Twas on the good ship Venus...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Machristo, Mar 20, 2007.

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  1. OK chaps, I'm after the most complete version of this song we can muster, but I want it to be a bit game-ish as well.

    No copy and pastes from other websites of the supposed 'entire' song.
    No copying and pasting Frigging in the Rigging by the Sex Pistols.
    Only one verse per post.

    You can double post if you think the verses you have to offer justify it.

    I'll kick us off with the first verse and the chorus (no, before you all whinge, it doesn't count). And for the love of Christ check to make sure no one has posted the verse you're offering up before. Oh, and it'd be nice if we got no contradictory verses, ie. 3 'first mates' with different names. So be imaginative and change things about a bit if you have to get them to fit nicely, even if the good ship Venus ends up with 50 ship's mates....

    Twas on the good ship Venus,
    By God you should have seen us;
    The figure-head was a whore in bed,
    And the mast was the captains penis.

    Friggin' in the riggin',
    Wankin' on the plankin',
    Masturbatin' on the gratin',
    'Cause there's f*ck all else to do.
  2. Longlenny

    Longlenny War Hero Book Reviewer

    The cooks wifes name was Mable
    By God she weren't half able
    She gave the crew their daily due
    Upon the galley table.
  3. Longlenny

    Longlenny War Hero Book Reviewer

    The bosun's name was Carter
    He was a dirty farter
    When the wind wouldn't blow
    And the ship wouldn't go
    Carter the farter would start her
  4. The Cabin boy was Kipper
    'E was a fukcin' nipper
    E' crammed 'is arrse with broken glass
    And circumcised the skipper
  5. The Captain's name was Morgan
    By Christ he was a Mormon
    Ten tunes a day we'd play away
    On his fecking organ.
  6. The First Mate's name was Cooper
    By Christ he was a trooper
    He jerked and jerked until he worked
    Himself into a stupor.
  7. The Second Mate was Andy
    By Christ he had a dandy
    'Til they crushed his c0ck with jagged rocks
    For coming in the brandy
  8. The Gunners Mate was Topper
    By God he had a Whopper
    Once Round the Deck
    Twice round his neck
    And up his arrse for a stopper.
  9. The Cabin boy was Kipper
    'E was a dirty little nipper
    E' blocked 'is bum with bubble gum
    And vulcanised the skipper
  10. The captain had a daughter
    Who fell into the water;
    Delighted squeals revealed that eels
    Had found her sexual quarter...
  11. The ship's cook's name was Freeman
    He was a dirty demon
    He served the crew with menstrual stew
    And hymens fried in semen.
  12. FFS the cook's already been done (fnar fnar) :roll:

    The dog his name was Rover,
    The whole crew did him over,
    We ground and ground that faithful hound,
    From Singapore to Dover.
  13. The Captain of this starker
    He wept to leave his mother
    He wasn't fit to shovel sh1t
    From one place to another
  14. The captain's wife was Charlotte
    She was a natural harlot
    All through the night her thighs shone white
    By morning they were scarlet.
  15. While crossing the equator
    The crew did elevate her
    She bared her ass on the topmost mast
    And dared the crew to mate her.