Twisted Language

#1
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>Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
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>A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
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>Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
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>Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
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>A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
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>A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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>Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
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>Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
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>Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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>Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
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>When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
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>A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
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>What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)
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>Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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>In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
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>She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
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>A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
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>If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
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>With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
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>When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
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>You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
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>Every calendar's days are numbered.
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>A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
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>A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
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>He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
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>A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.
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>Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall
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>Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
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>Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
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>Acupuncture is a jab well done.
 

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