Translation required

I just read this on 0A's Facebook wall. It's possible that some form of English may be involved...

ahhh Lxxxxx how luvely is that ure 1 of my surrogate mums and u allways know how 2 cheer me up!! no end uve bn a massive support 2 me aswell as my other m8s think if i didnt have u all i wud nvr of got out of this rutt jst knowing my m8s r there and allways have bn is a huge and important thing 2 me, more than life itself!! ive bn through the ringer with 1 thing and another tried 2 hide it as well as possible, but had 2 get 2 that breaking point 2 fight 4 so long and then 2 really fight!! made me more confident and feel even more stronger now, im really happy at last without those tears ahaha i only drank so much coz i was miserable, unhappy and miss my mum which i still do, the stress which made me want 2 drink was jst getting outta control and literally nearly killed me!!! which is scary!! im not ashamed 2 admit it, and finally got the help i needed which has made me realise what ive got, jst had 2 change back in2 the old me again when i luved everything abt life!! and Exxxx seems much happier even though shes a happy kid!! so im still studying coz i have even more experience now, cant wait 2 help people like me!! i got a 2nd chance and i know so other people shud 2 hey! and mirror image then missus ure everything what u said abt me, so nvr forget that dont know how i wud of coped 2 b honest without u and all my fab m8s u all got me through it!! im glad ure proud still nutty me though aha luv u missus and cant wait 2 c ya even bigger smiles now xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
L

lumpy2

Guest
I would suggest having a serious cull of your list of associates on facebook!

Edit: but I may be wrong, what's 0A?
 

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
I just read this on 0A's Facebook wall. It's possible that some form of English may be involved...

ahhh Lxxxxx how luvely is that ure 1 of my surrogate mums and u allways know how 2 cheer me up!! no end uve bn a massive support 2 me aswell as my other m8s think if i didnt have u all i wud nvr of got out of this rutt jst knowing my m8s r there and allways have bn is a huge and important thing 2 me, more than life itself!! ive bn through the ringer with 1 thing and another tried 2 hide it as well as possible, but had 2 get 2 that breaking point 2 fight 4 so long and then 2 really fight!! made me more confident and feel even more stronger now, im really happy at last without those tears ahaha i only drank so much coz i was miserable, unhappy and miss my mum which i still do, the stress which made me want 2 drink was jst getting outta control and literally nearly killed me!!! which is scary!! im not ashamed 2 admit it, and finally got the help i needed which has made me realise what ive got, jst had 2 change back in2 the old me again when i luved everything abt life!! and Exxxx seems much happier even though shes a happy kid!! so im still studying coz i have even more experience now, cant wait 2 help people like me!! i got a 2nd chance and i know so other people shud 2 hey! and mirror image then missus ure everything what u said abt me, so nvr forget that dont know how i wud of coped 2 b honest without u and all my fab m8s u all got me through it!! im glad ure proud still nutty me though aha luv u missus and cant wait 2 c ya even bigger smiles now xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Allow me.

You're my f&cking best mate you are, my f&cking bezzer. I've had a smashing lunch at the pub with the lads and we had beer - lots of it.

Then more beer.

Then I shat my pants

I think that's the jist of it.
 

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
You were supposed to translate the original, not substitute one of your own posts.

Going to the pub would involve getting dressed.

Which is not going to happen.
 
I just read this on 0A's Facebook wall. It's possible that some form of English may be involved...

ahhh Lxxxxx how luvely is that ure 1 of my surrogate mums and u allways know how 2 cheer me up!! no end uve bn a massive support 2 me aswell as my other m8s think if i didnt have u all i wud nvr of got out of this rutt jst knowing my m8s r there and allways have bn is a huge and important thing 2 me, more than life itself!! ive bn through the ringer with 1 thing and another tried 2 hide it as well as possible, but had 2 get 2 that breaking point 2 fight 4 so long and then 2 really fight!! made me more confident and feel even more stronger now, im really happy at last without those tears ahaha i only drank so much coz i was miserable, unhappy and miss my mum which i still do, the stress which made me want 2 drink was jst getting outta control and literally nearly killed me!!! which is scary!! im not ashamed 2 admit it, and finally got the help i needed which has made me realise what ive got, jst had 2 change back in2 the old me again when i luved everything abt life!! and Exxxx seems much happier even though shes a happy kid!! so im still studying coz i have even more experience now, cant wait 2 help people like me!! i got a 2nd chance and i know so other people shud 2 hey! and mirror image then missus ure everything what u said abt me, so nvr forget that dont know how i wud of coped 2 b honest without u and all my fab m8s u all got me through it!! im glad ure proud still nutty me though aha luv u missus and cant wait 2 c ya even bigger smiles now xxxxxxxxxxxxx

