Ultimate-Force Prison Advice

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by error_unknown, Feb 1, 2005.

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  1. I'm keen that Phillll from the U-F site shouldn't be completely unprepared for his ordeal when he goes inside for aggravated cyber-vandalism, so I wonder if my fellow ARRSErs would like me to assist in compiling a compendium of top prison advice for new boys.

    Starting with:

    1. Do not bend over to pick it up if you drop your Showerfresh.

    2. If the huge shaven, headed man who is 98% tattooed offers you a jar of Vaseline, it means he likes you.

    Any more?
  2. If you're asked to play a game of 'Mummys and daddys', there is no right answer 8O
  3. Three men were on a bus to prison where they were allowed to bring only one personal item. They were telling each other what they brought.

    The first man, being intellectually minded, said, "I wanted to bring something that could actually have a variety of purposes. It needed to be something that I could not be easily bored with. So I had a hard choice to make, between a small radio, a tiny television set, and a deck of cards. Knowing that electronic devices would more than likely not be peritted personally to an inmate, I decided upon the cards, so that I can play a number of games: Gin, Rummy, Solitaire, Hearts," and continued to name more games.

    The second man said, "I like painting, and I intend to be the Michelangelo of this jail house. I am going to paint anything that I can. So I brought my painting supplies." The third man, a camp 17 year old gaylord called Phil, said with a grin, "I was thoughful enough to bring a box of Tampons."

    Muffled, the other two men questioned his choice, "What in the hell can you do with Tampons?"

    The man grimaced happily, "Well, just look here on the box. You can swim, horseback ride, even skate! I just can't wait to see how they work!"

    Youll find out soon enough when Big Leroy had finished resizing your hoop :twisted:
  4. He should get himself a jar of ointment with "USED TO TREAT HIV, EBOLA AND ALL KNOWN ANAL SEEPAGE PROBLEMS" written on the front. Placed in plane view in his cell, it should keep him unviolated for a few weeks :D

  5. Unknown_Quantity

    Unknown_Quantity War Hero Moderator

    I doubt that he uses showerfresh, he probably uses powdered soap - it takes longer to pick up. :twisted:
  6. and if phill is asked to "suck mummys c()ck" there is no right answer either :D
  7. woopert

    woopert LE Moderator

    If you are someone's Prison Bitch it DOES mean you're gay! :lol:
  8. The 'Charles Bronson' the Warders want you to share a cell with is not the famous film star who played 'Danny: the Tunnel King' in the Great Escape.
  9. Are you sure it was Phill or was it one his no taste asinine roadies?

    Wonder if he does a Shipman in his cell.
  10. dont own up to wearing dentures or a front dental bridge, unless of course you are a master pork sword swallower