Traffic Wardens: When They're Worth It.

NSP

LE
Searched for "traffic wardens;" got no specific threads.

So, folks; traffic wardens (or "council parking enforcement officers" or whatever nonsense they're called these days). Everyone's hate figure, after estate agents. But, do they actually sometimes serve the public good?

Today I was obliged to venture into my local (rural) town and, on walking back to my legally-parked conveyance, I observed a TW eyeing up a clearly inappropriately-parked vehicle. It was one of those people carrier monstrosities, on a double-yellow, a Smart Car's length from a traffic island, and across a dropped curb. It also, I discovered, had a blue badge - which a lot of people clearly think is a licence to dump their motor where they like and **** it if it causes gridlock. Where this one was parked it was already starting to cause a backlog as about fifteen metres back from the traffic island was a mini-roundabout.

It went thus:-

Me (jocularly, looking for an "in" to take the piss): "Hey-up. When you've ticketed him for parking on the yellows write him out another one for parking like a knob."

TW: "Actually, sir, I'm about to issue him one for obstructing the dropped kerb. Ironic as he's got a blue badge..."

Me (realising this obese jobsworth might actually be worth the money): Oh, aye. Well... Erm... Yeah - he's caused a back-up into the roundabout, look. Er, yeah - good job, mate."

TW: "Thank you, sir. Unfortunately I can't also write him up for obstructing the traffic as he presents no impediment to a blue light response."

Me: "Really? But a police Astra or an ambulance would be wedged in he queue, what with the bus station emptying out into oncoming traffic."

TW: "Yes, sir. But we have to take the best case when making an assessment and a fire engine could easily ram this out of the way."

Me (in my head): "Cool!! Let's 'phone 999 and say there's a fire in Halfords!"

TW: "Rest assured, sir; I'll have him before rush hour kicks off, blue badge or not. I reckon I know where he is, so I'll be away in there when I've stuck these on his windscreen to ask after him and drag him out to move it, pronto."

I got bored at this point and buggered off back to my motor.

But, for a change from negativity, has anyone else come across a TW who was actually doing someone where it was clearly a sensible, justifiable and correct thing and not just a jobsworth effort to hit a quota?

Dits in your own time, preferably told in an amusing style...
 

Ciggie

GCM
NO! But, there was one TW in TQ who was such a fat waddling lump of lard I thought about making my own stick-on tickets to slap on his back for obstructing the fecking pavement...
 
As a callow youth in ATC, we'd often get dicked for car parking duty at local fairs and stuff, and it left me with a better understanding of the mindset of some of the more balloon-headed motorists.

It usually involved explaining to various cretins that no, they can't all park near the entrance to the field designated for parking, otherwise no other bastard will be able get in.

Also, no sir, there is no shade in which you can leave your car with your dog in it on this hot day. That tree, you say? Well it's unlikely to make much difference, and there won't be much shade under it in an hour.

It's the twattish behaviour of many motorists that makes TWs a necessity. Remember what happened in Aberystwyth when they did away with them? Mechanised anarchy broke out, that's what.
 

NSP

LE
As a callow youth in ATC, we'd often get dicked for car parking duty at local fairs and stuff, and it left me with a better understanding of the mindset of some of the more balloon-headed motorists.

It usually involved explaining to various cretins that no, they can't all park near the entrance to the field designated for parking, otherwise no other bastard will be able get in.

Also, no sir, there is no shade in which you can leave your car with your dog in it on this hot day. That tree, you say? Well it's unlikely to make much difference, and there won't be much shade under it in an hour.

It's the twattish behaviour of many motorists that makes TWs a necessity. Remember what happened in Aberystwyth when they did away with them? Mechanised anarchy broke out, that's what.
It's the twattish behaviour of many motorists that caused my BP to be through the roof last Thursday.
 

NSP

LE
NO! But, there was one TW in TQ who was such a fat waddling lump of lard I thought about making my own stick-on tickets to slap on his back for obstructing the fecking pavement...
We had an ex-trawlerman processor who was so proud of his fishing days that he stuck a photo of his trawler, high and dry on a sandbar, up on the wall. Someone who shall remain nameless (yeah, you got me; me) CAD'ed up a facsimile FPN envelope front (we didn't have internet back then) and colour-printed it out then Pritt Stick'd it across the corner of his precious pic. You had to be there...
 
