U-Boats in the Black Sea

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Chef, Feb 8, 2008.

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  1. On Today this am it was announced that 3 U-boats which had been scuttled in 1945 were in the process of being found.

    The acedemic who had dived on the first one (shades of Dirk Pitt) said that apart from the deck gun and ack-ack 20mm they were intact, and as they were not war graves eligible to be raised!

    My point is that I remember when the penguin had a sub (proper Batman film)and was going to hold the world to ransom, we must have enough expertise and cash to get them on line and run our own Arrse navy.

    It's got to be worth a go :fish: :salut:
  2. I found some old chopsticks n my kitchen drawer - maybe we could open up a Chinese restaurant? :p
  3. Worlds first underwater brothal... 'Going down with us while going down on her'!

    Count me in for 10% when my money clears from this nice Ghanain guy who emailed me...
  4. Chinese and broth, we can't lose :dance:

    As regards your Ghanain money, I think you'll find it is actually coming to me, I've already sent my details, sorry I got there first, but I will split the cash if you send me your details and a £200 admin fee :excited:
  5. Well have they found Maddie when they were down there i hear she is like a U-boat....lying at the bottom of the sea full of dead semen
  6. PM me your bank details and I'll pay it in for you tomorrow... :roll:
  7. That's shocking! Really shocking! But only because a gobfull of wifebeater is all over the laptop and power cable!

    I'll be joining you in hell for laffing at that one... :twisted:
  8. Only if you fancy, ahem, going down with a bunch of blokes who haven't had a wash for up to six weeks. It might be OK if you like hot bunking and wildlife, 'cos after the first few days your pubes will be a bonsai rain forest with your own personal herd of crab lice.

    Dear god man, have you never seen Das Boot?

    What we want is one of the Typhoon class subs that are currently rusting in Russian naval dockyards. As the biggest submarines ever built, they not only have room for 200 nuclear warheads but also a sauna and swimming pool for the crew.

    Commercial opportunities are too numerous to mention. From running cocaine across the Gulf of Mexico to people smuggling Filipino love slaves under the Arctic ice cap, we'd soon recoup our costs.
  9. I must admit I like the idea of a sauna, but a swimming pool? I suppose that they are reasonably seaworthy, and sold in 'as seen' condition,MOT Log book etc? :pirat:
  10. I presume by sauna and swimming pool you are reffering to the leaking reactor coolant? Would probably create the effect you are talking about and you may enjoy it briefly :D
  11. You could sell one to Michael Barrymore as a yacht!

    He could then fire any embarrassing dry bummed stiffs out of the torpedoe tubes and be over the horizon by morning!
  12. Can't we suggest to the Labour NEC that, owing to the security threat, they'd be best holding the next Party coference onboard a ship?
  13. Nope. The Typhoons famously have a swimming pool, sauna and gym on board. Just as well as they can sit on the bottom of the ocean for up to six months while war rages overhead.

    Can't speak for the reactors on the Typhoon. I did see an interesting film once about the first Soviet nuclear powered sub though. They were lagging the US Navy quite badly so the order went out to get a nuclear boat in service with the Soviet navy without delay.

    US engineer explained that the hardest problem to solve was reactor control rod design. The reactor had to be sealed enough to keep radiation in but open enough to let control rods move in and out.

    Complex welding designs were drawn up by USN's finest brains, in order to make the reactor safe.

    Simple, fecking big holes were drawn up by the Soviet Navy's political commissars to avoid the need for time consuming design work.

    The Russkies did get their boat from drawing board to launch in record time, but frequent crew changes were required as glow in the dark matelots spoiled the officers' night vision.
  14. I think I left a Typhoon in trap two today, but there must have been a problem with its ballast tanks as the fcuker wouldn't dive
  15. Is it full of dead seamen?