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Top Tips

Two of mine are:

To find out how many lives a cat has left, hit it repeatly with a 4lb lump hammer. The number of hits required to bring about the cats demise will correspond precisely with the number of lives the cat had remaining.

When being chased by a police alsatian - avoid crawling under tarpaullins, climbing step ladders and jumping through hoops of fire as police dogs are specially trained in such matters.

Any other tips you could share with membership?
No matter how hot she might be, you must remember that you are pi$$ed, and that the adams apple on her can only mean one thing... so you stay away.

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