Turd Tales merged - all poo threads in here please

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Capt Cheeky, Jul 5, 2004.

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  1. Jeezus worse than the Porton Down Battle Run and requiring the same NBC dress state.

    Personally I find crapping with a respirator on to avoid my eyes running as bad form anyone got any better suggestions to solve this problem apart from invest in a shovel.
  2. involuntary urination and defecation?
  3. try locking someone in with a ratchet strap then chucking a thundy down the vent pipe , they wont smell any better but it's a f**king scream.
    instant sh*t monster. 8O :lol:
  4. Cheekster

    When using a Turdis its best to get in before about 07:30.

    If they have backed up, as it where, there is usually a phone number to call, printed on the outside.

    Failing which, eat more compo and go once a week.
  5. Had the honour of watching this done on a Med Man and I can honestly say that it is THE funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my life.

    The emerging recipient is not only absolutley covered in sh1t, p1ss and the blue stuff they whack down there, but is also temporarily deaf, blind and stunned.

    Watching a sh1t and p1ss covered dazed blue man stumbling around the prairie is indeed a wonderful site :D Squaddies should NEVER be trusted with pyro, I'm just glad that someone noticed that Mig was trying to fill the gap at the bottom of the Thunderflash with liberated PE4 before it was actually dropped down the chute 8O

    Wonder how many years you would get in Colly for doing that now?
  6. I would've killed for a Turdis.... those little wooden shacks dotted around the plain with a bog seat over a moving pile of unsanitised excretia are the bain of my life.

    Turdis's are more akin to the bloody hilton compared to these half hearted efforts.
  7. you never had the pleasure of Sennelager Training Area then?a row of about 12 holes all in a row... now that was basic..but what a splashback can be achieved with a couple of thunderflashes!! :lol:
  8. Even better fun is straddling the open crew escape hatch in a 434 whilst on a covoy move. Dump yer load on the road, and hope that you don't have to assist ina track change on anything that might have run over it!
  9. Or you could site your HLS next to a row of turdises and watch them and all the occupants get blown over and covered in shite................pushing them upright again and cleaning up isnt much fun.............. :x :lol:
  10. Right I take it the moral of the story is just grab your trusty entrenching tool and scuttle off on a Shovel Recce.... ?

    Seems the safer bet after all this chat about Sh*t Monsters etc

    Laughed..... I nearly shat!

    CC :twisted:
  11. know a guy who droped his rifle down one of the thunder box's, said it had been stolen but when we found out the truth had to dress up in 3 Romeo and go swmiming it.

    he had to walk 5 miles back to camp as nobody would let him in their wagon, god the smell was bad.
  12. Bielefeld Ridge, old "STAR"(BAOR COMM's in the 70/80ies) tower every exercise in the 80ies the sigs were thereon the top - hill 309 (in meters) (remember down the hill was the looney bin.)

    Returned back in 95 to find hill 309m was now hill 314m, that means in 12 years the sh*t from BAOR exercises built up a pile of 5 meters of human excrement. . Extrapolate that for the rest of the world and we are in the shi*.
  13. When was the last time you saw one of your turds?
    I mean there always under water and covered with bog roll, Dont you just miss those nice kraut bogs with the inspection ramp ,its amazing the veriety of logs one can drop,IE: the single smilie that sat there looking at you after the flush (you had to push it over the ledge by hand )the curler that wound round and looked like a wallnut whip , and taking of nuts why cant we digest pea nuts and sweetcorn (If you gave them a good rinse would they be recyclable?)my personall favorite is the Morning after Guinness dump ,Sleak, jet black,and Huge,its a 3 flusher cos you aint going no whare near it with your bare hands :twisted:
    and did you ever notice that when you went to pull up the old covies your pen would drop out of the top pocket and land like a flag pole smack in the middle of the pan, so you rinse it off in the flush ,then stir the troopies coffee with it back in the office :wink:
  14. As a Biomedical Scientist (lab tech), part of my job (no pun intended) is to examine stools (turds to the non-medical). I have seen countless varieties, small, large, wet, dry, runny, solid, bloody, pusy, worms crawling in them and believe me, be happy we don't have Kraut toilets! The less seen the better :wink:
  15. Best turds are the Teflon Turds - nonstick, one wipe and your free to go!