Unclean! Arrsers with the virus

kimmi851

Old-Salt
Outing myself as probably having it - all the symptoms but incredibly mild - think more post-flu-jab than "making a tearful Youtube video looking fully made up but with medical equipment around". Painful chest, aching joints, temperature, cough, dry throat, feeling like I am thinking through a cloud of cotton wool - it could be the actual flu I suppose...

I am planning on self medicating with whisky until that runs out, then its whiskey, after that its anyone's guess between gin, vodka, tequila (though various people are begging me not to move on to that - I get rather flirty on tequila), rum (I have a pirate hat to wear for that). After that I move on to the hard core liqueurs and if all else fails there is a Grenadian chocolate rum drink a "friend" gave me (she gets the "" because this stuff when the bottle is opened actually visibly evaporates - it is guaranteed to kill 120% of all known bugs and I suspect 50% of humans). If by the end of that lot I am not totally healthy then it really is as serious as everyone has been saying.
 
I have enough homebrew here that I could have kept sluggy drunk for about a week, normal humans it should do several months of heavy drinking.

I have run out of beer though, at the moment I have

Rum
Gin
More Rum
Whiskey
Strawberry schnapps
Peach Schnapps
mint choc thing
Mead (about 20 litres of various flavours from 'Jesus I've gone blind' through to 'thats awesome, however I've gone blind')
half a bottle of port (AKA 'Lobito' as I thought it was going to be awful)
Pineapple schnapps
Parsnip wine
and an elderflower paint stripper
Brandy
unflavoured alcohol wash - not decided what it's going to become

commercial stuff
Sake
prosecco (it was free)
At least popping out for alcohol is still classed as purchasing essential supplies, keep calm and keep drinking
 
It’s sometimes difficult to work out whether you have it or not. My missus was ill over the weekend. She had some of the symptoms including a cough, a bit of a temperature and some aches but it didn’t go into breathing difficulties etc and for the last few days, although she’s still isolating herself in the house, she’s fine without any problems.

There has been some bad flue doing the rounds apparently so we don’t really know whether she’s had a touch of that or the coronavirus and of course, at the moment, there is no way of testing herself to find out.

Sorry to hear you are in this position. I hope you make a quick and speedy recovery.
 
I have enough homebrew here that I could have kept sluggy drunk for about a week, normal humans it should do several months of heavy drinking.

I have run out of beer though, at the moment I have

Rum
Gin
More Rum
Whiskey
Strawberry schnapps
Peach Schnapps
mint choc thing
Mead (about 20 litres of various flavours from 'Jesus I've gone blind' through to 'thats awesome, however I've gone blind')
half a bottle of port (AKA 'Lobito' as I thought it was going to be awful)
Pineapple schnapps
Parsnip wine
and an elderflower paint stripper
Brandy
unflavoured alcohol wash - not decided what it's going to become

commercial stuff
Sake
prosecco (it was free)
port and brandy - no one to see you drinking it after all.
Paging @rampant for his mixological skills.
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
Dont stockpile noodles rice and pasta - it did **** all for the Italians and Chinese did it?
 
I had flu in Feb but I think it was just a by-product of working in the region's largest aircraft museum. I do, however, expect to get whacked by the Chinese Doom Flu as OC Domestic works in the NHS and am preparing accordingly. I have penned my death letter and left specific instructions what to do with all my shit - even going as far as to writing my own ARRSE obit to be cut & paste cometh the hour.

I have sufficient arse-wipe, booze and porn - or rather I did have until my Samsung decided to ******* die on me an hour ago. Should I follow suit and not have time to say goodbye to you twats then... ciao! It's been emotional... probably.
 

mercurydancer

LE
Book Reviewer
It’s sometimes difficult to work out whether you have it or not. My missus was ill over the weekend. She had some of the symptoms including a cough, a bit of a temperature and some aches but it didn’t go into breathing difficulties etc and for the last few days, although she’s still isolating herself in the house, she’s fine without any problems.

There has been some bad flue doing the rounds apparently so we don’t really know whether she’s had a touch of that or the coronavirus and of course, at the moment, there is no way of testing herself to find out.

Sorry to hear you are in this position. I hope you make a quick and speedy recovery.
Keep safe. See you on the other side
 
There can be only One.
It's me. I'm Immortal.

I fart in the general direction of Zis Coronavirus.... Oh **** I'm sounding like Ze Frenchman... I vill zay Zis only once, zere are side effuckts.
 

UKTAP

LE
If you are self isolating, but there are no girls about, is it acceptable for blokes to start using each other's hoops as fannies yet?

Just checking for a friend. Not a poofter or anything...
 
Outing myself as probably having it - all the symptoms but incredibly mild - think more post-flu-jab than "making a tearful Youtube video looking fully made up but with medical equipment around". Painful chest, aching joints, temperature, cough, dry throat, feeling like I am thinking through a cloud of cotton wool - it could be the actual flu I suppose...

I am planning on self medicating with whisky until that runs out, then its whiskey, after that its anyone's guess between gin, vodka, tequila (though various people are begging me not to move on to that - I get rather flirty on tequila), rum (I have a pirate hat to wear for that). After that I move on to the hard core liqueurs and if all else fails there is a Grenadian chocolate rum drink a "friend" gave me (she gets the "" because this stuff when the bottle is opened actually visibly evaporates - it is guaranteed to kill 120% of all known bugs and I suspect 50% of humans). If by the end of that lot I am not totally healthy then it really is as serious as everyone has been saying.
Get some lemons and a jar of honey, bucket of aspirin and you have the makings of a borderline nuclear toddy there.
 

TheAssassin

War Hero
It’s sometimes difficult to work out whether you have it or not. My missus was ill over the weekend. She had some of the symptoms including a cough, a bit of a temperature and some aches but it didn’t go into breathing difficulties etc and for the last few days, although she’s still isolating herself in the house, she’s fine without any problems.

There has been some bad flue doing the rounds apparently so we don’t really know whether she’s had a touch of that or the coronavirus and of course, at the moment, there is no way of testing herself to find out.

Sorry to hear you are in this position. I hope you make a quick and speedy recovery.
Any Muslims in UK died yet?
 

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