It's the twattish behaviour of many motorists that makes TWs a necessity. Remember what happened in Aberystwyth when they did away with them? Mechanised anarchy broke out, that's what.

Or Y Graig running out of dope?*

*Allegedly
 
Searched for "traffic wardens;" got no specific threads.

So, folks; traffic wardens (or "council parking enforcement officers" or whatever nonsense they're called these days). Everyone's hate figure, after estate agents. But, do they actually sometimes serve the public good?

Today I was obliged to venture into my local (rural) town and, on walking back to my legally-parked conveyance, I observed a TW eyeing up a clearly inappropriately-parked vehicle. It was one of those people carrier monstrosities, on a double-yellow, a Smart Car's length from a traffic island, and across a dropped curb. It also, I discovered, had a blue badge - which a lot of people clearly think is a licence to dump their motor where they like and **** it if it causes gridlock. Where this one was parked it was already starting to cause a backlog as about fifteen metres back from the traffic island was a mini-roundabout.

It went thus:-

Me (jocularly, looking for an "in" to take the piss): "Hey-up. When you've ticketed him for parking on the yellows write him out another one for parking like a knob."

TW: "Actually, sir, I'm about to issue him one for obstructing the dropped kerb. Ironic as he's got a blue badge..."

Me (realising this obese jobsworth might actually be worth the money): Oh, aye. Well... Erm... Yeah - he's caused a back-up into the roundabout, look. Er, yeah - good job, mate."

TW: "Thank you, sir. Unfortunately I can't also write him up for obstructing the traffic as he presents no impediment to a blue light response."

Me: "Really? But a police Astra or an ambulance would be wedged in he queue, what with the bus station emptying out into oncoming traffic."

TW: "Yes, sir. But we have to take the best case when making an assessment and a fire engine could easily ram this out of the way."

Me (in my head): "Cool!! Let's 'phone 999 and say there's a fire in Halfords!"

TW: "Rest assured, sir; I'll have him before rush hour kicks off, blue badge or not. I reckon I know where he is, so I'll be away in there when I've stuck these on his windscreen to ask after him and drag him out to move it, pronto."

I got bored at this point and buggered off back to my motor.

But, for a change from negativity, has anyone else come across a TW who was actually doing someone where it was clearly a sensible, justifiable and correct thing and not just a jobsworth effort to hit a quota?

Dits in your own time, preferably told in an amusing style...
I saw somebody getting a ticket once... it was so exciting I almost parked like a cünt to get one for myself.

Christ... a bit of shore leave and you are getting all excited at a bit of dodgy parking. Parking enforcement corporals do a job... who cares how they do it as long they are doing it to somebody else.
 
TW: "Yes, sir. But we have to take the best case when making an assessment and a fire engine could easily ram this out of the way."

Me (in my head): "Cool!! Let's 'phone 999 and say there's a fire in Halfords!"
Very few of the muttonheads have worked out that the reason for 'don't even think about parking here' red paint on the road is because red is the colour of.... fire engines!
 
Some do a good job

D4EE6F14-2FDC-4EE8-9158-D0739C0E4120.jpeg
 

Slime

LE
The moral of the story here is don't abuse the blue badge parking rules.
From my experience of drivng mini buses for blue badge passengers or knowing blue badge holders I've found hat if a car parks sensibly most enforcement officers or police lose all sense of time and allow cars to park well over the three hour limit. Blocking a dropped kerb is stupid and deserves a ticket!

As for Dits, for a while I did some event management and never found an issue with parking vans on double yellow lines etc.
Giving the police or enforcement officers a box of whatever the 'event' was promoting meant the van was ignored.
A favourite story was from a pair of event managers who always worked together. They had a luton van that was grossly overloaded and were pulled by traffic cops and taken to a weighbridge.
Were they fined?, no but it did just happen that enough police vehicles appeared at the weighbridge and lightened the vans load by transfering the goods to the boots of the police vehicles!
After the vans weight had been lightened everyone went on their way with a smile :)
 
As a Council officer in a past life, I helped set up the first ever parking enforcement contract in Hillingdon when responsibility for the activity was passed to local authorities from the Police authorities many years ago now.

