Tv adverts that make you want to smash your TV

It turn's out that my new phone number was reallocated from a victim of postcode lottery and various marketing calls. Sounded highly suspicious to me.
"Can you confirm your name and post code?"
"But I don't subscribe to Post Code Lottery..."
When this didn't put them off I asked for the last letter in the postcode.
"Click"
Dialled 1471
"The caller withheld their number"

My conclusion is it's call centres trying to populate marketing databases. I hope the *******s get caught and fined megabucks.
You wouldn't believe (well, actually you probably would!) how much money there is to be made from what might seem like insignificant information. The cold call/scammer problem isn't going to go away and the TPS is about as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Nowadays, if we don't know the number or its not a stored number in the phone, we don't answer. If it's important, they'll leave a message. These days eight out of ten calls left to go to voicemail don't leave any message. Occasionally there'll be half of an automated PPI or no-fault crash message.

My wrinklies have shuffled off (hence finally of no further use to the scammer scum), SWMBON's wrinklies are under strict instructions not to divulge or agree to anything on the phone from an unknown party and to hang up pronto. Problem is MIL thinks everyone is a fluffy bunny rabbit.
 
You wouldn't believe (well, actually you probably would!) how much money there is to be made from what might seem like insignificant information. The cold call/scammer problem isn't going to go away and the TPS is about as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

Nowadays, if we don't know the number or its not a stored number in the phone, we don't answer. If it's important, they'll leave a message. These days eight out of ten calls left to go to voicemail don't leave any message. Occasionally there'll be half of an automated PPI or no-fault crash message.

My wrinklies have shuffled off (hence finally of no further use to the scammer scum), SWMBON's wrinklies are under strict instructions not to divulge or agree to anything on the phone from an unknown party and to hang up pronto. Problem is MIL thinks everyone is a fluffy bunny rabbit.
Kid sister is a police woman. Got a landline installed in her new house and told the family not to give her number, which was ex-directory, to anyone. Two hours after getting the phone installed she gets her first incoming call on her new phone - a double glazing salesman. They had phoned our grandmother who had said that she didn't need it but that her granddaughter had just bought a new house and this is her phone number...
 
Quickquid The broken boiler one were she lets her son become a dirtbox until its fixed at 1670% id let them stay durty
What's with the bell-end in the background mowing his fooking lawn at about 08:00 - nice neighbour to live next door to.
 
Not adverts for stuff, as such, but trailers for programmes coming up.

Watching Gilmore Girls on 5STAR this morning, they had a trailer for "Milkshake" which is the poor person's CBBC, telling us what Pingu or whoever's escapades were going to be that morning. Followed by a trailer for Jennifer Aniston night on 5STAR, showing her getting her kit off. Why? Just why? Is it to keep the dads interested while they wait for the latest instalment in Rory and Lorelai's fictional lives in Stars Hollow to finish?

You lot are going to watching out for it now, aren't you?
 
The scene: Tan Hill Inn, some oversize boozers and their squaws (probably not local) tucking in to a couple of scoops on an ostensibly Christmas morning. Plot develops, namely the weather becomes (remarkably) more hostile than the locals, looks like a lock-in.

Set to on the lock-in, with grub, a table of plenty that closely resembles Christmas Dinner, a bounteous repast.

Seems just get started on the blow-out, when two helpful coves dig out the front door and announce that they've liberated all . . .

. . . To baleful glares from all assembled, who evidently do not appreciate being so 'rescued'.

Fade to sickening, patronising 'Waitrose makes Christmas' blurb.

Apart from the obvious cuntinuity errors, the nearest Waitrose to the Tan Hill Inn is 60 miles away, passing plenty of supermarkets (and local suppliers) on the way.

The southern cunts.
And nobody frequenting that particular establishment ever described the scoff as "bountious repast"

The beer's OK though.
 
Not adverts for stuff, as such, but trailers for programmes coming up.

Watching Gilmore Girls on 5STAR this morning, they had a trailer for "Milkshake" which is the poor person's CBBC, telling us what Pingu or whoever's escapades were going to be that morning. Followed by a trailer for Jennifer Aniston night on 5STAR, showing her getting her kit off. Why? Just why? Is it to keep the dads interested while they wait for the latest instalment in Rory and Lorelai's fictional lives in Stars Hollow to finish?

You lot are going to watching out for it now, aren't you?
No
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
There's an advert for ladies incontinence pants called Always Discreet Boutique. If I ever got the chance to go out womanising again and came across a bint and got lucky, then at some point, found she was wearing them, I'd be right out of the door in seconds. Paper granny pants with a flowery print on the side to make them look "pretty" FFS!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
There's an advert for ladies incontinence pants called Always Discreet Boutique. If I ever got the chance to go out womanising again and came across a bint and got lucky, then at some point, found she was wearing them, I'd be right out of the door in seconds. Paper granny pants with a flowery print on the side to make them look "pretty" FFS!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
If I ever get to the stage where my pants go tropical every time I move my mouth, I'll probably consult a doctor as opposed to taking medical advice from an advert.
 
On a par with skin cream for men, ****ing poofs!
 
I take it that if you need to buy the ones with EIGHT green 'drip' symbols you're a squirter on permanent send with a body odour issue... .

The adverts that get me currently are the ones popping up for 'vaginal discharge' and 'vaginal odour'... they tend to be while I'm sat eating a takeaway. The missus looks at me as if I'm odd for screwing my face up "It's only natural..." yeah but if there was an ad for men who suffer from smegma issues I'm sure it wouldn't be shown before the 9pm watershed..

Vagisil is one advert and there's another for 'bacterial vaginosis'.... it put me right off having extra mayonnaise on my chips....

Cream for 'vaginal dryness' is another.... I mean which highly paid advertising exec came up with the name 'moistcream'?..... moist.....mmmm
 
Last edited:
There's an advert for ladies incontinence pants called Always Discreet Boutique. If I ever got the chance to go out womanising again and came across a bint and got lucky, then at some point, found she was wearing them, I'd be right out of the door in seconds. Paper granny pants with a flowery print on the side to make them look "pretty" FFS!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
Given your vintage, and if you're looking for summat with a bit of style, that's probably the best you can expect . . .

What d'you expect at your age, an entirely continent ******* trampoline artist?
 

Joker62

ADC
Book Reviewer
Given your vintage, and if you're looking for summat with a bit of style, that's probably the best you can expect . . .

What d'you expect at your age, an entirely continent ******* trampoline artist?
Of course I do, I don't want some limp bladdered grandma!

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
 
I take it that if you need to buy the ones with EIGHT green 'drip' symbols you're a squirter on permanent send with a body odour issue... .

The adverts that get me currently are the ones popping up for 'vaginal discharge' and 'vaginal odour'... they tend to be while I'm sat eating a takeaway. The missus looks at me as if I'm odd for screwing my face up "It's only natural..." yeah but if there was an ad for men who suffer from smegma issues I'm sure it wouldn't be shown before the 9pm watershed..

Vagisil is one advert and there's another for 'bacterial vaginosis'.... it put me right off having extra mayonnaise on my chips....

Cream for 'vaginal dryness' is another.... I mean which highly paid advertising exec came up with the name 'moistcream'?..... moist.....mmmm
I keep getting confused between the 'Which?' free leaflet about how to use laptops and the 'Internet Health' one....which is actually 'intimate health' and has the bacterial vaginosis lollipop.
This is a true - and disturbing- story.
All adverts are shite except the 'Wat doing?' talking boxer dog one about credit scores. Maybe Old Spice.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
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