trial Separation

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by delinquent, Apr 14, 2009.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Okay, I've thrown myself to the masses of arrse in the Naafi and i'll await some interesting responses on the matter but the wife and I have decided on a trial separation. It's a been a long time coming and I guess it's come to a head which is good but where to go now?

    I've got a little boy that I love so much and I guess I don't know whether or not this is long term short term or over for good. I've never been in this situation before and I haven't got a clue. I know I'm desperately unhappy and so it she and after 12 years it seems it might have run it's course.
     
  2. I'm sorry to hear this.

    Could I suggest that, initially, you enquire about making an appointment with Relate? I know that this suggestion sounds a bit trite, but the advantage is that you will have the opportunity to talk through your feelings about what is happening with an impartial but sympathetic counsellor. You can go alone - your wife doesn't have to go too. Link here:

    http://www.relate.org.uk/NearestRelate.asp

    If, after counselling, you feel that a permanent separation is what you want, you should see a solicitor specialising in Family Law, so that the matter of custody of/access to your son is resolved in the best possible way.

    Be sure to take good care of yourself during this time: exercising, good food etc, you know, the usual, as it helps with the stress which you might experience.

    Wishing you well.
     
  3. I'm sorry.

    I would suggest counselling aswell if you haven't already done so. But go with your wife. Sit down and listen to the advice the counsellor gives. Then listen to your wife. Then start talking yourself. Go back to the counsellor as many times as you need and keep talking. What will come out of this is many emotions and possibly enlightenment. Which will help you decide where you both might be going wrong and a wish to put it right. Or the realisation that it truly is over, acceptance and the decision to move on with your life. With a child in the picture I would try every avenue. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
     
  4. Your marriage is past the point of repair. Cut your losses and start afresh. I wouldn't worry too much about the boy - visitation rights and all that.
     
  5. Good luck it is the hardest thing to do. I am going through the same but I know that nothing will change. Sometimes its for the best as the child wont see you fight and end up, with baggage. My other half is tempramental and the distant of constant op tours etc the peace in the house is amazing and my son seems to be more relaxed and loves us both more for it.
     
  6. The good thing about Relate is when argueing at home one to one with the missus you always lose, with Relate there's a 'referee' and you get your say without her butting in.

    I feel for you, I was in the same boat but I'm a bit further down the line. I still feel sorry for myself sometimes. I found accepting somethings in my mind impossible, like not waking up to a house with my children in it screaming and fighting and overall access to my two children, once you accept things in your own mind and have a solution in your own mind then you can move onto the next stage. Envisage your life as it will be, restricted access to your son but a new solid life around that and you may start to sleep better. Your life after marriage is extremely important, despite not living in the same home as your son you will still be a major part on influencing him as he grows up which is why you must look out for yourself as much as you look out for him.

    PM me if you want.
     
  7. All, thanks for coming back to me.

    Headgear I raised the subject in 2 different places one in the NAAFI to cheer me up with stupid banter (I needed cheering up) I just wasn't expecting some sensible advise and of course I posted here for some sensible advise.

    I went to see the wife this morning mainly due the fact that I was missing my son and it seems that it is going to be the norm from now on - So, flat hunting I must go until all of this mess is sorted out and we can get back to normal service.

    Thanks for all of your advice guys and gals.

    D