TV quote of the week

#1
Last night I was sad enough to be watching Countryfile, Julia Bradbury was up the Carngorms digging a snowhole with an iceaxe and her hands, she turned to the camera and said I dont know why I am doing this as there are six mountain rescue blokes over there with shovels she turns to the blokes and says " Hey guys I have a small hole up here that needs making bigger can you help?" I was giggling like Finbarr Saunders.
So I thought I would start a quote of the week thread.
 
#2
Kate Silverton today lunchtime news.
Piece on Iraq inquiry,according to her we have a new General..........................................Sir Jock Stirrup.
 

BiscuitsAB

LE
Moderator
#3
Ciderman said:
Last night I was sad enough to be watching Countryfile, Julia Bradbury was up the Carngorms digging a snowhole with an iceaxe and her hands, she turned to the camera and said I dont know why I am doing this as there are six mountain rescue blokes over there with shovels she turns to the blokes and says " Hey guys I have a small hole up here that needs making bigger can you help?" I was giggling like Finbarr Saunders.
So I thought I would start a quote of the week thread.
Nice! are you a follower of the "quality not quantity" school of thread posting? :)
 
#4
Bloke on Come Dine With Me saying how he got into cooking.

Well I learned to cook because the wife is blonde - so it was either that or starve. And the kids looked hungry so we learned to open tins, progressed to vegetables and it went from there.

Would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she watched that episode!
 

BiscuitsAB

LE
Moderator
#5
ExPadBrat said:
Bloke on Come Dine With Me saying how he got into cooking.

Well I learned to cook because the wife is blonde - so it was either that or starve. And the kids looked hungry so we learned to open tins, progressed to vegetables and it went from there.

Would have loved to be a fly on the wall when she watched that episode!
Ello you, you allright?
 
#6
Guy interviewing Oscar Mouse (guy who runs the tough guy race)

Interviewer "Im talking to Oscar Mouse, That not your real name is it?"

Oscar "Course it is, my Dad was a Bastard!!"
 
#7
whats with the sh!t arrse links? or is my compuder fecked
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#9
"And now the weather wherever you are"

So good, I wet my smalls.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
#10
TheIronDuke said:
"And now the weather wherever you are"

So good, I wet my smalls.
So - it is true. You do watch the political propaganda!
 
#11
Saturdays National Lottery game show thing, hosted by Dale Sodding Winton. Mrs Sfub was watching it, I had half an ear on the thicko contestants, as their mind-numbing ignorance gives me something to rage over.
The bit that made my evening was when one of the contestants, a camp as a row of Brownie tents mincer, was asked the name of the planet named after the Roman god of the sea. He didn't know, so his answer was
"Oooh, I don't know, I think I'll go for Uranus Dale..."

Nearly made the license fee worthwhile that did...
 
#12
There's not much that gets on my mammaries, (ok I lied a lot) but I cannot believe that fookin' telly has managed to boil both my blood and pi$$ simultaneously these days.
Listen to any Pimms drinkin',melba toast gobblin',I earn tons of dosh and you don't, blue cheese licker when referring to a human being that has put pen/brush, to paper and that masterpiece is described as teeth itchingly.... a phuckin' DRAWRING..
Where and when on this persons planet has the word drawing got a phookin' 'R' in it eh?
Yesterdays Antiques Road show was a point in question when Constables pencil and ink scribble was described as such. (apologies to the master him/herself)
Detective Inspectors that get their fat arrse out the office,(excuding any cameras present)
Suitcases/bags that have any weight in them,
A politician that can answer a straight question with yes or no,
the fookin Websters that aren't eating fish and bloody chips for tea,
a Dickinsons Real Deal pimmel that isn't trying to rip a member of the public off!
I'm just going to post on the 'Alcohol' thread now.
 
#13
sfub said:
Saturdays National Lottery game show thing, hosted by Dale Sodding Winton. Mrs Sfub was watching it, I had half an ear on the thicko contestants, as their mind-numbing ignorance gives me something to rage over.
The bit that made my evening was when one of the contestants, a camp as a row of Brownie tents mincer, was asked the name of the planet named after the Roman god of the sea. He didn't know, so his answer was
"Oooh, I don't know, I think I'll go for Uranus Dale..."

Nearly made the license fee worthwhile that did...
No joke, I nearly puked at that drip wristed twat and just couldn't bear to watch it!
However the gentleman dragged Hamlet from the base of his spine! fair do's!
Not often you see a thicket of contestants in such a small space though!
 
