Morning Chaps & Chapesses, I don't know if it's the Mrs Whitehouse in me (that infernal, overzealous, Christian, twit who wrote numerous letters of pomposity to the beeb regarding her enlightened view of correct decorum) but I've been quite offended by the last two episodes of Ultimate Farce. Last week some chap was holding a few people hostage on a bus & behaving in a way that I usually do most weekends, only to be rewarded in a rather unsporting manner by having his throbber blown off by some tart. Is this really suitable family viewing? This week some deviant young lady threatens to blow up half of England with a nuke & merely has a pistol waved in her face. I find these circumstances a tad unfair & must conclude that Ultimate Farce is written by a group of left-wing, man hating, militant lesbians who were clearly ignored by their fathers. Whenâs the last time one heard of a girlie getting her flange blown open? (Except in the more obscure parts of darkest Africa) I've heard such things referred to all too often now in many forms of popular culture & I'm rather worried young ladies may consider this as acceptable behaviour. I understand there's a renaissance for it in Thailand recently & I've personally been threatened by such drastic action 3 or 4 times now by rejected bints. I don't mean to be pedantic & even still embrace some parts of male chivalry, but if the nouveau suffragettes want progress perhaps it would be acceptable to have us all mutilate each others genitalia equally I have the honour, &tc. ~D.C.