Top Tips

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by diehard57, Sep 21, 2006.

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  1. Two of mine are:

    To find out how many lives a cat has left, hit it repeatly with a 4lb lump hammer. The number of hits required to bring about the cats demise will correspond precisely with the number of lives the cat had remaining.

    When being chased by a police alsatian - avoid crawling under tarpaullins, climbing step ladders and jumping through hoops of fire as police dogs are specially trained in such matters.

    Any other tips you could share with membership?
  2. You need to get out more.
  3. No stay in more thats some funny siht!!

  4. steal them from Viz
  5. If you wait until the last minute to do something.
    It only takes a minute to do.
  6. Never wipe your arrse with a broken bottle :omfg:
  7. When you're pi$$ed at a BBQ and call your equally pi$$ed SSM cnutie chops, he WILL remember even if you don't!
  8. dont eat yellow snow.
  9. No matter how hot she might be, you must remember that you are pi$$ed, and that the adams apple on her can only mean one thing... so you stay away.
  10. Don't whistle with a mouth full of custard.......
  11. Clothes don't make the man, but being naked will get you arrested.
  12. Don't be tricked into buying something because its 50% off. If you don't buy it at all, it will be 100% off.
  13. The harder you try in a relationship, the quicker it will fall apart.
  14. If you break your mates Laptop don't b1tch about it buy him a brand NEW one

    If you felt a lump it wasn't a fart
  15. there is a type of hammer to fix just about anything