Travel to the effete South

Unlike K13EOD I'm not going on Holiday, Driving down to Christchurch near Bournemouth on a mission for work.

Are whippets banned in the posh Sarf?, will I need bullbars to shove the octogenarian scooter drivers from my path along the south coast?

I have a demonstration booked at Sandhurst; but sadly this does not involve any ordnance as it's at the local Tesco.
Sould boost the expense account nicely

PP

 

Are you innoculations up to date

 

Have you had all your innoculations?

Bought a phrasebook?

 

No But I am after a Job with Amex in Chester, that way I can stalk Grown up Rafbrat at lunchtime

 

Prior to travel, try to remember to check the shoulders and, if necessary, remove chips.
That way, there is a good chance of being accepted as a "good moosh".

 

Don't do it mate you will get knifed if you go near any major town, your car will get stolen and if you are uniform you will be attacked.

 

Remember, referring to them as sad, shandy-drinking pooftahs is no longer acceptable; its

Sad, shandy drinking Southerner (it's one of them whatchemacallits anyway - Southerner = effete, jellied eel eating shandy drinker).

 

No longer do shandy it is bound to be some Cinzano based coktail "just like the one I had in Magaluf!"

 

Moosh (y) peas and chips mmmmn! I'll have to lick my jacket clean then, saves on the dry cleaning bill.

If I tie laboons to my bumper will I have milions of suvern mllarrs running down Brighton seafront?

 

Nah not really into having pricks - there are too many of them at work.
How bout yourself?

 

No! he is going to Christchuch, not Liverpool, Bradford, Manchester........Insert northern nown here.

 

But it iz an Illness zat ve can cure. Inside every Hermer is another Hermer just trying to pull out.

 

Christchurh is a haven for hoodies.

 

Moosh (y) peas and chips mmmmn! I'll have to lick my jacket clean then, saves on the dry cleaning bill.

That might explain the ...er..mm...personal hygiene issues frequently encountered when out and about among crowds of people north of the Thames Valley, particularly in former mining areas.

(I have long suspected the Oz "smelly pom" gags originated cos of smelly northerners emigrating there - same issue with the "whingeing pom" gags.
In each case, substitute "northern monkey" for "pom".)

England's South Coast = God's Country.

 

If any of them try to relieve my Merc of its hood ornament, I might be tempted to do more than write to the local paper mind.