It was with great pleasure during work yesterday that I planned and prpared for what was to be an epic of all efforts. Trap 3, the warmest and best lit, allowing for indulging in reading the papers, was the target for the assault. Preparations came slowly through the morning but by about 1400 the pressure was reaching a level that needed sorting. B**tard of a boss then dragged me in to a meeting, with coffee I might add, and the pressure grew. The meeting went on and on, the pressure grew and grew. Once clear of the meeting the urge was upon me and relief was needed imminently, so much so that the dash for the trap saw turtles head approach and no time to gather the newspaper. Through the door, bolt trap door, drop trousers and trollies, swing and dump. By Christ it was almost orgasmic, the type of dump that stays in the mind, One that you are so pleased with you want to tell all about it, much to the displeasure of my civvy colleagues here. But now the crime - disaster strikes, the legs are numb and its time to move. Look right and reach for paper, Oh F**k. There is none. Now the moral dilema: Do I 1. Duck walk in a hopefully quiet moment with trousers rund the ankles to another trap to wipe the old arrse or 2. Trollies and trousers up, risking skid marks Heathrow would be proud of to achieve the same affect? In both cases the cleaners are in line for a shooting for failing so criminally to ensure suitable quantities of comfy bum but still what do you do? Poor cleaner was left with the appropriate present as a result, still there last night when the cleaners arrived, head above water watching and waiting for the next victime to arrive. Please help, what is the best trap etiquette for this type of situation?