Towel Shananigans

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ArmySurplusSpecial, Jan 23, 2006.

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  1. I need to establish if other Arrse users have this problem or it's just me..........

    I spend a lot of my life in Hotels and as most Arrser's will know, most hotel linen and in particular Towels are white.

    Can anybody tell me, after spending 20 minutes in the shower scrubbing away, and in particular my attention to detail to the nether region and undercarriage is second to none....

    why oh why, when i get out the shower and do the merry dance as i'm drying myself off do i look at the towel and there's a skid mark the size of the M1 on it??

    FFS i've just scrubbed and lathered myself spotless, yet there it is, and this happens on many occasions.

    Is there a Poo fairy? She comes along and infests your clinkers just before u run the towel through?

    I need advice, the maid is looking at me funny now and i fear i may be ejected out the hotel.....................
  2. It's your piles mate
  3. Maybe because she forget to change the towels in your room after the hotel was block booked by a Turkish rugby team?
  4. Sound like Chalfonts. Whats yer gusset like??
  5. You are a manky minger and have obviously NOT washed properly, you need to buy babywipes and take a couple into the shower with you and use them to wash your ARRSE with more care, you repulsive filthy b*gger!

    Bend over and wash your ARRSE! Grab hold of the man pickle and pretend you're in the shower with one of your boyfriends and he's coming at you and just do the double rub down!

    Poor maid, I hope she puts your towels in a pile outside your door, sh*t smear face up for all the other guests to see!

    Beebs x

    PS OR forget all of the above, smear away and on your last day, neatly fold the towel and place on the side hoping the maid will leave it for the next guest! :D
  6. I think your just being a bit too enthusiastic mate. In your attempts to clean your hoop thoroughly, your actually getting a bit of your towel actually up your khyber.

    Whether this is queqqetry or an oversight is entirely dependent on the shape of the towel when it's going in. If you are fashioning it into a rudimentary Suzanne Dildo before drying, then it's next stop Manchester Mardi Gras for you.
  7. You've been had, but not in that way. It's a hotel trick. They supply "pre-skidded" towels to certain rooms.
  8. Fang_Farrier

    Fang_Farrier LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    towel roulette.

    One towel per hotel everyday is skid marked.

    If you're the winner you should present it to the front desk to claim your prize!
  9. On a work jolly, I ended up staying in one of those travel inn places. Jumped in the shower, washed my hair and lobbed the towel onto the rail next to the shower.

    Got out of the shower and started to admire myself in the mirror. Only to see sh1t loads of blood encrusted round my nose.

    I'd had a nose bleed in the shower and not noticed. The towel was cacked in Blood.

    I hope they threw that one away.
  10. I think convoy may be right, it sounds like over zealous wiping to me.
    When you are drying your sphinny jones, do you do the normal rub the towel between the legs bit, or are you balling the towel around your fist and going wrist deep in some strange act of self deceipt where you convince yourself that your method of 'drying' isn't really a blatant act of tomschvoolery.
    Are you finding that you hoop is a bit stretched these days and is your male life partner having to come in at angle just to get some friction and complaining that it is 'trying to find the walls in a pitch black room'.
    Only joking fella. If you are in a hotel then just walk around in the raw and drip dry. It's better for the environment and if you have to dry off quickly, then just have a milk. It's the human equivalent to a wet dog shaking itself dry. And if you are in a really desperate rush then mark time whilst milking.
  11. Thats why hotels towels are white, so they can wash them in liquid nitrogen to remove all traces of the last users skid marks without fading the colours.
  12. Alternatively, once you have cleaned the 'brown pipe entry' in the shower, before you towel dry, have the maid complete a thorough 'hoop dohbi' on you prior to use of the towel - thus ensuring non-skidded towels................
  13. RTFQ


    I have a similar problem in hotels - Instead of finding random wheelspins on my towels when I shower, I find my boxers and right hand bonded fast to my stomach by (presumably) my man gel when I wake up. Not only that, but someone's often left the porn channel on and the TV remote in my left hand. And the bastar.ds have emptied the mini bar. It's a bugger explaining all that to the concierge, not to mention my girlfriend when she wakes up.