Tricks to play on Mr Vice

Discussion in 'Officers' started by olivers_army, Sep 29, 2006.

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  1. Mess dinner coming up soon and I have been tasked with organising the obligatory tricks on Mr Vice. Some of us suspect that he knows most of them already from previous service. Any obscure ones out there? He's already mentioned the mobile taped under his chair which rings during the OC's speech, and the fishing line/cutlery/chair interface, so those are out.

  2. Try drilling a fine hole in his port glass, or flour in his folded napkin, good for a giggle, Have fun!!!
  3. Get your friendly tooth doctor to take one of his smaller drills to the base chap's port glass, result: the glass empties itself all over the table for no apparent reason! Obviously you warn off the mess manager to have a spare standing by in time for the toast, can't propose the loyal toast with port all over your hand and an empty glass can you?

    On a more base level, food colouring in the white wine glass and paper clips in his napkin. Don't copy one of my colleagues and put oral anaesthetic on his wine glass. It is funny as their mouth goes numb, but he almost got severely disciplined for administering a poisonous substance, only the intervention of his very kindly boss saved him!

    Edited to add: Typical I write a two paragraph essay and get beaten to it by a one liner from humpmaster :oops: a lesson in brevity if ever there was one...
  4. Mobile phone in any large trophy silverware...

    A "Fart Machine" under the guest speakers chair...

    A pair of plastic "Chesticles" filled with water, then frozen and taped under the table in front of his seat. He should feel them, grope around a bit -then "sploosh"!

  5. black nasty a 'giving set' or windscreen wiper tubing along the under side of the table, black nasty means tube is discretely covered, hopefully no way of spotting it. Tube stops short of edge of table so not visible even when sat down. Tube is aimed at Mr Vice's lap. Other end of tube is by designated Mr Funster with a large syringe to squirt desired liquid through tube onto Mr Vice! Oh how we laughed!
  6. As Mr Vice is entertaining the top table, arrange for a hooded man to run in and do every joint on his body with a lump hammer.

    It's not amusing at all but does stop a re run of very old jokes.
  7. Alternatively, you could just attempt to ensure that everyone present enjoyed their evening and the company, and that no-one felt embarrassed or humiliated, annoyed or angry.

    Having been both the instigator and the recipient of such japes, and having grown up a bit since, I would honestly suggest that you do nothing other than support the individual involved and advise him/her of all the pitfalls that no doubt will be placed in their way.
  8. You could also all sing Kum-By-Ya then retire to the gardens where you could all hug trees.
  9. Wise words Intsmurf. But I would add, then leave him to fend for himself against those who'd seek to embarrass him. His time will come.

  10. ....its a fine line between having a bit of fun & making someone look a complete tw*t. In my experience those dishing it out didn't see the funny side when the compliment was returned.