Previously, there used to be a minibus roaming around the western half of London with half a dozen wardens in it and your chances of getting ticketed were virtually nil unless you unlawfully parked on the one day in the year when they chanced upon that particular street.

It was a shock for residents when after the transfer of the powers, we were immediately up and running with a team of thirty plus enforcement officers all duly trained and empowered from day one just in our single borough. The chances of getting a ticket went up from virtually nil to almost guaranteed if you parked unlawfully anywhere in the borough.

And of course, every other London borough was the same. Parking enforcement is a huge cash cow for local authorities. It used to be that collected fines were ring fenced to highways works. I don't know if that still holds true but the government must have saved billions by not having to pay for those works from exchequer coffers.

I also picked up a few useful tips for parking legally in Uxbridge which is the main shopping centre in Hillingdon. There is a private road behind the Civic Centre which is owned by the Council. It's double yellow lined but because it's privately owned and not public highway, you can't be ticketed there. I used to park there when I went shopping.

The best one though is where I actually live. We have parking problems because there are so many car owners on the estate that parking demand exceeds provision most evenings. On my part of the road, there is a rectangular section of grass and myself and my neighbours are often forced to park on the grass. The enforcement officers got wind of easy pickings and started touring around our estate most evenings before knocking off work to earn a little bonus at the end of the day.

We got a petition up asking for additional parking measures to be put in place. The Council told us there was no money available and there was a complication because the ground wasn't part of the public highway and was owned by the housing department.

Music to my ears!

I was being pursued by bailiffs for £800 plus for a ticket I had gotten for parking on the grass in front of my house when there wasn't any parking available on the road. I have arthritis in my legs so parking elsewhere and walking home wasn't an option for me. I wrote to the Council informing them that they had no legal powers to issue tickets to cars parked on that area and the tickets were thus issued unlawfully.

They wrote back saying pay up in full. I then wrote again saying I was going to make an application to the local government ombudsman that they had acted unlawfully and that I wanted a declaration that the Council were guilty of maladministration thus opening the way up to apply for compensation etc.

They wrote back saying they were awfully sorry and I was right. They were tearing up the ticket and calling the bailiffs off. Myself and my neighbours were very happy. They still won't find the money though to put in more parking so we don't have to park on the grass.
 

Boris_Johnson

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
I got one once for parking in Reading.

There were two multi-space parking bays next to each other, the one towards the back Permit Holders Only, the one to the front 2 Hours Free Parking, no return within blah blah...

The problem was the car I had parked behind had left half a car's space in front, meaning my rear end was ever so slightly over the dividing line between the two bays... however... the sign saying 2 hours free was directly in the middle of my car.

Surely enough, the traffic warden had stuck a ticket on my screen and in the photographs that followed, he'd taken pictures from a misleading angle making it look like I'd parked behind the sign. Luckily I'd done exactly the same from the other side of the vehicle, making it look like I'd parked in front of it.

Furthermore, the bays were incorrectly marked. For multi-car bays - if the bays are marked individually the bay limits must be terminated with double dashed lines at each end. Similarly, if the bays are not individually marked, the limits of the bays are to be marked with a single dashed line in accordance with the TRSDG 2002 regulations.

The bay I had parked in was not marked individually, but terminated with double lines. They tried to argue the second line had been covered over with tarmac, but according to the pictures I took, this clearly wasn't the case.

It went all the way to the independent adjudicator at which point Reading Borough Council chose not to represent, meaning I won by default - but the main reason they didn't was because they knew they were in the wrong and that little spot in particular had been netting them (RBC) a tidy £70 a pop each time someone got "caught out" there and the last thing they needed was the floodgates opening for rebates over unfair / unjust / unwarranted fines.

Then again, they probably didn't expect to come up against such a meticulous, thrifty, tight-arsed and thorough **** of the highest order.
 

Slime

LE

That reminds me of a car I saw upside down just outside of cheddar.
There was no mobile phone signal where the car was so I drove into Cheddar itself to report it to the police.
They asked the make and colour and I gave them the details, I was then asked the reg number. I pointed out that I didnt know the reg number but the fact the car was upside down in the middle of the road might be a clue as to which is the correct car when they try to find it ;)
 

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