Unclean! Ive had a socialist in my home... :(

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by EX_STAB, Oct 31, 2009.

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  1. My oldest mate brought his other half up to stay en route to Alton Towers with her son.

    He is educated, polite, handsome, easygoing, good company and a generally all round nice chap.

    She is fat, ugly, stupid, bigoted, bolshie and it becomes apparent, A SOCIALIST! Not just any socialist, the sort that used to sell "Socialist Worker" (is it still going?), has an utter hatred of anything rural or traditional, thinks the Government is doing a good job, hates the armed forces....

    Needless to say we ended up falling out. It actually takes quite a bit to make me lose my rag but she managed it. She then had him leave in the early hours despite the fact that he'd been drinking. Poor henpecked soul.

    I'm f'kin fuming that this creature has come between me and my mate, a friend I've known for twenty years.

    Anyway, what can I do to purge the house of the bad aftertaste of having had a rabid socialist in it?
    • Excellent Topic Excellent Topic x 1
  2. You can't sorry. Two choices - either go and live in your shed or make sure your insurance is up to date and go for some constructive arson.
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  3. arson every time.... maybe you could invite her back and then do it...
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  4. Burn it with you preferably locked inside ;)
    • Bullshit Bullshit x 1
  5. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    My heart goes out to you mucker.

    Did you not think to get your mate proper drunk, unconscious, shoot her inb the face, make a new patio and when he woke up in the morning, tell him she'd left to find a socialist Utopia for them all to live in, but that she'd be forever looking for it?
  6. If he's such a good guy what's he doing knocking around with a bird like that :?
  7. Why is your mate married to a lesbian?
  8. He seems to go for dreadful harridans who keep him under the thumb. He needs fixing up with a kindly dominatrix. I can think of one, an ARRSER as it happens with a heart of gold. Don't know how to fix them up though. :(
  9. My thought as well. I could maybe understand it if, like me, he looked like an extra from the Hills Have Eyes.

    In fact, forget it; even I'm not THAT desperate. :roll:
  10. The best way to 'cleanse' your home of Lefty Residue.... get a photie of the Sainted Maggie, Churchill, Edwina Currie and Anne Widdicombe...... This will frighten any lingering 'Socialist Atmosphere'.....

    If any Personage of a 'Socialist' view saw them, they would be appoplectic, have a fit and then f*ck-offski and hide away somewhere......... amongst all the other Lefty Fuzzy Brained Dildo-headed Mungs....(oops... I meant all alleged of course)....

    Ho hum.... its 12 pm midday again.... time to go and have a Pint or 15 down ye 'Barf in Bucket'... and oggle the female Bar-Personages ample motherly bosoms....... :oops: :oops:
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  11. This is a thorny problem and requires a multifaceted approach in dealing with the issues.

    The first issue is that your home has been compromised and requires sterilization.Normally a good dose of bleach is good enough to get rid of the smell of a good nights drinking,but this is different.

    Frankly,the house needs spiritual cleansing after being subjected to an evening of accommodating a dungaree wearing,cabbage smelling,tractor statistics worshiping,human hater.

    I would suggest sacrificing a small woodland animal such as a vole,and splashing its blood over the house's foundations.Posting a video of you performing this rite onto youtube would be considered by some as a public service to warn others about the dangers of dabbling in socialism.

    This will not,however,deal with the source of the problem,your mate's dorris.

    To cure her of socialism will require some shock treatment.

    In the USA there is a saying that goes "a Democrat is simply a Republican who has not been mugged yet".Taking this thinking to its logical conclusion,and taking into consideration the severe socialist symptoms exhibited in the subject,I suggest that a mugging would not be good enough to promote a healthy return to normal thinking.So I would suggest setting up a good old fashioned gang rape to sort her out.
    A gang rape performed by a pack of meths swilling,crack addicted pitbull terriers should have her singing the praises of free market economies before you know it.

    You never know,she might even start to wear make-up and take some pride in her appearance once cured of socialism.

    Hope this helps.
    • Like Like x 1
  12. If you're looking for arson insurence, dont forget.....

    • Like Like x 1
  13. Why not be a mate, and tell him you think his current significant other is a fcuking crazy.

    Then introduce him to the ArRSer you have in mind....
  14. FFS now you're starting to sound like a lesbo feminist . Obviously a very infectious strain of socialism :wink:
  15. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Jizz over her face while she is asleep.