Top Mong

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Draft Dodger, Jul 25, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. who was the biggest mong you ever met?

    for me a close run thing between one bloke who on at least two occaisions on the range went to cock the weapon then realised he'd lost the cocking handle. when on parade his phone starts ringing (you can see it lighting up through his shirt and after the Plt Sgt glares at him for about 90 seconds he says "somebodys phones ringing". he also used to stand with his mouth open all the time. we used to call him timmy after the retard in south park.

    the second bloke nearly shot guys in our Plt at least 3 times and eventually wanst allowed to fire unless his section cmd pointed at something and said "fire there and no where else". also saw him inching his way towards one of those big afghan gaurd dogs with some food on a spoon, it was up on its hind lesgs being held back by a choke chain and generally trying to bite his head off before the OC told him get away from the bloody thing. He also spent a lot of time slack jawed.
  2. Harvey Price.
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Lt L***tt Sch****er RE
  4. i think the first mong i mentioned actually had something wrong with him, he was always just stood staring at the sky with his mouth open and snot hanging out of his nose. he had one of the poorest levels of personal hygiene i have ever seen.

    Naturally he was a chef.
    • Like Like x 3
  5. We had a hobo - literally - in our Regiment (TA equivalent). When the regt was called up for 4 months a year, Spykerman was picked up from his park bench, scrubbed clean and given two sets of combats. At least for those 4 months he had food and a place to sleep.

    Our RSM was away for a few days and we had a visiting RSM in charge. Spykerman did something he didn't like, and the RSM instrucuted him to stand to attention on the parade ground until he felt the need to aoplogise. For two days Spykerman stood on the parade ground from sun up to sun down. The RSM backed off. That was the highlight of Spykerman's tour.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. We had one. He was from some remote Scottish island and could barely speak English. He only went for a shit once a week, he claimed this was normal, he also had personal hygene problems. When he went on leave it had to coincide with the arrival of a fishing boat at some God forsaken Scottish port, as there was no ferry service to his island. We used to pray that he would decide not to come back, but he always did.
  7. I've mentioned him before, but the bloke in our plt in NI, who got told to hold down an electric fence so the rest of us could cross it, grabbed it with his bare hands, and promptly started disco dancing, slowly shouting oowwwww!

    Mind you, I could nominate myself for crossing said fence while still pissing myself laughing at him, and then having the wire slip from under my boot and deliver some volts to my nuts, causing me to end up in the bottom of a ditch with a bloody nose and a bloody SUSAT...
    • Like Like x 5
  8. He stood there for two whole days?

    No food, water or piss breaks?

    The bloke must have been nails or more feasibly you are fibbing.
  9. Read my comments. He was a hobo. He stood on the parade ground from sun up to sun down. He lived in his own sh*t for 8 months of the year, another two days didn't make a difference to him.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. Never mind that, the RSM must've been well weak to give in like that
  11. when the second bloke told us his mrs was pregnant rather than the usual "congratulatons you retard" etc etc he was met with a stunned silence and someone muttering jesus christ under his breath.

    bit harsh, but fair.
    • Like Like x 3
  12. That gave me a chuckle, has a similar face meeting SUSAT experience, trying to be 'ALLY' and jumping of te back of a bedford.
  13. I feel your pain. :nod:
  14. odd, we had an Armourer in one of my units who lived an an island called Harris, up that way. He got an extra 5 days leave a year as the journey home was so long. could barely understand a word he said either.

    wasn't a mong though, in fact far from it, was switched on bloke and sharp at his work. got his lance jack at his first unit too.