#14
mmm-babies-heads said:
There's not much that gets on my mammaries, (ok I lied a lot) but I cannot believe that fookin' telly has managed to boil both my blood and pi$$ simultaneously these days.
Listen to any Pimms drinkin',melba toast gobblin',I earn tons of dosh and you don't, blue cheese licker when referring to a human being that has put pen/brush, to paper and that masterpiece is described as teeth itchingly.... a phuckin' DRAWRING..
Where and when on this persons planet has the word drawing got a phookin' 'R' in it eh?
Yesterdays Antiques Road show was a point in question when Constables pencil and ink scribble was described as such. (apologies to the master him/herself)
Detective Inspectors that get their fat arrse out the office,(excuding any cameras present)
Suitcases/bags that have any weight in them,
A politician that can answer a straight question with yes or no,
the fookin Websters that aren't eating fish and bloody chips for tea,
a Dickinsons Real Deal pimmel that isn't trying to rip a member of the public off!
I'm just going to post on the 'Alcohol' thread now.
Hear hear. All so very true, but for fuck sake, breath you cunt :D
 
#15
GrizzlyPanda said:
mmm-babies-heads said:
There's not much that gets on my mammaries, (ok I lied a lot) but I cannot believe that fookin' telly has managed to boil both my blood and pi$$ simultaneously these days.
Listen to any Pimms drinkin',melba toast gobblin',I earn tons of dosh and you don't, blue cheese licker when referring to a human being that has put pen/brush, to paper and that masterpiece is described as teeth itchingly.... a phuckin' DRAWRING..
Where and when on this persons planet has the word drawing got a phookin' 'R' in it eh?
Yesterdays Antiques Road show was a point in question when Constables pencil and ink scribble was described as such. (apologies to the master him/herself)
Detective Inspectors that get their fat arrse out the office,(excuding any cameras present)
Suitcases/bags that have any weight in them,
A politician that can answer a straight question with yes or no,
the fookin Websters that aren't eating fish and bloody chips for tea,
a Dickinsons Real Deal pimmel that isn't trying to rip a member of the public off!
I'm just going to post on the 'Alcohol' thread now.
Hear hear. All so very true, but for fuck sake, breath you cunt :D
And Breath! :)
 
#16
Dispatches, young taliban struggling to get an IED to work.

"It doesn't work"
"Press the button"
"BANG"

All done 50m from said IED.
 
#17
fraudstar said:
Dispatches, young taliban struggling to get an IED to work.

"It doesn't work"
"Press the button"
"BANG"

All done 50m from said IED.
Interesting program that one, it wasn't a job I would have wanted to do, I tell you that now!

Probably that one, it made I giggle quite a bit.
 
#18
sfub said:
Saturdays National Lottery game show thing, hosted by Dale Sodding Winton. Mrs Sfub was watching it, I had half an ear on the thicko contestants, as their mind-numbing ignorance gives me something to rage over.
The bit that made my evening was when one of the contestants, a camp as a row of Brownie tents mincer, was asked the name of the planet named after the Roman god of the sea. He didn't know, so his answer was
"Oooh, I don't know, I think I'll go for Uranus Dale..."

Nearly made the license fee worthwhile that did...
that bloke made dale look positively manly. I think even winton was embarassed.
 
#19
mmm-babies-heads said:
There's not much that gets on my mammaries, (ok I lied a lot) but I cannot believe that fookin' telly has managed to boil both my blood and pi$$ simultaneously these days.
Listen to any Pimms drinkin',melba toast gobblin',I earn tons of dosh and you don't, blue cheese licker when referring to a human being that has put pen/brush, to paper and that masterpiece is described as teeth itchingly.... a phuckin' DRAWRING..
Where and when on this persons planet has the word drawing got a phookin' 'R' in it eh?
Yesterdays Antiques Road show was a point in question when Constables pencil and ink scribble was described as such. (apologies to the master him/herself)
Detective Inspectors that get their fat arrse out the office,(excuding any cameras present)
Suitcases/bags that have any weight in them,
A politician that can answer a straight question with yes or no,
the fookin Websters that aren't eating fish and bloody chips for tea,
a Dickinsons Real Deal pimmel that isn't trying to rip a member of the public off!
I'm just going to post on the 'Alcohol' thread now.
My Bold

Try the 2nd letter in; genius :D
 
#20
OK, not really this week, but a quote that did tackle the tickle muscles.

On GMTV a few months ago, there was a piece about Domestic Violence and they were interviewing a punch-bag woman and after a short film about DV with a reconstruction of some bird getting a hiding, the presenter turned to the woman and says . . .

"That really must have hit home?"


Yeah Yeah! It made me laugh anyway! :(
 
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