true essex story

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sirbhp, May 8, 2012.

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  1. sirbhp

    sirbhp LE Book Reviewer

    So I was in the barbers last week and one of the local Essex station was on the wireless.
    Now we go to out competition.. Tracey you will receive ten pound for every correct answer to ten questions , if you get all ten correct we will give you a whopping two thousand pounds .

    Tracey : woo woo wow and other pretend excited noises .

    Broadcaster : Right Tracey my love in order to get you started the first question is a very easy one . During the Civil War who were the Round- heads fighting .

    Tracey : ooo eeer hummmm.......

    Broadcaster: sorry Tracey I have to hurry you ....

    Tracey (26) ooooo eerrrrr hummm I know!! The Germans ! woo hoo .

    broadcasters: splutter cough cough silence for a minute .... A lady: er no Tracey

    It went downhill from there .
     
  2. History might not be her strongpoint, should have asked her ones on quantum theory.

    Besides, it's only easy if you know the answer.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. cue essex girl jokes
     
  4. The conversation after gay Harry has a spray tan:


    - and Amy Childs, despite being as thick as mince would get it repeatedly 8)
     
  5. The Roundheads. It was the Cornish they fought wasn't it? The pointy heads? Yes. The Cornish. Germans indeed. Fucking thick bitch.
     
  6. It wasn't the pointy heads - it was the square heads, so it was the Germans. She's not as stupid as you think.

    She'd only confuse Puritans with spray tans though?

    WC
     
  7. I think your being a bit cavalier in your responses there
     
  8. There was one on that shite Lottery programme where Dale Winton minces about patronising people as he presents the other week

    Big_Butch_Dale "Which sea joins the English Channel at Dover?"

    Imbecile "Well it's not the Atlantic because that's an ocean. Errrr I'll go for Mediterranean Dale"


    even my 7 year old started laughing
     
  9. You wouldn't expect her to know about Cavaliers,


    Essex girls wont shag in anything less than a BMW these days.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  10. hehe I think we both worked that one into our replys quite well scooby
     
  11. No-one else noticed either the broadcaster or the OP aren't exactly sharp?
     
  12. Let's hope the barbers kit was sharp!........
     
  13. The following reportedly occurred on a radio show in Melbourne, Australia.
    One of the FM stations has a competition where they phone someone up, ask them three personal questions, phone their spouse or partner, ask them the same three questions, if the answers are the same, the couple win a holiday to Bali.
    Last week the competition went like this:

    Presenter: Gidday its XXX-FM, do you want to play the game?

    Brian: Yeah, sure.

    Presenter: O.K., Question 1 - When was the last time you had sex?

    Brian: Ohhh, maaaate. Ha Ha, well, about 8 o'clock this morning.

    Presenter: And how long did it go for Brian?

    Brian: Orrrrr .... about 10 minutes.

    Presenter: 10 minutes? Good one. And where did you do it mate?

    Brian: Ohhhh maaaaate, I can't say that.

    Presenter: There's a holiday to Bali at stake here Brian!

    Brian: O.K. ... O.K. ... On the kitchen table.

    Presenter: (and others in the room - much laughter). Good one Brian, now is it O.K. for us to call your wife?

    Brian: Yeah, alright.

    Presenter: Hi Sharelle, how are you?

    Sharelle: Hi. Good thanks.

    Presenter: (Explains competition again) We've got Brian on the other line, say hello.

    Sharelle: Hi Brian.

    Brian: Hi Sharelle.

    Presenter: Now Sharelle, we're going to ask you the same three questions we asked Brian and if you give the same answers, you win a trip for two to Bali.

    Brian: Just tell the truth Honey.

    Sharelle: O.K.

    Presenter: Sharelle, when was the last time you had sex?

    Sharelle: Oohhhh, noooooo. I can't say that on radio.

    Brian: Sharelle, it doesn't matter. I've already told them.

    Sharelle: O.K. ... About 8:00 this morning before Brian went to work.

    Presenter: Good, nice start! Next question. How long did it go for Sharelle?

    Sharelle: (giggling) About 12, maybe 15 minutes.

    Co-Presenter: That's close enough ...Brian was just being a gentleman.

    Presenter: O.K. Sharelle, final question. Where did you do it?

    Sharelle: Oh no I can't say that. My mum could be listening. No way, no.

    Presenter: There's a trip to Bali on the line here.

    Brian: Sharelle, I've already told them so it doesn't matter anyway... just tell em.

    Sharelle: Ohhhh .....alright .....Up the arrse!

    RADIO SILENCE

    ADVERTISEMENT

    Presenter: Sorry if anyone was offended before, we're going live here, and sometimes these things happen. We've given Brian and Sharelle the holiday. Now we'll take a music break.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  14. Prince Rupert of the Rhine - the Rhine is in Germany last time I looked...
     
  15. They've recently found that joke depicted in 3,000 year old hieroglyphs in Egypt.