Ultimate Force/Farce (merged discussions)

E

error_unknown

Guest
#1
Does this bloke grip anybody elses sh*t as much as he grips mine?

In the same way that you can't tear your eyes away from a car crash, i've found myself watching bits of the astonishingly bad Ultimate Force series.

It's all horrific, right from the opening music to the A-Team plotlines. But worse, far worse, than anything else, is that Ross Kemp is a FAT ba*tard.

The bloke should be on Remedial PT, not Operations. He's got the classic pub landlord look "i'm a big feller me, but as soon as your not looking at me, i'm going to breathe out, and let 40lbs of piss-tank gut hang over my belt"

Why did they hire the Pledge-headed tubster? Were Lewis Collins/Sean Bean/Robson Green/Chin-jut Jerome/ all too busy?

I know it's currently being covered in the Int Cell, but please can we have some NAAFI bar standard slagging of this plastic-cockney blimp?
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#2
c**kney = resident of London, who will attempt to sell you a watch, whilst doing the Lambeth walk and shagging your sister.
 
E

ex-dvr

Guest
#3
Calm down CC - Ross Kemp is an ACTOR, he is not really in the SAS, there is no red tp - honest.

If he grips your sh*t that much, don't watch him, switch on PC and browse through ARRSE for an hour.
 
#5
the thing i dont get very minor point and prob makes me look even sadder but they had 60lbs per man including weapons and ammo and im guessing uniform and boots cos they packed in civvies so how the hell could they have bergans that were bursting at the seams?????????
 
E

error_unknown

Guest
#6
Ex-dvr :roll:

Thank you for pointing out that it is not real life and that Ross Kemp is an ACTOR. It was really troubling me that he'd managed to sail through the special forces rank structure so quickly, after only leaving the Queen Vic four years ago. I assumed that he'd had to change his name from Grant to Henno in an SF identity swap procedure.

Cheers
 
#7
Don't forget that he had been in the paras "wiv is bruvva" before. And since most paras think they are special forces it was probably just a process of persuading the DSF that running the Queen vic for a couple of years was as good as selection and continuation.

And didn't he shoot someone (I'm fishing here as I don't watch Enders) which would explain why he needed to get somewhere where the Bill couldn't track him down.
 
#9
Be a good programme that....The Bill combined with Eastenders! That fat b*stard Mo from the square would nevr be out the cells as she's a thievin' cow. Kat would get lifted for soliciting. She looks like a 10 dollar whore (great!) . Could you imagine if they let squaddies write the scripts for programmes like that? Ace! :twisted:
 
E

ex-dvr

Guest
#10
CC - I didn't think you would bite, maybe when he left EE he joined the Foreign Legion and done the name change through them 8O and is only on attachment to red tp :!:
 
#11
I've said it on the Ultimate Farce thread, Kemps acting is wooden. It’s as if he's reading his lines from a que card. It was the same in Eastbenders, and in fact, both characters seem the same. Same looks, same accent, same acting. Kemp should have grown a tash or worn a wig for Ultimate Farce. And that last scene. He and the troopy storm building, kills a few terrorists, then he kills the troopy. No sweat, no heavy breathing, no adrenalin pumping. He just causally picks up a coke bottle and drinks. There is a name for people like his character – psychopath. But I thought the SAS has no psychopaths in the ranks. How come the military advisers agreed that the scene was worthy of being shown?
 
#12
Ma_Sonic said:
Be a good programme that....The Bill combined with Eastenders! That fat b*stard Mo from the square would nevr be out the cells as she's a thievin' cow. Kat would get lifted for soliciting. She looks like a 10 dollar whore (great!) . Could you imagine if they let squaddies write the scripts for programmes like that? Ace! :twisted:
Now there's a thought. They ought to do more programmes like that. Trouble is, the bloke who plays CO 22 SAS was also busy on BBC2 on Tuesdays being some nurse's dad in Holby City, where he got taken out with a euthanasia jab of morphine. But there has to be scope for savings measures somewhere here - how about useing the same bird to be in MI5 on Ultimate Farce AND on Spooks? Might allow the BBC to cut the TV licence down by a few quid.
 
#13
the bloke who is the CO used to be something high up in Soldier Soldier as well...seems he is an imaginary unit career soldier..... :roll:
 
#16
Convoy_Cock said:
i've found myself watching bits of the astonishingly bad Ultimate Force series.
Seeing as though Red Troop are returning to our screens... i'd just like to add

The series itself is total dross and Ross Kemp should be returned to the abortion bucket he crawled out from.....

However much to Mr Caits anoyment i will be getting moist over Jamie Draven, he makes me want to touch my front bottom :D
 
#17
[Seeing as though Red Troop are returning to our screens... i'd just like to add

The series itself is total dross and Ross Kemp should be returned to the abortion bucket he crawled out from.....

However much to Mr Caits anoyment i will be getting moist over Jamie Draven, he makes me want to touch my front bottom :D[/quote]

I agree Jamie is very cute but only until he speaks! 8)
 
#18
I've only seen a bit of ultimate arrse and the closest I've been to THEM is when I got lost around Hereford on my way to a party in Ross (Ross-on-Wye, not Ross Kemp - I have never been inside ross kemp, party or no party) so I'm no expert. I am, however, a bit miffed generally about the portrayal of women in the army in documentaries such as UF, Redcaps, Soldier Soldier and Camberwick Green.
They always use moderately attractive (3 pinters, if you will) actoresseses like Tamzin Outhwaite ant that Wrac that did Robson and Jerome. In my opinion they should go for COMPLETE fantasy (Charlize Theron, Ashley Judd, that one out of bend it like beckham) or actually go for realism. There are plenty of celebs who wouyld be great for portraying dorises: Big Brother's Jade for example, or Hayley from Corrie.

A bit of integrity on the part of TV producers is all we ask....
 
#19
RTFQ said:
There are plenty of celebs who wouyld be great for portraying dorises: Big Brother's Jade for example, or Hayley from Corrie...
Things must have improved. When I was in, there was a casting session for a part as a WRAC in a small british film.

Bob Hoskins and Eric Bristow were turned down for being 'too glamorous.'
I believe Bill Tarmey was pipped at the post when Arthur Mullard showed up in a skirt.
 
#20
Convoy_Cock said:
Does this bloke grip anybody elses sh*t as much as he grips mine?

In the same way that you can't tear your eyes away from a car crash, i've found myself watching bits of the astonishingly bad Ultimate Force series.

It's all horrific, right from the opening music to the A-Team plotlines. But worse, far worse, than anything else, is that Ross Kemp is a FAT ba*tard.

The bloke should be on Remedial PT, not Operations. He's got the classic pub landlord look "i'm a big feller me, but as soon as your not looking at me, i'm going to breathe out, and let 40lbs of urine-tank gut hang over my belt"

Why did they hire the Pledge-headed tubster? Were Lewis Collins/Sean Bean/Robson Green/Chin-jut Jerome/ all too busy?

I know it's currently being covered in the Int Cell, but please can we have some NAAFI bar standard slagging of this plastic-cockney blimp?

Didn't you know that fat plus smile equals 'jovial', but fat plus frown equals 'hard as nails' ?

It's called the 'Harley Syndrome'.
 

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