Top Turds

#1
Some peasant has allowed his dog to shit on the path to my house,



Is it possible to determine the nature of dog from its rectal emission? I have my suspicions but before I start a shit war need to know i've got the right target (or nearly right). Can anyone recommend a good dog poison?
 

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#3
Some peasant has allowed his dog to shit on the path to my house,



Is it possible to determine the nature of dog from its rectal emission? I have my suspicions but before I start a shit war need to know i've got the right target (or nearly right). Can anyone recommend a good dog poison?
Kill the owner not the dog. Then feed the remains to the dog then get the dog to shit on the widows lawn.
 
#6
That looks like Fox crap.

However why not spear the turd with that leylandii tree branch and use it like an RSM thrusting a pace stick in the face of any potential dog (or fox) walking perpetrators within a 300 metre raduius of your house whilst shouting 'Was it you? You 'orrible little man"

 
#8
The turd on the left is from a Staffordshire Bull terrier, the turd on the right is from it's chav owner. Don't ask me how I know this just believe me when I say I do. Actually on second thoughts feel free to ask me... I like to share my wealth of knowledge on this particular subject from time to time.
 
#9
Thats a fox shite there mucker. You could try sitting up all night with a .22 gat and stinging it's arrse or try catching said beast and buggering it to kingdom come. Either way it's a win win objective.
 
E

exmunkey

Guest
#13
Got the same problem, gonna figure out whose it is and dump it back on their doorstep. It might be enough of a hint to police up their dogs crap. Yeah I've got time on my hands.
 
#15
It doesn't look fibrous enough for fox cack

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Turd #1 on the left looks a bit foxy, fibrous long and crimped. It's turd #2 that's the problem, unformed and sloppy. could it have come out of the arse of a juvenile dog attracted to turd #1. The dog I suspect is a juvenile.
 
#16
You should buy a broom first and sweep your path or reprimand your kids for not doing areas properly. My wifes a salad your in your own court with a ball now using somebody else's time.
Did you honestly think prior to putting words on the interweb via a nitromors addled mind? I had a nice Sunday social but fuck me, Wilkos must have a fridge for pain stripper these days.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#17
Turd #1 on the left looks a bit foxy, fibrous long and crimped. It's turd #2 that's the problem, unformed and sloppy. could it have come out of the arse of a juvenile dog attracted to turd #1. The dog I suspect is a juvenile.
Poke the suspect fox turd with a stick, foxes have poor digestive systems and thet eat everything wrapper included unlike dog poo which is shit

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#18
I've had a bit of a poke with it and it seems quite "turdy" fibrous and well packed, it snapped in half easily and there's no evidence of anything other than food. No strong smell as I would expect from a fox.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#19
Sometimes if its dog it will contain undigested grass which people mistake for fibrous. My dogs current diet produces cylinders of firm poo unless they have been on grass then we get a pointy plop. The cheaper and rubbisher the food (often goes together but not always) the runnier and stinkier the turds are!

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#20
I still think I'm dealing with two animals, both arrived overnight after 00:30 or I'd have trodden in them on the way home from the pub, they are too different to have come out of the same arse. Does the juvenile getting excited on finding the first poo and dropping next to it sound likely?
 

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