Top Ten Edniburgh Fringe One-Liners

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by JoeCivvie, Aug 23, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:

    1) Tim Vine "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

    (On being told he'd won he said: I'm going to celebrate by going to Sooty's barbecue and having a sweepsteak”)

    2) David Gibson "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

    3) Emo Philips "I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them."

    4) Jack Whitehall "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

    5) Gary Delaney "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

    6) John Bishop "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

    7) Bo Burnham "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

    8 Gary Delaney "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

    9) Robert White "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: Empty."

    10) Gareth Richards "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food. Or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

    BBC News - Fringe's funniest joke prize awarded to Tim Vine
  2. BrunoNoMedals

    BrunoNoMedals LE Reviewer

    Tim Vine is the worst stand-up I've seen in years. All he does is one-liners, so it's no surprise he won. Ten minutes of unstructured, unrelated, Penguin-wrapper jokes. That's not comedy.
  3. No but its funny.............He said, ducking behind the monitor
  4. Bet you piss your pants watching Chubby Brown don't you?
  5. What would be even funnier if they all got run over by the new trams
  6. I thought the new tram line was the best joke in Edinburgh
  7. maguire

    maguire LE Book Reviewer

    I bet you like peter kay dont you.
  8. oldbaldy

    oldbaldy LE Moderator Good Egg (charities)
    1. Battlefield Tours

    Bloody hell, they're running?
  9. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Oh no theyre not!
  10. I don't get the last one, about the wooden spoons with numbers on.

    Is it because Weatherspoons put your food order number on one?

    Ha Ha.:-D
  11. Actually no it just sits on princess street, not moving an inch, looks more like a train than a tram to be honest, i was imagining it would look like one of the original old trams but no.
  12. The would have if they left them in place the first time cant believe we were the only country in europe to get rid of them would have been a great tourist attraction in both Glasgow/Edinburgh. Still dont fancy paying my council tax in Edinburgh for the foreseeable future Belfinger the German firm will be getting the finger for the extra £80m they are looking for

  13. Oh nooooooooo. That was my attempt at one of their one liners :)
  14. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    An awful lot of the money for the trams was spent on Consultants.
  15. Tim Vine is funny. Or at least his jokes are funny. Which means Tim Vine is funny.

    Story - of - end (rearrange whichever way you coose)