Trapped down a mine

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Ciggie, Aug 25, 2010.

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  1. 34 muckers, a prospect that you'll be out either by Christmas or in time to see your third baby being born, things getting sweaty and the tinned tuna runniing out. The only lifeline is a foot wide. What would you get sent down the pipe?
  2. Arthur Scargill and a family size pack of KY.
  3. Sorry, AM, only one would fit !!!!
  4. If the 34 muckers are all male how about 34 miniature teddy bears.

    Batteries; ipod; vibrators; condoms; air freshner aerosol; rolled up copy of Barack Obama's: Dreams from my Father and "Choosing that Christmas Gift" catalogue; bottles of red and white wine/glass; Company complaint and compensation forms/pen; spare knickers; toilet rolls.
  5. A revolver and 33 rounds.
  6. Oh, yes, and a book by that McKenna chap, entitled Trust Me I Have A Gun ( I keep a copy strapped to George Michael in case of difficulties)
  7. As months go by, you know how bored people can get. The blokes at the drillhead are going to be up for a laugh. Anyone known where we can get some acid ? Oh, cool, in the water. 34 blokes trapped underground tripped off their heads, hey, that'll teach them to make me send sandiwiches down every day for six months. Can we send spiders down this tube as well ? What do you mean, Vanessa Feltz is slimming because she has never seen a better opportunity ?
  8. Lots of Smarties. But only one orange one. And marmite, lots of. If nothing else, it'll be a lubricant. And vitamins. For the survivors.
  9. How do you take whatever you're on; do you drink it, smoke it, snort it, inject it, or take it in suppository form?
  10. Most of those, but it depends how I feel. I have one of those dinky Italian coffee-makers and I like sticking magic mushrooms in the water, and sieving the bumjuice that results from whiskey, beer, and red wine through a sock into the dogends from my ashtray, which I then stick in the top bit. Voiala ! Brekkers, and another bizarre post. That's how, try. It's easy and fun !!!!
  11. Look, Sod the balcony, I was the man they kicked out of the back door before the shooting started. I still wonder why.....
  12. If I was trapped down a mineshaft, I'd be sorted because my dog would raise the alarm within seconds and would send a helicopter, a neck brace and 2 pints of blood. How on earth that would get me out I have no idea, but he'd still do it and be jolly noisy about it. He thinks he's Skippy the Bush Kangaroo if I am away for more then a minute.
  13. Woof woof "Whats that you say pip? snails stuck down a big hole" woof woof " sorry now I get it shes not stuck down a big hole...................."
  14. And the answer would be "who the fuck are you calling a COMO?"
  15. "'Como'? PUTA!"