True Love...

#1
Right Valintines day is almost upon us and I need ideas.
Being a tight fist jock I never liked the idea of forking out £60 for some flowers that dry up and die after a few days. Lots of the stuff in the shop's are just consumeristic cr@p that is about as romantic as a dose of the clap. I'm looking for something different. I need ideas! I need Arrse ideas! :D
 
#4
Noddy suit, S10, some restraints and a sign saying want to try something different :)

Buy a cheap guitar from a sechond hand shop, learn James Blunts wailing song, and play it outside bedroom window to her..... :p

Home made picknick (made by you), drive her to romantic location, tell her how you feel (in a manly way of course)and how the children (if you have any) are the best and most loving gift she has given you, and also say that, when you are away on ops and feeling down, alone and in the early hours, the memory of her face and times you have had with her brings you comfort .......................




Then produce the biggest DeBeers Diamond she has ever seen .... the above wont work but I bet the diamond does everytime :)


J
 
#5
Bottle of Champers, Card, Fancy oil for a back rub, Then Shag her.....
 
#6
Poppers.

msr
 

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#7
Speaking as a jock can I recommend a single rose.

Very romantic and a damn sight cheaper than a dozen of them!
 
#8
LordVonHarley said:
Right Valintines day is almost upon us and I need ideas.
Being a tight fist jock I never liked the idea of forking out £60 for some flowers that dry up and die after a few days. Lots of the stuff in the shop's are just consumeristic cr@p that is about as romantic as a dose of the clap. I'm looking for something different. I need ideas! I need Arrse ideas! :D
Say it with words....

Dearest Valentine i think you're great, i think you're fab,
I'd love to cover you in spadge before tw.ating you with a paving slab,
I'd stroke your hair as you lay their still,
Then roll you in carpet and lobb you down a hill,
In a ditch your body will lay and wrot,
Still covered in my tartan coc.k snot,
They say roses are red, violets blue but a screwdriver to the bonce is all i want to give to you,
Dearest Valentine please dont think im twisted,
I'll visit soon to ensure your corpse gets fisted.


Hope this helps.
 
#9
Don't try the plastic single rose either. It was such a good idea - it will never die etc etc - Not the best reaction in the world!!!!
 
#10
I'm in a bit of a special circumstance...what do you get the wife you're in the midst of divorcing? :twisted:
 
#11
Yank_Lurker said:
I'm in a bit of a special circumstance...what do you get the wife you're in the midst of divorcing? :twisted:
a framed photo of you banging the backs doors in of your new 16 year old thai girlfriend?


Or simply one of you shagging her mum/sister/gran
 
#12
Yank_Lurker


9MM enema?

Car with no brakes?

Exit pamplet?


j
 
#13
Yank_Lurker said:
I'm in a bit of a special circumstance...what do you get the wife you're in the midst of divorcing? :twisted:
Order a hit on her: less messy and painful than divorce and must be cheaper than paying maintenance? :D
 
#14
A red letter day voucher entitling her to a Jill Dando doorstep challenge experience

toodlepip
theGimp
 
#16
The cut off for 'not remembering' your PIN for all carte de credites and switch/cash card is 14th Feb

Are we going to see "embarrassed bloke" scenes in eateries round the country as every one gets F))ked off at the high port for not having their PIN.

It started so well, promises of good food and fine wines, perhaps she'll don the crotchless fishnet catsuit and dish out a decent nosh........And end in tears and having to do the washing up in your local italian/doing a runner your missus will never forgive or more importantly forget

Perhaps you could pimp her out to Stephano the head waiter, she's always had a thing about him so she'd probably do the honours

or does it all start on the 15th

Answers on a postcard
toodlepip
theGimp
toodlepip
theGimp
 
#17
Don't get her anything, not even a card. Explain to her it's mainly a stupid "girlie" thing anyhow and that you are not prepared to line the pockets of the supermarkets/florists/chocolate-making factories/fluffy teddy bear making factories with your hard earned cash.
 
#18
Get her one of these. She'll laugh her head off.
 
#19
Bring round a few mate round from work and get them to make a spunk fountain over you and her will you kick her back doors in wearing only a African corp hat and 6” stilettos.
 
#20
the_rigger said:
CHICKS DIG GUNS
... I personally use a shovel meself.

On a romantic note. Can't go wrong with a decent pair of bed socks and the BBC version of pride and prejudice. So she can flick her bean at Colin Firth or watch it while you're doing the dirty up her back botty.

I'll be looking forward to sharing the night with my cats, knitting and cardboard cut-out of Orlando Bloom in all his elfin glory.
 
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