Truckers & Mobiles - Whats the score?

#1
I spend a lot of time on the road commuting and the majority of the time I’m on the blower. Big & clever…..no maybe not but no worse than those who speed, change CD’s whilst driving, converse with passengers in the car, eat/drink whilst driving, wimmen who drive with their t.its etc……. whatever if I get caught I’ll accept the slap on the wrist, if I run over any small children - well that’s just a few less chav’s clogging up the welfare system.

But… rights and wrongs aside what does amuse me is how busy other drivers get when they see you doing it – Truck Drivers in particularly. Have they held a truckers convention to oust drivers on mobiles, they don’t half get upset, beeping horns, flashing lights, waving fists. Surely they have more important things to concern themselves with like pulling out into fast lane of the M1 during rush hour and taking 10 miles to overtake another truck? Or keeping the little French girl stuffed in the footwell quiet before choking her on their convoy co.ck!

More ironic was the chap this morning who drove past shaking his finger disapprovingly – he was doing 45mph in a 30 - you’ve got to love it.

But the award for the biggest chod goes to the chap who pulled level with me at the traffic lights, made some aggressive gestures about me being on the mobile, held up some ID and told me to pull over – I’m still not sure what civil powers a Tesco’s Club card gives you but he was willing to give it a go!

I say lick me, there's got to be more concerning things to be getting busy about, or should i be a good bint and start towing the party line?
 
#3
SparkySteve said:
Go handsfree you silly mare
Why, so I have to repeat every sentence in broken English and the sound level of a Jet Engine?

I am hands free anyway, phones jammed between ear and shoulder, brew in one hand and the others choking my lady penis.

Do you where a bluetooth hearing aid? I bet you do.
 
#4
:) Not at all, i use the lead that came in the box with the phone, as the bluetooth headsets get routinely chucked out the window whilst im doing 90mph on the A1 while eating a roll and tossing myself off
 
#6
Truckers think they are superior to other drivers, well they are to women drivers.
Cait, women cant do driving AND talk on a mobile both at once.
 
#8
Cait said:
...

But the award for the biggest chod goes to the chap who pulled level with me at the traffic lights, made some aggressive gestures about me being on the mobile, held up some ID and told me to pull over – I’m still not sure what civil powers a Tesco’s Club card gives you but he was willing to give it a go!
You'd think Tesco's would make a bit more of an effort with their marketing. I thought the damn thing only gave me a discount on my groceries, but now I know otherwise. Now, where can I can by the blue lights from?
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#9
Being a truckie gives one an automatic 'road police' certificate. It isn't based on the fact that they are better drivers than anyone else, but simply that they are always in the sh!t. They are in the sh!t over driving hours, falling asleep at the wheel, driving dangerously, not giving a fcuk about other drivers, going in the outside lane when they aren't allowed, having a 'boot' full of kosovans and having choking french girls in the footwell.

Thus, being in the sh!t all the time with coppers and other road users gives them the right to be self righteous whenever they see anyone else who isn't a truckie doing the same thing.

The best thing you can do in such circumstances is to veer your car straight under their wheels and laugh yourself silly as the truck bounces all over your car and then jack-knifes into the trees. There's nothing more spectacular to watch (at least from behind). :twisted:

That'll fcuken learn'em!
 
#10
Cait, fcuk 'em all! If they were REAL truckies they would be conversing via CB radio, listening to country music and urging their good buddies to run smokey bears into parked buses full of orphans. My esteemed father was an interstate truckie in Australia and his only complaint was female hitch-hikers who only took one leg out of their jeans,
 
#11
I don't want to generalise but all truck drivers are serial killers.

Every one of them.

It's a bit much to assume the moral high ground, when you've been belting hookers with a ball pein for ten years.

The thing that really makes me chuckle about them, is their perceived connection with Native American Indian culture. I've driven past loads of trucks that have got a superbly spray painted image of someone like Sitting Bull adorning the rear of the cab.

'Wow' I think, 'When I draw level with this guy, he's bound to look like Lou Diamond Phillips or something'

But, of course, they always look like a cross between Stan Ogden and Chubby Brown. And what's with the fcuking nameplate in the front window?? Stop it. Nobody wants to know that 'Big Rab' is driving.

As for you Cait, you're slacking. As well as your roster of activities whilst on the phone, I can add, filling out my timesheet, and having a shave. This should all be done at 120 miles an hour in freezing fog.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#12
convoy_cock said:
I don't want to generalise but all truck drivers are serial killers.

Every one of them.

It's a bit much to assume the moral high ground, when you've been belting hookers with a ball pein for ten years.

The thing that really makes me chuckle about them, is their perceived connection with Native American Indian culture. I've driven past loads of trucks that have got a superbly spray painted image of someone like Sitting Bull adorning the rear of the cab.

