1. Alcoholic beverages not allowed. 2. Winking at the nurses does not make you look "cute." As a matter of fact, you come off looking like a creep. 3. Amy Winehouse is not expected here anytime soon. 4. "Hey Placebo, how much did you have to drink today?" 5. Being forced to relax your arrsehole because some stupid nurse thinks you are up to no good. 6. Being proved to be up to no good by said nurse. 7. Being told by a 60 year old woman that wanking off is actually good for the heart and stamina. ""How do you think I maintain my smooth skin? You have to use the tips of your fingers." Eeeww! 8. Fantasizing about bedding said woman. 9. Actually bedding aforementioned 60 year old woman day after leaving rehab. 10. Confessing to said woman: "that was the best sex I ever had."