Twas the month after Christmas

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Rednose, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Twas the month after Christmas,
    And all through the house,
    Nothing would fit me,
    Not even a blouse.

    The cookies I'd nibbled,
    The chocolate I'd taste
    At the holiday parties
    Had gone to my waist.

    When I got on the scales
    There arose such a number!
    When I walked to the store
    Less a walk than a lumber,

    I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
    The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
    The wine, champagne truffles, the bread and the cheese
    And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

    As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
    And prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
    I said to myself, as I only can,
    "You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!"

    So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
    Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
    Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
    Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

    I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
    I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
    I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
    I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

    I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore...
    But isn't that what January is for?
    Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
    Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.