Undertakers

[BuckFelize]

Given the eclectic hive experiences of this esteemed forum I thought I'd ask here. Are there any undertakers and/or funeral directors? My question is this: have you noticed any appreciable increase in trade over the last few months? This is no-wah.

 

[Daxx]

You'd be better googling over to thd ONS website where you can see a breakdown of deaths by all sorts of variables.

 

[FourZeroCharlie]

I was but retired from that 5-6 years ago, so no current view.

. . . one thing I can predict is that there'll be a rush just before Christmas as families try to get Uncle Harry/Gt Aunt Flo sorted and done before Christmas Day (they don't like the thought of him/her lying in the Chapel of Rest as they're ripping shit out of the turkey )

 

[vvaannmmaann]

Always been a good business to get into. No shortage of customers.

 

[Egg on Leggs]

Always been a good business to get into. No shortage of customers.

Best sort of customers, never complain.

 

[Dan Gleebles]

Always been a good business to get into. No shortage of customers.

Not much chance of career progression though.

It's dead mans shoes.

 

[Filthy_contract]

I was but retired from that 5-6 years ago, so no current view.

. . . one thing I can predict is that there'll be a rush just before Christmas as families try to get Uncle Harry/Gt Aunt Flo sorted and done before Christmas Day (they don't like the thought of him/her lying in the Chapel of Rest as they're ripping shit out of the turkey )

And it saves them dealing with the awkward issue:

"Aunt Flo, you know how you always come to us for Christmas? Well, because of the Chinese and Boris, you're not allowed to come to ours this year. We're very disappointed and I know the kids will miss your famous 'Sprout Medley' side dish."
"But I've knitted you all lovely presents"
"Oh, that's very kind, but ....errr....knitted garments can carry the Covid virus, Auntie. Perhaps next year. I'll get a bottle of sherry for you delivered by Ocado"
"Who?"
"Got to Go Auntie. Might see you next year..."

 

[supermatelot]

@FEASG

 

[bcsack]

Not much chance of career progression though.

It's dead mans shoes.

Come on Dan - you should know the score by now - What size Are these dead man's shoes ???

 

[Retd_crab]

There are people dieing today that have never died before.

 

[Dan Gleebles]

There are people dieing today that have never died before.

Not in Bugsys family.

 

[Charlie4]

The boss isn't a director, but works closely with them, all across the south.

She said the S/W, Dorset, Devon & Cornwall, no busier than normal.

Some were busier during the initial lockdown, but because there were no autopsies, etc they had to assume the worst.

As we have since learnt, it was just natural wastage that would happen every year from flu etc, the average age is 82, and 99.8% of people are fine. But you didn't hear it from me right?

I'll be back in a mo', there's a helicopter hovering above my house, what are all these Red dots...........

 

[exbluejob]

Seems a kinda appropriate thread to hijack Funeral plans, seen the hype about how much you save blah blah blah. I remain unconvinced, around £5k for a plan versus (I think) around £2k as a walk in (so to speak) customer. Don't need/want anything special, just burning, no cars.

What's the arrse opinion on funeral plans?

 

[FourZeroCharlie]

. . . What's the arrse opinion on funeral plans?

When I left the trade, Golden Charter (as an exemplar) were struggling to pay out.

Now? Wouldn't touch them with a pole . . .

 

[rgjbloke]

I’ve got some friends who run a family firm of undertakers. They’ve buried my Mum and my Dad in recent years.

A lot of undertakers firms are run by large companies operating under the old name. These people are still the real deal genuinely family run business.

They’re based in Southall and in normal times are always busy. There is a standing joke if they are in the pub. Don’t lie down or you’ll be taken away.

I haven’t seen them for a while but I’ve heard the pandemic is keeping them very busy. Very down to earth and thoroughly nice people.

 

[AULD_SWEAT]

Given the eclectic hive experiences of this esteemed forum I thought I'd ask here. Are there any undertakers and/or funeral directors? My question is this: have you noticed any appreciable increase in trade over the last few months? This is no-wah.

There seems to be...

 

[Diogenes' limp]

A full career friend afterwards became an undertaker and then Funeral Services Manager. He said it was only fair that having spent the first half of his life creating the bodies, now he should do the tidying up.

That he, a true born Yorkshireman, was burying folk in Scotland* added a certain je ne sais quoi --- apparently.

However, the tales he told about the corrupt practices in the industry would curl hair faster than a crematorium blow dry.

*Being a purely nominal Catholic in sectarian central belt Scotland might have had something to do with that.

 

[Ravers]

Sort of related......

A bloke I work with has a side hustle as an archaeologist. He mostly does surveys of land when someone wants to build on it, making sure they’re not putting a Tesco’s on a Viking burial site etc.

He’s also the first port of call for plod when they find ancient remains.

Another big chunk of his work is exhuming bodies, he has the contract with the local diocese which means every consecrated graveyard in the area is his territory.

Happens more than you’d think and it’s not just grizzly stuff like murders that need reinvestigating. Recently he dug up a kiwi airman who died in an RTA in WW2 so he could be repatriated back to NZ. He also had to dig up and replant an entire graveyard so the water board could fix a pipe that was running through it.

Good money by all accounts, up to 2 grand per job. The water board job paid off his mortgage.

 

[Mike Barton]

I was but retired from that 5-6 years ago, so no current view.

. . . one thing I can predict is that there'll be a rush just before Christmas as families try to get Uncle Harry/Gt Aunt Flo sorted and done before Christmas Day (they don't like the thought of him/her lying in the Chapel of Rest as they're ripping shit out of the turkey )

An acquaintance of mine, Scottish and a decent sort of chap, mentioned to me that his father had died a few days before Christmas the previous year and how they held off the funeral until the New Year.

I must have appeared aghast, coming from a tradition where you bury a person a day or two after death, no matter what time of the year, and he said to me quite matter-of-factly that no one wants a funeral in the middle of Christmas and it was better to wait until January, when things would be settled and calmer and his dad could get a proper send-off and that a funeral in the middle of Christmas would be somehow rushed and undignified.

I suppose I could see his point, sort of, but to me the idea of having a family Christmas dinner, popping crackers and drinking and feasting while my old man lay cold on some mortuary slab just freaked me out. I think I would happily skip the turkey and ham one year just to get my father decently buried, but each to their own.

 

[Mike Barton]

Best sort of customers, never complain.

A mate of mine runs a pub, it has a decent function room so he does the usual wedding, first communion or funeral chicken or beef dinners.

It's a nice earner and he has had a good living out of it and he always says he loves the funerals best. Always rushed jobs so there is no endless back and forth over table settings or menus, the crowd just wants to get in and out again by mid afternoon but best of all is when the bill is presented, a wedding he might be lucky if he gets paid six months down the line after numerous reminders, a funeral easy-peasy.

He just goes up to the chief mourner who has made the tearful speech telling everybody how greatly missed the deceased will be, how we will always remember them, and with a sad, pained expression presents the bill, for immediate payment if they don't mind, never fails, money lodged in the bank before close of business.