Top Turds

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by CQMS, Aug 26, 2012.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Some peasant has allowed his dog to shit on the path to my house,

    Is it possible to determine the nature of dog from its rectal emission? I have my suspicions but before I start a shit war need to know i've got the right target (or nearly right). Can anyone recommend a good dog poison?

    Attached Files:

  2. I'd try to dognap it if I were you. It appears to shit 50 pence pieces!

    • Like Like x 7
  3. Kill the owner not the dog. Then feed the remains to the dog then get the dog to shit on the widows lawn.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Smear it onto the handles of the owners car when you find out who's doing it.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. I read something about services in the US that'll ID a the guilty canine via its DNA.
  6. That looks like Fox crap.

    However why not spear the turd with that leylandii tree branch and use it like an RSM thrusting a pace stick in the face of any potential dog (or fox) walking perpetrators within a 300 metre raduius of your house whilst shouting 'Was it you? You 'orrible little man"

  7. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    Judging by the little crimp on the end it is fox turds. Dogs don't twist them off at the end like a toffee wrapper.
  8. The turd on the left is from a Staffordshire Bull terrier, the turd on the right is from it's chav owner. Don't ask me how I know this just believe me when I say I do. Actually on second thoughts feel free to ask me... I like to share my wealth of knowledge on this particular subject from time to time.
  9. Thats a fox shite there mucker. You could try sitting up all night with a .22 gat and stinging it's arrse or try catching said beast and buggering it to kingdom come. Either way it's a win win objective.
  10. You should buy a broom first and sweep your path or reprimand your kids for not doing areas properly. My wifes a salad your in your own court with a ball now using somebody else's time.
  11. Keep quiet and use that electrical cable to run an illegal feed to your garage
  12. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    It doesn't look fibrous enough for fox cack

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9780 using Tapatalk
  13. Got the same problem, gonna figure out whose it is and dump it back on their doorstep. It might be enough of a hint to police up their dogs crap. Yeah I've got time on my hands.
  14. Every morning, a German Shepherd craps on my lawn. I would shout and throw stones.

    But he has a big dog with him.

    • Like Like x 4
  15. Turd #1 on the left looks a bit foxy, fibrous long and crimped. It's turd #2 that's the problem, unformed and sloppy. could it have come out of the arse of a juvenile dog attracted to turd #1. The dog I suspect is a juvenile.