Uncle Monty's Cottage?

#1
Having searched extensively online I have drawn a blank, but thought that there are bound to be plenty of social reclusives and loner types on here who might know of just the spot where I can go hide from the incessant whining of children, dogs, needy friends and work for a few days. I am looking for somewhere small, very remote, rustic and relatively cheap to hole up for a couple of days. Something between Green Hut and Uncle Monty's cottage would be ideal, although both smell a little too much of sweaty men and lighter fluid for my liking. It has to be UK based as I can only spare about 4 days for this particular jaunt and am too knackered to spend ages travelling, preferably in the hills somewhere - I might even venture into darkest Wales, but would rather Cumbria or Scotland direction.



NB: I'm not on the run from the law - I just want to be alone...
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#3
Wester Ross does it for me but its an 8 hour drive from Newcastle so maybe not. Cumbria is expensive. I'd go for Northumberland - less touristy. Around Alston is some of the highest and most wild countryside this side of the border, and its a short hop from the M6 or A1. Give this a look. Just dont tell your mates you are saying at a place called Writers Cottage. Writers Cottage for fucks sakes.

Writers Cottage is a cosy cottage for two

WC Lounge View.jpg
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#4
Uncle Monty's cottage is still there. It's a bit of a building site at the moment but I'm sure you'll be able to get in. I live nearby and many people seem to camp there.

Google Sleddale Hall.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#5
Wester Ross does it for me but its an 8 hour drive from Newcastle so maybe not. Cumbria is expensive. I'd go for Northumberland - less touristy. Around Alston is some of the highest and most wild countryside this side of the border, and its a short hop from the M6 or A1. Give this a look. Just dont tell your mates you are saying at a place called Writers Cottage. Writers Cottage for fucks sakes.

Writers Cottage is a cosy cottage for two

View attachment 65981
UPVC glazing, how disgustingly common.
 
#6
Wester Ross does it for me but its an 8 hour drive from Newcastle so maybe not. Cumbria is expensive. I'd go for Northumberland - less touristy. Around Alston is some of the highest and most wild countryside this side of the border, and its a short hop from the M6 or A1. Give this a look. Just dont tell your mates you are saying at a place called Writers Cottage. Writers Cottage for fucks sakes.

Writers Cottage is a cosy cottage for two

View attachment 65981

Lovely views, but oh dear god, all that lace?!Writers Cottage is a cosy cottage for two I'm not Miss Haversham....

Edited to add: and who the **** varnishes lovely stone?
 
#7
Right on the edge of Breacon National Park, on the outskirts of nowhere.

It's a beautiful spot, lovely accomodation, perfect for getting away from it all, especially if you enjoy wandering across hills.

Rhiw Ddu Barns

I've taken 'She who must be obeyed' several times, although by definition, that defeated the object of a quiet weekend.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#10
#12
19th-century caverns cut by miners into the cliffs of the Purbecks nr Swanage, Dorset, there's one that's best to rope your kit down to, L-shaped so no wind inside and about 30' x 20' across. Join National Trust to get parking deals a few miles away. The only limitation on time is how much fresh water you can carry, I stayed three days last time. Take a rod and reel for breakfast and dinner from the sea. No phones, mobiles, pagers, people, not nuttin'.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
Lovely views, but oh dear god, all that lace?!Writers Cottage is a cosy cottage for two I'm not Miss Haversham....

Edited to add: and who the **** varnishes lovely stone?
Sorry. You did not say adequate soft furnishings were a requirement. You just said you wanted to escape your shrieking ginger wife and sugared-up horrible kids before you topped yourself. If you are into soft furnishings and interior decor, you should have said. I am sure we can find a quiet place? PM me, yah?
 
#14
Sorry. You did not say adequate soft furnishings were a requirement. You just said you wanted to escape your shrieking ginger wife and sugared-up horrible kids before you topped yourself. If you are into soft furnishings and interior decor, you should have said. I am sure we can find a quiet place? PM me, yah?
thank you for that kindly offer, however the "I'm not Miss Haversham" bit should have given you a slight clue as to my gender. I do so hate to disappoint you but I am not some emasculated family man desperate to get away from it all. I have no yearning to be repeatedly done up the ricker in a remote polyester lace filled cabin, by some sweaty internet stranger, before blowing my brains out in a fit of guilt and disgust at my inability to admit to my homosexuality...
but if ever you need someone to talk to then pm me - we can work through this together, yah?

As for the soft furnishings, I'm more of a tweed girl than a chintz and polyester lace one. The bothys are far more my scene - one with a bit of fishing would be perfect.
 
#16
At this time of year you'd probably have the whole place to yourself, with your own shed:

http://www.arrse.co.uk/content/885-travel-report-loch-nevis-bunkhouse.html

Then there's Frank's bunkhouse at Tarbet, very, very basic. £2 a night, I think, in the old church. Frank likes to talk and sing and play the accordian. He won't let you stay if he doesn't like the look of you and he doesn't take bookings:

Tarbet, Loch Nevis:: OS grid NM7992 :: Geograph Britain and Ireland - photograph every grid square!
 
#19
Too many people for my immediate purposes but thanks for the link, I will take my enfant terrible there when I can tolerate his company again!
Having confessed your gender, i would suggest that any of the options suggested on this thread could now have too many
people in the immediate vicinty - mostly hiding in bushes cammed up with big binos, if not wiring the place for sound and vision.

If carlsberg did stalkers, they'd be Arrse stalkers - probably the biggest bunch of disturbed weirdos who will travel miles on the off chance of seeing a bit of gusset at a distance in low light.
 
#20
Having confessed your gender, i would suggest that any of the options suggested on this thread could now have too many
people in the immediate vicinty - mostly hiding in bushes cammed up with big binos, if not wiring the place for sound and vision.

If carlsberg did stalkers, they'd be Arrse stalkers - probably the biggest bunch of disturbed weirdos who will travel miles on the off chance of seeing a bit of gusset at a distance in low light.
I hadn't planned on giving out the grid reference and timings for my solo travels, but perhaps I should set up some sort of pay per view to cover my travel expenses?
 

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