my Sargent noticed I was low and got me on too mental health after crimbo and luckily kept quite from my troop. You are the first people I have asked for advice so I appreciate all of your input and advice. As I am awaiting my appointment with them this week.

So thank you for you time gents from rambling husband and father.
 

jim30

LE
I wonder if partly its an age thing - you are a lot older than many junior soldiers, and SNCO's so it perhaps means you are not quite sure how to relate/fit in?

Everyone gets depressed at times - but best thing to do is fibd someone you trust, or use padre or welfare and get it off your chest to see what advice and support is available. The padres are an excellent and non judgemental source of help here.

My other advice is to have a think about what you think works for you career wise and use your time in the army to help get yourself there. There is nothing wrong in wanting to leave - average service lengths these days is about 6 years. But use your time now to focus on how the Army gets you to a better place, not mentally rail against it as this doesnt help you.
 

triggerigger

War Hero
having not 'screwed the nut' and got out just a bit short of my time due to my immaturity and general daftness i would say hang in and get a trade/skill with the resettlement course. i went into a job and did an adult apprenticeship. HOWEVER I was single. hindsight!
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
I must say gents a humbled by your response, I thought I would give arrse ago as you all have been there and done it. I know I sound a bit silly for a 32 year old man or a bit soft. I've always Delt with my own demons and issue by myself what's hasn't helped.

I will genuinely give the writing down of my thoughts a go,luckily enough my chain of command and my Sargent noticed I was low and got me on too mental health after crimbo and luckily kept quite from my troop. You are the first people I have asked for advice so I appreciate all of your input and advice. As I am awaiting my appointment with them this week.

So thank you for you time gents from rambling husband and father.
We always get good and bad times, try and save some cash. Talk to MO or Padre for support, don’t keep it all inside it’s not worth it.
 

Boris_Johnson

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
Right...

You've got two years to make the best of a shitty situation before you have to worry about where you're gonna live, what your next move is etc.

My 25 years were a bit of a mix-bag to be honest. Mainly having a good crack, but there were times where I did some good hard honest soul searching. Especially at the 12 year point. There were times when I was deeply unhappy. But the good thing about the Army is (generally speaking) you get a fresh start every couple of years.

Those low times I just grizzed it out. And the good thing about having a $hit time is when you're having a good time it's that much sweeter.

Phys, phys and more phys will help will depression. If you're taking your troubles home, take them to the gym instead and take it out on the treadmill instead of your wife & kids.

I'm fortunate enough to have never suffered with depression. So what would I know right? Funnily enough I've lived with it enough to know it eats the souls of those around you. DCMH will help with CBT helping you pigeon-hole issues, but moreover give you a voice, someone trained who you can vent on.

Two years. A lot can happen in that time. If you get to the point you're not longer crying after a decent masturbation sesh, you're on the right track I'd say.

Find something you enjoy, join a club, keep yourself busy. You might accidentally start to enjoy military life and find yourself spray-starching your PCS and getting blank stares from the nippers when you abbreviate everything.

Good luck.
 
And talk to your wife. Talk to her lots.
Tell her your problems. Even the ones you don't want to admit.
 
We always get good and bad times, try and save some cash. Talk to MO or Padre for support, don’t keep it all inside it’s not worth it.
Fully concur.

Family comes first. I'd not advise pulling the stress/depression card as it can seriously mess up future employment prospects.

The job isn't for everyone and we all have our ups and downs, whatever the service. At the age of 30, we should know what we are signing-up for & it's pretty shit when someone else wants out "toot sweet" but fcuks it up for everyone else in their haste to leave.
 
If you really want out, approach the CoC and ask about being classed as Temperamentally Unsuitable for service.
You can be out in less than a month. However you wont get resettlement.
Ask the local council where you want to settle if they have anywhere for you to live should the army discharge you.
It might be different if you were younger and you didnt have much experience, however you are in your 30s with a wife, two kids and approx 13 years of being an adult in civvie street, there is no point in staying in if the army is making you unhappy, it is unlikely to change any time soon so you will feel the same until you can sign off.
 
I don't want too use thee mental side too out and my other issue with my job role I will never leave where I am based. I have had too be very careful with who I have told about my depression as its a very small unit and everyone can know your business.

think I will use this time too as you lads say make a better crack of it get more quale and train. I am actually doing a lot more phys lately too occupy myself. Actually quite fit for a 32 year old smoking heavy drinking softy or perhaps are try the beating one off approach.

I will go into tomorrow with a bit clearer train of thought.
 
If sounds like you went into this with both eyes open. You were keen enough to re-enlist and you’d concluded that it made sense in other regards.
Can you put your finger on anything specific that has caused you to feel this disenfranchised?

I got the impression that you were feeling a bit put upon- not bullied exactly but taken advantage of. It must be difficult for a slightly more mature family man to be pitched in with young guys who will take the piss out of a new guy at every given opportunity.
If this is the case you’ll have a better time if you fight your corner. Don’t be a doormat.
There might be a natural gap, created by your age difference but turn it to your advantage and crack on with pushing for promotion.
 
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