'Wow' I think, 'When I draw level with this guy, he's bound to look like Lou Diamond Phillips or something'

But, of course, they always look like a cross between Stan Ogden and Chubby Brown. And what's with the fcuking nameplate in the front window?? Stop it. Nobody wants to know that 'Big Rab' is driving.

As for you Cait, you're slacking. As well as your roster of activities whilst on the phone, I can add, filling out my timesheet, and having a shave. This should all be done at 120 miles an hour in freezing fog.
Don't forget to play with your tom tom and dig around in the dash for your sunglasses whilst shouting at the kids in the back who are screaming for you not to kill them and that they want their mummies and daddies.
 
#13
Rather than risk the wrath of other road users, or indeed a fine, why not simply buy a few homing pigeons?

If you had for example a basket of pigeons trained to fly to each of the people you usually phone, you could still keep in contact without breaking the law. Simply write your message on a small piece of paper, attach it to the birds leg, then release the pigeon out of the window (max speed 85-90mph though or their feathers tend to blow off).

Hope this helps
Regards
T_T
 
#14
The fine could in fact be as much as £1000 if the case goes to court...my handsfree - a Jabra 500 - is clear as a bell, doesn't go in my ear and sits on the visor away from annoying transmission and air-con noises! Cost £60 - bargain.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#15
I don't talk on the mobile while driving. What I do when the phone rings is to launch my car across any lanes I need to without indicating and then coming to a screeching, smoking stop (usually on the zig-zags outside some school or pedestrian crossing) and then have a half hour conversation before jamming my car back into the traffic again. Much safer.
 
#16
Why is it normally the person rolling a ciggy whilst eating a sandwich craning their neck to see what the kids are doing in the back and changing the CD's cunningly hidden under the passenger seat that gets upset when you are affecting Global issues selling stocks and share's on yr mobile in the fast lane!

Same as young people cannot use a mobile/Ipod in a quiet zone of a train however an OAP can "just this once."
 
#18
convoy_cock said:
But, of course, they always look like a cross between Stan Ogden and Chubby Brown. And what's with the fcuking nameplate in the front window?? Stop it. Nobody wants to know that 'Big Rab' is driving.
And whats with the painting of the cabs? Does an Al Pacino portrait on the back of the Scania cover up the DNA of several rape victims enroute? If they spent the spondoulies on their nippers instead of colouring in the cab they wouldn't have to choke up our roadways.

Convoy said:
As for you Cait, you're slacking. As well as your roster of activities whilst on the phone, I can add, filling out my timesheet, and having a shave. This should all be done at 120 miles an hour in freezing fog.
Convoy as much as i love your literary ramblings i'll have to see your timesheet and chinshave combo and raise you a full fanny wax mit legs out each window and left hand on the accelerator and forehead on the steering wheel!
 
#19
why not switch your phone off and stow it in the boot, no chance of it going off and no temptation to use it and break the law, cause an accident, knock a child down, run over some old ladies dog, kill someone or take out a motorbike rider whome you didn't see because you couldn't turn your head far enough to look down the road because you had your phone jammed between your ear and shoulder.

just a thought.
 
#20
Cait said:
convoy_cock said:
But, of course, they always look like a cross between Stan Ogden and Chubby Brown. And what's with the fcuking nameplate in the front window?? Stop it. Nobody wants to know that 'Big Rab' is driving.
And whats with the painting of the cabs? Does an Al Pacino portrait on the back of the Scania cover up the DNA of several rape victims enroute? If they spent the spondoulies on their nippers instead of colouring in the cab they wouldn't have to choke up our roadways.

Convoy said:
As for you Cait, you're slacking. As well as your roster of activities whilst on the phone, I can add, filling out my timesheet, and having a shave. This should all be done at 120 miles an hour in freezing fog.
Convoy as much as i love your literary ramblings i'll have to see your timesheet and chinshave combo and raise you a full fanny wax mit legs out each window and left hand on the accelerator and forehead on the steering wheel!
Sorry, that was a bit remiss of me. I failed to mention, that all of this was done from the boot. I use a kind of Edward Scissorhands affair, fashioned from snooker cues to press the pedals. I have marigold gloves on the end of two of the cues to help me steer. I prefer to drive from the boot. It puts the sh-its up anyone overtaking my car on the M6 north at half five on a Monday morning. Tales abound in the Cumbrian press about the 'Ghost' car, a sh-itty green Passat with one wheeltrim missing, that mysteriously guides itself up to Tebay services.

The only trouble is, every time I go to let myself out for a lag, I keep expecting Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci to stab me to death.

How come there's no truckers on here to champion the cause?

They're all out doing the Lord's work in Whitechapel, that's why.
 

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