Unbelievably sick jokes

Discussion in 'Sick Jokes' started by GrumbleWeed, Apr 6, 2005.

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  1. What did the deaf, dumb, blind, downs syndrome, quadriplegic baby get for christmas?


    8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O 8O
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  2. That is very very very sick :evil:
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  3. A vampire walks into a bar, 'pint of blood landlord' he says. The barman gives him his order.
    A second vampire walks into the bar, 'pint of your finest blood please' he says. Again, the barman pours his order.
    A third vampire walks into the bar and says 'a mug of hot water please barman'. The barman looks puzzled at the vampire, and asks- 'why the f*** do you want hot water for?' The vampire answered- 'i found a used tampon and i'm making tea'.
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  4. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol
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  5. Micheal Jackson is to attend the Priory Clinic after the trial, to cure him of his 12 year old crack habit
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  6. Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick.

    Boss:- How sick are you?

    Me:- Well i am in bed with my sister
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  7. What's Celtic and the Pope got in common. They were both fecked by Hearts attacks at the weekend :)
  8. What's blue and doesn't fit?

    A dead epileptic

    Boom Boom
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    • Like Like x 1
  9. Pikey family sitting down to dinner, and in walks the son with next door's daughter- red faced and sweaty. The father jumps up and shouts- 'if she's not good enough for her own family- she's not bloody well good enough for ours!'
  10. Q - Whats red and wraped up in newspaper?

    A - Abortion of chips.
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  11. whats grey, square, sits and the end of your bed and takes the pisss?

    kidney dialysis machine
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. Q: How do you make a hormone?
    A: Don't pay her.

    Q: What did the poof do when he missed his boyfriend?
    A: He sh*t in his hand and had a w*nk.

    Q: Who is the most popular man in a nudist colony?
    A: The guy who can carry two pitchers of beer and a foot of onion rings!

    Q: Who is the most popular girl in a nudist colony?
    A: The girl who can eat the last onion ring

    Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
    A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
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  13. Whats the difference between a jew and Pizza?

    A pizza doesnt scream when you put it in a oven!
    • Like Like x 2
  14. Q. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head?
    A. Partially disabled.

    Q. What are the first symptoms of Aids?
    A. A pounding sensation in the arrse.

    Q. What's the similarity between a carton of milk and a woman?
    A. They both need their flaps pushed back before you can get to the
    good bits.

    Q. How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
    A. When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you
    ..up the arrse with her clitoris.

    Q. What's 14inchs long, purple and makes women scream?
    A. Cot-death
    • Funny Funny x 1
  15. Whats the Difference between a Woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken?


    When your finished with the leg and the breast, you still have a greasy box to stick your bone into.


    Friday night and a teenage chavette wants to go out clubbing with her mates for the evening, so she goes downstairs to the living room and asks her Father if she can go out.

    He's of an incestuous persuasion so says
    "Yeah, you can go out....but I wan't a blowjob first".

    The Daughters incredulous and replies "no way"

    So, she stomps back upstairs to her room and is sitting there bored and after a while starts thinking 'maybe it wouldn't be so bad' so back downstairs she goes to her Father and agrees to his terms...

    He's sitting there with his trousers round his ankles and she starts performing, when she looks up aghast and says..
    "this tastes like sh*t"
    to which her Father replies,
    "Well, your brother wanted to go out as well"[hr]
    • Like Like x 2