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Trouble with the Police?

Gents, should you find yourself being pulled over by John Q law for speeding, here are a couple of things to say that will get you out of trouble.
"Hey, aren't you the guy from the Village people?"
"Sorry if I was speeding officer, but I leant over to get some crack from the glove compartment and my gun fell out of my lap and jammed on the accelerator pedal"

Any other sure fire excuses would be appreciated


You look a right tw*t with that hat on!

Are you looking at my pint?

Here you go mate, get that down you, I've plenty in the boot!

How do you fancy a smack in the teeth?

Me driving?  F*ck sakes, so I am!

Let's try your helmet on, go on!
Blow in the bag Sir.......
.....Why are your chips too hot?

...and from bitter experience....

Do you know you were doing 60 in a 40 Sir?
Oh, it was much lower than that officer......

....OK 59 then

Git! Still, got off with a caution :)


You should have seen me a minute ago I get 150mph out of this.
I am sorry officer my missus is having a baby..
in 9 months time
Arriving at Dublin Port on the boat from Liverpool in a car with NI plates.  Asked by the Garda 'What nationality are you, Sir?', to which I replied in a loud voice 'English and proud'.  Over an hour later, and Irish customs had removed virtually everything from my car, bar the seats and engine.  Learnt thy lesson !!
A policeman pulled a car over for driving erratically, and said to the driver. " Have you been drinking sir". To which the man replied "coursh I ave what do think I am a Fcucking stunt man".

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