Tourettes!!

#1
Personally Ive never met someone that has bad tourettes...even though i think squaddies are cursed with a mild form of it, but a couple of mates have had me in stitches with stories of lads they knew with the affliction.

Story 1

Kev told me all about a lad in his mob that had a strange case of tourettes. Every now and again he'd suddenly come out with "Tits...arse.....BLUE KNICKERS" This would happen as is the wont of tourettes in the most embarressing of situations.

Story 2

One of the lads on a course I was on told us about a lad in his platoon who's tourettes fired off whenever anyone around him swore, and it would fire off big time with copious amounts of cussin coming from him.
So the lads used to wait until they were on company parade getting inspected then just as their CSM was about to get to the poor fecker with tourettes, the closest man would start whispering swear words, so the poor laddie could hear them.
Of course this resulted in the poor fecker being tick tocked off the square by the platoon sgt to the sound of feck, arrse cnuting feck and so on.
 
#2
Tourettes is a wonderful afflication and one I would wish for given the choice.

I was in Sainsbury's one early Saturday morning, farting up and down the isles as you do, when a brilliant young man walked down behind me saying 'cunt' 'fucking cunt'. At first I thought there was going to be some impromptu milling or perhaps a clubbing with a frozen garlic bagget. Sadly not, he had tourettes. I pulled the trolley over and listened with glee as shocked old ladies moved out of way. Magic. It made my day.
 
#3
Just p!ssed meself. Fcuking good fun if you ask me!

If ever there was a choice about which affliction to have, I'd much rather have got Tourettes than Mlaarrism.
 
#4
I recall a bloke known as "Mad Julian" (a civvy)

Walking along going "Great! Great! Great!" when things were going well alternated with "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" when they weren't.
 
#5
With regards to the various mongs threads around here.

What about a mong with Tourettes???

Is is possible?
 
#6
One of my younger Cadets has mild tourettes that seems to become more noticable when he is nervouse.

We were recently inspected by the mayor of the town where our det is.

Halfway through the parade a rather loud shout of "fcuk off cnut" came whistling through the drill hall followed by the loudest restrained laughter ever as 30 cadets and several adults tried not to sh1t themselves laughing.
 
#8
EX_STAB said:
I recall a bloke known as "Mad Julian" (a civvy)

Walking along going "Great! Great! Great!" when things were going well alternated with "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" when they weren't.
Sounds like Prescott.
 
B

Bottleosmoke

Guest
#9
I was in Tesco's last friday night and hovering around the reduced to clear fridge when a family comprising of mum, dad and 2 teenage sons entered the aisle. Mum was looking at the meat joints. The conversation went along these lines:

Mum: "What shall we have for Sunday lunch?"

No 1 son (at top of voice) "Sh1t on toast!"

Dad: "Simon, Dont be so rude, thats disgusting!"

No 2 son: "Ha ha. Sh1t on toast, sh1t on toast........Simon, Dirty boy. rude cnut! ha ha..................Fecker"

2 sons with tourettes? Some people have no luck.
 
#10
Bravo2nothing said:
Tourettes is a wonderful afflication and one I would wish for given the choice.

I was in Sainsbury's one early Saturday morning, farting up and down the isles as you do, when a brilliant young man walked down behind me saying 'cunt' 'fucking cunt'. At first I thought there was going to be some impromptu milling or perhaps a clubbing with a frozen garlic bagget. Sadly not, he had tourettes. I pulled the trolley over and listened with glee as shocked old ladies moved out of way. Magic. It made my day.
p1ssin meself laughing!!! Just picturing someone getting beat up with frozen garlic bread. Copper comes along and see's body on the floor with said garlic bread protruding from its arrse and innocent looking squaddie saying "He called me cnut officer!!"
 
#12
buggrit said:
Bravo2nothing said:
Tourettes is a wonderful afflication and one I would wish for given the choice.

I was in Sainsbury's one early Saturday morning, farting up and down the isles as you do, when a brilliant young man walked down behind me saying 'cunt' 'fucking cunt'. At first I thought there was going to be some impromptu milling or perhaps a clubbing with a frozen garlic bagget. Sadly not, he had tourettes. I pulled the trolley over and listened with glee as shocked old ladies moved out of way. Magic. It made my day.
p1ssin meself laughing!!! Just picturing someone getting beat up with frozen garlic bread. Copper comes along and see's body on the floor with said garlic bread protruding from its arrse and innocent looking squaddie saying "He called me cnut officer!!"
Adapt and overcome..
 
#13
I recall getting my hair cut in gillingham while i was on my A2 bricky course, a young lad of 4/5 being draged in by his mum snuffling like a pig, and constantly trying to lick stuff in big jerky head movements while muttering to himself constantly...

Now i tried to be an upstanding citizen and feel sorry for the poor little lad, but within minutes the barber was trying to force his ramrod straight body into the chair as this kid alternately barked, whistled, grunted and tried to lick any available surface and I freely admit tears were rolling down my face as I choked back laughter and every time i looked straight ahead, I'd hear another snuffle and rucus as he tried to lick the scissors/clippers/hand of the barber and I'd see the bloke cutting my hair in the same state as me, fucking pissing his pants...

The poor lads mum kept apologising and saying thing like "Darren, stop licking the nice man" and "sit still and stop that noise" which would be greeted by a crescendo of whistles barks and fart noises.....

My hair cut was temporarily abandoned as they had to go "two handed" to sort the little fella out, who by completion of his cut resembled a mills bomb and I'm amazed he still had 2 ears.....

As he was being led out of the shop he tried to lick the chair, both the barbers and another customer sitting by the door who to was vainly trying to hid suppressed hilarity.....

The minute he;d finally gone, everyone in the shop looked at each other and it was like the release on a pressure cooker as we all howled with
f[/b]ucking laughter for a good 5 minutes.... he has ever after been know simply as "the licky boy"
 
#14
I did hear a beauty, Asked one of my blokes if Our Nig had broken a Hydrometer only to be told "The fcukers fcuking fcuked the fcuker"

Lovely
 
#15
I have a mate who now and again suffers from the dreaded Mllaaarrr!!
We were once stood on parade and the Sgt was calling our names. When he called "The Germans" name out he went " Sgt Mllaaarrr!". It was funny as fcuk. We were laughing marching all the way to the block. What a mong!!
 
#17
When i was growing up, a pikey family lived nearby, with a son called Lucky. He was classic tourettes : barking/howling/ smacking his shoulder....we had hours of fun at his expense. I grew up, moved away from the area, and am now back. I was walking into the offy the other month, and there was a god almighty scuffle going on. 2 PC's were wrestling a bald headed oldish looking geezer, and managed to bundle him to the floor. once things had calmed down the old geezer braked/howled/ called evrything that would listen 'cnut, wnaker'. Fcuk me, it was Lucky, still going strong. My kids now have immense pleasure at his expense whenever they see him. You only have to pretend to do a quick draw with him (pull an imaginery revolver from your imaginery holster ) to set him off. He's progressed to spitting on his shoes as he swears.


The offy incident ?.......He held up the offy with his pointy finger in his pocket apparently!
 
#18
That reminds me of our local mlaar. When I was growing up, we had a skinny mllaar living up the road from us. He had a major speech defect on the go and was BIG on weather reports for some reason.

One of his main gigs was to walk along with his eyes doing he swivel thing that they do and every now and then he would look quickly behind him like he was being followed, or better still, he'd do a complete 180. Now this is alright when you are just mlaaring along the pavement, but this cnut used to do it crossing the road. Nuff said, a loud thump, bit of a smash (and a small lick), lots of mllaaarring and a 80/20 split of pedestrians either checking him out to see if he was OK, and the rest quietly laughing their nads off; I was with the 80%.
 
#20
Anyone remember the programme back in the 80's of the Scottish guy who had tourettes? Well, he runs a support group for kids with tourettes now and a couple of years ago he met Prince Charles. Apparently he called him a big eared c**t and asked if Camila was a good ride and did she take it up the arrse. As Prince Charles walked away the guy shouted you have an arrse like a woman you big eared c**t. Classic.
 

Similar threads


Latest Threads

Top