Top nights & wanton vandalism - tales of debauchery (merged)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by the_rigger, Jan 12, 2003.

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  1. How annoying is it when at the end of the month, you are so skint you have to raid your jew jar for the last bit of change that will go in the Naafi vendor. However you are so lashed that once you have put in all your money, you press the wrong button and an empty compartment comes round. And then the old man has the bare faced cheek to put you on a fizzer for smashing the place up in an asbach fueled rage.
    By the way if you swear in this forum it gets censored. Voice of the Toms my arse!
  2. MMMmmmm I believe in what your saying.  Myself and two fellow buddys did the same thing in Berlin in '87.  Except the NAAFI was closed (around 3am), and we 'helped' each other through an open window.  Said vending machine and many Marks later, we walked away with a NAAFI sausage roll and a pint of Danish milk.  Horray for empty vending slots !!  And piissed up squaddies.  NAAFI.... take notice !!
  3. The vending machines in Minden were always empty, therefore nothing to steal.

    Faced with a choice of Gyros pommes Mayo or Stale NAAFI ginsters I know which i would go for
  4. Having the vendors smashed up was the least of the problems for the Nadjer people in Arnhem Barracks, Aldershot.  Every week or two they had to bring in a disinfection team dressed in full NBC kit to sort out the microwave. You'd just go to pop in your Ginsters Ploughmans, and find a brown trout, that had been laid and baked on full power for a couple of hours.

    Mind you, it was still a toss up between the turd and the ploughmans!!!
  5. I recall a large gentleman named Jules killing a rat and then popping it in the microwave at Soest.

    Nice smell :)
  6. Convoy

    I was working in Warrington a couple of years ago when I visited Ronnies at lunchtime I walked into the Gents to find someone had curled out a Mr Whippy in a milk shake cup and place it under the hand dryer.

    It stank like a thousand rotting bodies, when I breathed unaided again, I was trying to imagine what was going through the culprits mind as he laid his pressie. The reaction was tremendous, all the young staff behind the counter were gipping and they cordoned off the loos for over an hour and a half
  7. Back from my usual Sunday session..... hence starting to remember a few things..... the NAAFI at Hobart Barracks.  Someone, please, describe the eating-place in the vending area.  Memories are just coming back in my drunken state.  Ceiling was covered in NAAFI pies.  And I mean COVERED.  Floor was an assortment of pies, beer and vomit...... Right, Ground Force is on, so, Sod Off....
  8. I like the sound of that toilet trick.

    The originator of this thread, is known to me and had a couple like that up his sleeve. He was known as the Corps Power Pissing champion and could urinate over a 4 tonner without touching it.

    His favourite toilet game though was to go into the urinal and power piss onto the ceiling. This would treat the next user to a light shower of ammonia tinted rain.

    Rigger am i right??
  9. Another good microwave one used to be to put a lit fag, standing on its butt, in the centre of the oven and then nuke it for 30 seconds.

    Impressive firework display, even more impressive fire and absolute proof that NAAFI microwaves CAN be burnt from the inside out.

    Oh how I miss the days of mindless Korn fuelled vandalism  ;D
  10. Convoy WOW my hero I wish i could swamp over a four tonner without touching it, thats an impressive accolade I'm in awe ;D
  11. Remember the Hobart NAAFI vending area well.  Fuc#ing minging!  Someone decided to help clean it up by making a microwave bomb out of matches wrapped up in silver paper.  Full power for max time and BOOM!  Big fire followed by instant closure :)  they should have put a ladder in there so you could have got a pie off the ceiling when the machines were empty though....
  12. FAO Convoy_cock.
    Yes old boy, it is I, he of being able to Geoff Hurst over a four tonner, and undisputed 3 sqn/7sigs piss jousting champeen. I hope you appreciate the subtlety in the name.
    Anyway, carrying on with vendors, did anyone else used to call vending machine pies "Growlers".
    The only thing funnier than a pissed up bloke smashing up a vendor for ripping him off, is a pissed up bloke smashing up a vendor and falling asleep with his hand in the damaged machine's hatch. Ah the criminal mastermind of the drunken soldier.
  13. Reminds me of doing orderly duty at the Court Martial gaff in Aldershot. What a laugh

    They wheeled out this spotty 18yr old Slop Jockey, in front of 11 Field Marshals, 6 Admirals and a Japanese Colonel who still thought WW2 was on.
    They read out the list of charges which took ten minutes. In classic Bill Oddie tradition, this guy had been told to Foxtrot Oscar by his lantern jawed jerry girlfriend, so he decided to take an APC for a spin round the camp. After clipping the occasional building with the RPs after him like the Ant Hill mob, he took out six cars in the officers mess car park, probably ruining loads of Barbour jackets and bad cords. He ended up parking it in the foyer of the same mess. Best part was, there was a do on. He then gets out, with blood streaming down his face, cos he'd bust his conk, and starts to have a big piss against the side of the APC in front of all the officers horsefaced girlfriends. He then got thrown in the clink before washing up in Aldershot. They reckoned he'd done £450,000 worth of damage.

    After they'd finished reading the charges, this 103yr old general asked him, if he had anything to say in mitigation before the proceedings commenced.

    He'd had 3 months to come up with something good, that might save his neck. He stood up, took a deep breath and said,

    "Sir, on the evening in question, I had been drinking"

    Needless to say, he was cleared of all charges and promoted to "sloppy in charge of making sure that the tomato melts all the bread in the deathpack sandwiches"
  14. aaahhh. smashing up the naafi vendors... truly the sport of kings or lashed up full singly full screws who should know better. Myself and the rigger know a particular chap who for reasons of anonymity will be known as 'chalky', after a particulary heavy session in the pink flamingo aka glenns bar aka 7 sigs 3 sqn bar decided he would relive the naafi vendors of their contents - food and shrapnel!! When the feds raided his room the following day they were confronted by a room reeking of asbach and the whole floor covered in differing values of shrapnel and naafi growlers. The  perp was definitely as the rapper coolio so eloquently put it “living in a ginsters paradise”. What a winkle!! Mind you his street cred rose enormously after said incident!! :D ;)
  15. all ill say is SOEST naafi wrecked 24/7 vendors pi**ed in S**t in w****d in small vermin cooked in aswell as stray cats yes bostin we did it all also if u need any techniques for opening them little puppy dogs up just give us a shout me and a jock with sms use to specialise in the 6 ft piquet an excellant tool fine adjusting one for the use of

    oh and bostin dont use my nick name if u remember me its too obvious my first name is jay though u would remember that mate