Trouser trouble. Advice please.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by King_of_the_Burpas, Aug 26, 2012.

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  1. I was sitting next to a fantastically attractive woman this afternoon, who rubbed her legs against mine; nothing more than that, mind. It was a minor trifle, rather than a full-on 'Sancho Panza deliveryman with his knob stuck in the oven' scenario.

    To my horror, I found that my trouser snake had extended down my leg. As there were children present, I decided not to stand up until everything was back 'in place'.

    What's the best etiquette for hiding a stiffie?

    I usually choose a well thumbed copy of the Spectator.

  2. Beat it down with a toffee hammer.
  3. Hide it? You should have slapped her across the chops with it, the teasing slunt.
  4. Ron Jeremy Walt.
  5. The saucy minx, you should have guided her hand to your distress and invited her to do something about it.
  6. If she looks as good as the one in this pic, I feel your pain. Don't worry , it's perfectly natural and we just can't claim we keep ferrets. Usually sorted by wearing six pairs of grollies and have a spoon in your pocket.

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  7. I found that quite unhelpful, Heartface.

    The trouble is now that it's happened, i get a stonk on simply by remembering her ankle on my leg. It wakes me up on the bus. Sainsbury's bog has a machine that sells 'Bromide Pills' alongside the jonnies.

    Should I buy some? Or are they just placebos?
  8. Dear God, are you the sort that sleeps on a bus? Away with you and your sordid shenanigans, find solace with your White Lightening under a bridge somewhere.
    • Like Like x 1
  9. You know the rules Photo's or it didn't happen. But next time use the Times in Broadsheet makes it look like you have something to hide ;)
  10. White Lightning is for cunts. I prefer Thatcher's Somerset Cripplecock.

    Er, which may explain my condition.

    But it is a problem. And, entre nous, sometimes a bit of dribble pops out of the bell end and messes up my trouser crease.

    There's something about a woman's ankle, perfectly formed, clad in gossamer dark stockings, housed in a red stilly, er....

    wait one. (will only take 20 secs)
  11. A PA and a length of stout twine.
  12. As a bloke who spends a lot of time in the more salubrious areas of London the sight of finely fettled MILF often causes stirrings at inappropriate times, particularly when they're with their daughters. I endure.
  13. Try hiding it under a few copies of Razzle.