see this is how facebook is destroying humanity when its out there in black and white its hard not to read it all and then wish you had bottle with which to smash in the authors face at least in real life by about the 5th word you would know what shite was coming and either just walked away, or kicked the person square in the scrotum.
 
I just read this on 0A's Facebook wall. It's possible that some form of English may be involved...

The facebook item posted above by s_n_l_r is in fact derived from an ancient Mongolian market traders type of 'back slang'. It is quite difficult to translate into English but it roughly says,
"I am an utter ****. One of life's most spectacular failures. Does anyone have a wood chipper that I may borrow for a few minutes please?"
 
see this is how facebook is destroying humanity when its out there in black and white its hard not to read it all and then wish you had bottle with which to smash in the authors face at least in real life by about the 5th word you would know what shite was coming and either just walked away, or kicked the person square in the scrotum.

'kin 'ell, you can talk. Two items of punctuation and only one of them in the right place. Do you talk without breathing?
 

The_Snail

ADC
RIP
'kin 'ell, you can talk. Two items of punctuation and only one of them in the right place. Do you talk without breathing?

Mebbe he breathes through his ears.

In which case, he can have my phone number.
 
'kin 'ell, you can talk. Two items of punctuation and only one of them in the right place. Do you talk without breathing?

As a matter of fact I do, I was taught how to by Buddhist monks way up in the foothills of Everest while seeking perfect enlightenment and after many years of hard work I finally achieve a state of being higher above anything else here on earth and that is why I don't give a flying **** about your opinions
 
Underst& th@ u should . B4 u in10d 2 ex£ NE other ,,s on Rs thru ur ph1
 
I just read this on 0A's Facebook wall. It's possible that some form of English may be involved...

ahhh Lxxxxx how luvely is that ure 1 of my surrogate mums and u allways know how 2 cheer me up!! no end uve bn a massive support 2 me aswell as my other m8s think if i didnt have u all i wud nvr of got out of this rutt jst knowing my m8s r there and allways have bn is a huge and important thing 2 me, more than life itself!! ive bn through the ringer with 1 thing and another tried 2 hide it as well as possible, but had 2 get 2 that breaking point 2 fight 4 so long and then 2 really fight!! made me more confident and feel even more stronger now, im really happy at last without those tears ahaha i only drank so much coz i was miserable, unhappy and miss my mum which i still do, the stress which made me want 2 drink was jst getting outta control and literally nearly killed me!!! which is scary!! im not ashamed 2 admit it, and finally got the help i needed which has made me realise what ive got, jst had 2 change back in2 the old me again when i luved everything abt life!! and Exxxx seems much happier even though shes a happy kid!! so im still studying coz i have even more experience now, cant wait 2 help people like me!! i got a 2nd chance and i know so other people shud 2 hey! and mirror image then missus ure everything what u said abt me, so nvr forget that dont know how i wud of coped 2 b honest without u and all my fab m8s u all got me through it!! im glad ure proud still nutty me though aha luv u missus and cant wait 2 c ya even bigger smiles now xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's ******* simple, you illiterate ****!
 
What's worse is that I started working in an office with relatively young lasses this week - one is still an undergrad. Despite supposedly reading "Creative Writing" she has to use the word "like" at least once in every sentence - generally where you would punctuate when writing.

Although he/she was before my time here, this horrid slang could be named after a certain ARRSE c/s. I nominate [nomin8] "Westpointese" for overuse of "like".
 

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