Top Ten Lists

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by YANK60, Apr 9, 2005.

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  1. These are from Letterman's Top Ten archives. You guys should love these.

    May 15, 1995:

    Top Ten British Nicknames for Americans

    10. Star Spangled Ninnies
    —Postman Paul Davidson

    9. Kmart Cowboys
    —Chauffeur Daniel McCool

    8. Ameridorks
    —Nurse Helen Shaw

    7. Newts
    —Butler Alex Paterson

    6. Velveeta eating hyenas
    —Oxford professor Norman Lawrence

    5. Regis Loving Geeks
    —Fish & Chips shop manager Elizbeth Hannah

    4. Mighty Morphin Pinheads
    —Pub employee Lee Dorrington

    3. Tea dumping psychos
    —British Airways flight attendant Jimmy Clarke

    2. Jerks 90210
    —Barrister Stanley Evans

    1. Gumps
    —Poet Ivor Fishbone

    Nov. 19, 2003:

    Top Ten George W. Bush Complaints About England

    10. "Clocks are five hours fast"

    9. "Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language"

    8. "Harry Potter won't return phone calls"

    7. "So touchy about minor things...like going to war under false pretenses"

    6. "They don't know where Saddam is either"

    5. "Queen Elizabeth not half as funny as 'King of Queens'"

    4. "Disappointed to learn 'Big Ben' is just a giant clock"

    3. "Pack a gum costs 2 pounds -- who carries two pounds of money?!"

    2. "I've been here for 36 hours and Prince Charles hasn't made a single move on me"

    1. "Driving on the left reminds me of my drinking days"

    Top Ten Archives
     
  2. Aug. 15, 1995:

    Top Ten Anna Nicole Smith Dating Tips

    10. Forget the personal ads--try the intensive care unit

    9. Wear something that, even to his failing eyes, will look slutty

    8. Always carry some "mad money" for the paramedics

    7. Make sure the valet parkers understand, if he dies in the restaurant, you get the car

    6. When he wants sex, hide his glasses and put him in bed with a car battery

    5. Remind him, "Hey, when you're 160, I'll be 101"

    4. Prepare candlelit dinner. If he can blow out candle, you don't want him

    3. To convincingly fake excitement during sex, just think about his stock portfolio

    2. Good pick-up line: "Can I pre-chew that for you?"

    1. Three words: "Bring extra plasma"
     
  3. you were wrong we didnt love them at all
     
  4. Then don't read it or respond to it, you rude a**hole.
     
  5. You're in the naafi, what do you expect?

    Dork :D :D :D
     
  6. what happened to septic tanks or wooden planks i think there better and more widely used also why wasnt tw@ts or fcuking pr1cks included in the list :?: :!:
     
  7. My own personal top ten names for Americans:

    1. cnuts
    2. tossers
    3. arrseholes
    4. warmongers
    5. wankers
    6. yellow bellies
    7. red-neck inbreds
    8. incompetant ignoramus'
    9. obese children with a superiority complex
    10. bible bashing members of the God squad

    That should get our friends from over the pond schimfing!
     
  8. When are Americans going to notice that Letterman's top ten lists are not, have never been, nor ever will be funny?

    And guys back in Blighty- you won't believe what those w*nkers have done to The Office. It sucks donkey balls.
     
  9. Letterman funny ? No

    Letterman being electrocuted funny ? Yes

    Anyone notice how Chris "I had Billy Piper before she was legal" Evans TFI friday turned into the EnglishLetterman show