Types of sex

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by General_Layabout, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
    Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
    "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
    "Social Security sex?"
    "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"


    LOUD SEX
    A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.
    Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
    "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
    what the problem is."
    "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"


    QUIET SEX
    Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
    wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
    She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


    CONFOUNDED SEX
    A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

    The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

    "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
    The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."


    WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
    My husband came home with a tube of K-Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
    He couldn't get back in.



    ELDERLY SEX
    One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman.
    She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor "assisted living apartment" .. Killing him instantly.
    Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defence.
    She began coolly, "Yes, your honour, I figured that at 92, if he could have
    sex ..
    He could fly."