Top Tips

#1
Two of mine are:

To find out how many lives a cat has left, hit it repeatly with a 4lb lump hammer. The number of hits required to bring about the cats demise will correspond precisely with the number of lives the cat had remaining.


When being chased by a police alsatian - avoid crawling under tarpaullins, climbing step ladders and jumping through hoops of fire as police dogs are specially trained in such matters.


Any other tips you could share with membership?
 
#5
If you wait until the last minute to do something.
It only takes a minute to do.
 
#9
No matter how hot she might be, you must remember that you are pi$$ed, and that the adams apple on her can only mean one thing... so you stay away.
 
#18
Dog owners: next time your dog does a 'Soft one' on the beach, annoy metal detector owners by dropping nuts and bolts into it and covering it with sand. :twisted:
 
#19
#20
Don't invite drug addicts round for a meal on Boxing Day. :hungry: :santa:

They may find the offer of 'Cold turkey' embarrassing or offensive. :rofl:
 
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