underground dwarf hurling

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by puzzledgrunt, Dec 6, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. This was quite big in the 80's before the PC wowsers came down on it.Are there "Fight Club" type places where it is still practised?

    I have to know!
  2. When I read the thread title, I envisaged troglodyte titch tossers...
  3. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Oh, I was hoping to see small people barfing. Never mind, you can't have everything.

    I believe that 'bum-jumping' is still in vogue, but I haven't seen a midget tossed off for ages.
  4. A possible business opportunity, providing job security for a disadvantaged minority?
  5. Not quite sure what Dwarf Hurling is.
    But me and my friends did once befriend a midget. We used to bully him, get him to sing us songs, make him pretend he was Thomas the tank engine etc. We visited him when he was at college, ran away from away from him, and played with his emotional vulnrability.
    Some of my fondest memories are of being with that little freak.
    It all came to an abrupt end when the fuzz turned up on the doorstep.
    Some of the things we did were:
    Dyed his hair, Put hair removal cream on his head, Hoovered his head, Got him to jump off a roof, Wrapped him in clingfilm, made him wear a motorbike helmet while we kicked and punched his head, Poured all kinds of liquid on him, Got him drunk beyond beleif, Tryied inserting a banana covered in whipped cream in his rectum (it split on entry), and much much more. However it must be said, that if this poor tiny freak got into any trouble, we were the first to stick up for him. We didn't want anybody (else) taking advantage of our 'play-toy'. We were kind of like his Pimp-Group, we would use and abuse him, but we wouldn't let anybody give our little man any Sh1t.

    As I tell you this I feel incredibly jeuvinielle, ashamed and slightly embarressed and tend to think I should be posting this kind of inhumane @ssholeness, in the "Confessional -Confess Your Sins Here and Receive Arrsolution" thread. But you have to ask, Why, if we were that nasty to him, did he keep joining us, and is still friends with most of us now. (Of course we don't do quite the same things we used to and very rarely see the poor man, but if we did, he would approach us normally, and we would be civil).

    Were we nasty? Were we bullies? Were we predjudice, spiteful, aggressive and took advantage of the stinky dwarf? Of course! So feel free to cuss me for being the B@stard I was, but no amount of shame you make me feel will ever outweigh the fun and pure hilairity we all got from tourmenting the little dwarf.
  6. And there was me thinking it was this


    But replacing the sliothar with a dwarf :D 8O
  7. Just started haggis hunting up here so don't touch dwarfs until February - didn't know it was un-pc these days :slow:
  8. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

  9. Can you use pyrotechnic augmentation?, I mean a dustbin and a couple of primers should move the tubby sod a few feet downrange, without risking exacerbating my knackered joints.
  10. Can I get mine out in here then...

    Attached Files: