Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by buggrit, Jan 24, 2007.

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  1. Personally Ive never met someone that has bad tourettes...even though i think squaddies are cursed with a mild form of it, but a couple of mates have had me in stitches with stories of lads they knew with the affliction.

    Story 1

    Kev told me all about a lad in his mob that had a strange case of tourettes. Every now and again he'd suddenly come out with "Tits...arse.....BLUE KNICKERS" This would happen as is the wont of tourettes in the most embarressing of situations.

    Story 2

    One of the lads on a course I was on told us about a lad in his platoon who's tourettes fired off whenever anyone around him swore, and it would fire off big time with copious amounts of cussin coming from him.
    So the lads used to wait until they were on company parade getting inspected then just as their CSM was about to get to the poor fecker with tourettes, the closest man would start whispering swear words, so the poor laddie could hear them.
    Of course this resulted in the poor fecker being tick tocked off the square by the platoon sgt to the sound of feck, arrse cnuting feck and so on.
  2. Tourettes is a wonderful afflication and one I would wish for given the choice.

    I was in Sainsbury's one early Saturday morning, farting up and down the isles as you do, when a brilliant young man walked down behind me saying 'cunt' 'fucking cunt'. At first I thought there was going to be some impromptu milling or perhaps a clubbing with a frozen garlic bagget. Sadly not, he had tourettes. I pulled the trolley over and listened with glee as shocked old ladies moved out of way. Magic. It made my day.
  3. Just p!ssed meself. Fcuking good fun if you ask me!

    If ever there was a choice about which affliction to have, I'd much rather have got Tourettes than Mlaarrism.
  4. I recall a bloke known as "Mad Julian" (a civvy)

    Walking along going "Great! Great! Great!" when things were going well alternated with "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" when they weren't.
  5. With regards to the various mongs threads around here.

    What about a mong with Tourettes???

    Is is possible?
  6. One of my younger Cadets has mild tourettes that seems to become more noticable when he is nervouse.

    We were recently inspected by the mayor of the town where our det is.

    Halfway through the parade a rather loud shout of "fcuk off cnut" came whistling through the drill hall followed by the loudest restrained laughter ever as 30 cadets and several adults tried not to sh1t themselves laughing.
  7. Monkey Piss
  8. Sounds like Prescott.
  9. I was in Tesco's last friday night and hovering around the reduced to clear fridge when a family comprising of mum, dad and 2 teenage sons entered the aisle. Mum was looking at the meat joints. The conversation went along these lines:

    Mum: "What shall we have for Sunday lunch?"

    No 1 son (at top of voice) "Sh1t on toast!"

    Dad: "Simon, Dont be so rude, thats disgusting!"

    No 2 son: "Ha ha. Sh1t on toast, sh1t on toast........Simon, Dirty boy. rude cnut! ha ha..................Fecker"

    2 sons with tourettes? Some people have no luck.
  10. p1ssin meself laughing!!! Just picturing someone getting beat up with frozen garlic bread. Copper comes along and see's body on the floor with said garlic bread protruding from its arrse and innocent looking squaddie saying "He called me cnut officer!!"
  11. A spacker with tourettes trying to juggle... i'd give a bollock to see that.
  12. Adapt and overcome..
  13. I recall getting my hair cut in gillingham while i was on my A2 bricky course, a young lad of 4/5 being draged in by his mum snuffling like a pig, and constantly trying to lick stuff in big jerky head movements while muttering to himself constantly...

    Now i tried to be an upstanding citizen and feel sorry for the poor little lad, but within minutes the barber was trying to force his ramrod straight body into the chair as this kid alternately barked, whistled, grunted and tried to lick any available surface and I freely admit tears were rolling down my face as I choked back laughter and every time i looked straight ahead, I'd hear another snuffle and rucus as he tried to lick the scissors/clippers/hand of the barber and I'd see the bloke cutting my hair in the same state as me, fucking pissing his pants...

    The poor lads mum kept apologising and saying thing like "Darren, stop licking the nice man" and "sit still and stop that noise" which would be greeted by a crescendo of whistles barks and fart noises.....

    My hair cut was temporarily abandoned as they had to go "two handed" to sort the little fella out, who by completion of his cut resembled a mills bomb and I'm amazed he still had 2 ears.....

    As he was being led out of the shop he tried to lick the chair, both the barbers and another customer sitting by the door who to was vainly trying to hid suppressed hilarity.....

    The minute he;d finally gone, everyone in the shop looked at each other and it was like the release on a pressure cooker as we all howled with
    f[/b]ucking laughter for a good 5 minutes.... he has ever after been know simply as "the licky boy"
  14. I did hear a beauty, Asked one of my blokes if Our Nig had broken a Hydrometer only to be told "The fcukers fcuking fcuked the fcuker"

  15. I have a mate who now and again suffers from the dreaded Mllaaarrr!!
    We were once stood on parade and the Sgt was calling our names. When he called "The Germans" name out he went " Sgt Mllaaarrr!". It was funny as fcuk. We were laughing marching all the way to the block. What a mong!!