Top Jobs


Noting that convoy_cock spent some time as a professional crisp eater, what's the best job you've ever had? Mine came about when I was at home on leave in the late 80's. I'd been for a swim at my local pool and as I left the building, a rather nice girlie with a clipboard approached me and asked if I would be prepared to take part in some market research. As my only plan at the time consisted of sitting in the outdoor cafe in Chelsea Farmer's Market, drinking cappucino and leering at passing women, I agreed. The next question confirmed that I'd made a good decision:

'Do you drink beer?'

I agreed that I did and we went through several more questions about what kind of beer I drank and how frequently. She seemed to be getting towards the end of the questionnaire and asked: 'Do you ever drink premium bottled lager?' Now if I was being truthful, the answer at the time was probably no: I was a confirmed Guinness and London Pride man, but I had noticed, while trying to look down the front of the girl's shirt, that on her clipboard was the instruction: 'If 'No' then close interview'. I felt that there was some kind of payoff due for answering all these questions so I said 'Yes': good answer. Next question:

'Do you live near here?'


'Would you be free to come back this evening and take part in a beer tasting? We would pay you for your time and get you a taxi home afterwards'.

Result! The upshot of which was that I got to spend an evening drinking bottle after bottle of strong lager (about 8 in all), writing down my impressions in an increasingly unreadable scrawl, and eating the free crisps and nuts they provided. At the time when you'd normally expect to get the bill, the nice girl came round with an envelope with £15 in it plus another fiver for a cab home. Classic, and I now class myself as a professional beer drinker.
My mate does something similar. He gets paid to go round pubs in town having a pint in each (usually about 8 pubs a night), then give a verdict on the service/quality etc... They even pay for his beer tokens. Spawny git.
I was employed by 'The Almighty' (in an unnofficial capacity) to cleanse the streets of England of 'Jezebels given over to wickedness.'
I am an Instrument of Satan. Luckily my duties are mainly ceremonial and the uniform, while a little warm in hot weather, is quite snazzy...

In the 1901 Census, my great uncle's occupation is described as "Brewer's Bottle Washer". A hundred years later I like to think I am still, albeit upstream of his role, involved in the family process...
Jet-ski instructor in Corfu in the late 80s! :D

AIDS had only just been invented, and girls were very friendly :D
In Cyprus I had the terribly strenuous job of wandering along a couple of beaches on the SBA and lecturing, oops, I mean offering sunburn prevention advise. a difficult couple of weeks I can tell you.
Being naturally lazy, I decide the best thing was to follow my own advice and take shelter from the sun, somwhere close to a source of fluids. It may be noted that most of the advice given out was to young, scantily clad ladies.
I was so dilligent in my duties that I assisted some of them in applying sun lotion. sometimes late at night.
I used to work in a ski resort in Canada selling googles and gloves to unsuspecting tourists and gaining shed-loads of commision.

I used to live half way up on mountain and work at the top of the other with the net result that I had to snowboard and catch the gondola to and fro work everyday. Oh yeh, and I got paid for it as it was classed as 'essential travel'. Nice. Free hot chocolate as well!
birduk said:
I used to work in a ski resort in Canada selling googles
You sold Google? You must be minted.
I have drunk beer with CPunk and can confirm that as long as someone else is paying he is a professional beer drinker (though only for the first eight pints).
I once worked in an area heath authority laundry, where I had the pleasure of putting sh*t, p!ss and Bloodstained sheets/jammies/surgeons gowns (which contained turds, stethoscopes, scalpels, discarded organs) into a hopper so they could be washed.......oh I'm sorry you meant top jobs!
I got to be conductor on that busfull of nurses from Rinteln :wink:
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