Tool of Torture

Found this the other day in hidden in a corner of an old store.

Every person that saw it (who was old enough to remember) started recanting stories about bumpering ceilings, walls and the like. Stinking of that yellow wax sh1t. Ah the good old days...............
I weep tears of nostalgia...

the hanting "click click" noise of the handle in the socket as it was pushed backwards and forwards over a gleaming glass like wooden floor with a small piece of someones blanket under it to finish off the floor
(you never told the person.... they just found out when they handed their bedding in and thought a big square mouthed moth had got to their blankets)

The humble bumper was my friend and constant companion during a year of Juniors, and my B3 Combat Engineer course at 3 training Regiment RE, where it was not unusual to find them needing new bristles from over use!

Versions with "sawn off" handles were found in the guard rooms of both these establishments to enable "FRED's" (Future Royal Engineer Disasters) to bump everything that didn't actually have a pulse.

I got a whiff of floor wax in a furniture shop recently and had to fight the urge to jump off the sofa I was sitting on, slam my foot in and scream "ROOM" at the top of my voice...which would of startled the young lady trying to sell me it I am sure.

Do training establishments now have self cleaning floors then?
or do they possess that holy grail of kit "the electric floor polisher"... i saw one once in training, in the QM's.... naturally unused and pristine.

Thanks for sharing this haunting image, I'm off now to bull my dustbin and fold all my socks into smiley faces..
Bumper Floor Hand Manual! Beautiful! I can smell that 'yellow gold' beeswax now. If I close my eyes I involuntarily shudder thinking of that 30Ib metal base whistling towards it's victims face whilst he slept.
Mind you it taught us all to sort our bed blocks out.
One in each hand for answering back on a drill course (I was right, mind you).

Bent double in 2 dress in 90 degree heat - all I did for half an hour was move my own swet around the floor. Oh - and learn not to answer back.
Memories of both - back in the times before contract cleaning when the lines were properly clean and the smell...ah the smell...
Xerxes_Blue_Cat said:

The Mk2. Be afraid...

ah, the rush of memories of both Mk1 and 2 put shivers down the spine. Met Mk2 before Mk1, didn't get the hang of the tipping of the handles to determine direction of the machine, so 1 drove, 3 others pushed it where poliching was needed.

met Mk 1 in a guardroom later that year "Standby.....CHANGE" (shudder)


slimjim said:
WTF is it?

It's what sent you to bed knackered & sent you to first parade knackered!


smallbrownprivates said:
met Mk 1 in a guardroom later that year "Standby.....CHANGE" (shudder)
Oh the joy of being guard commander & making sure the place was gleaming.
Mind you I bet the sh!tty RPs made them do it all again before & after NAAFI break!
Can we have a warning before posting such offensive images? NSFS (Not Safe for Squaddies).

I broke into a sweat just looking at it!!

Bloody Thing! :crying: :crying: =( =(
Remember the beginning of the end at RAF Swinderby. 2 new build blocks, with CARPETS. Not a piece of lino anywhere. God we were jealous.

The yellow polish is another of those smells that any servicemen will remember, like Brasso.
Gal in our block lost the key to her locker and decided the bumper was perfect for smashing the padlock off. She was right, lock came off along with one door and the other door had a semi-bumper shaped hole in it.

Mind we had just recently made the move to trendy wooden lockers. Getting the old metal ones out of the block scraped the bejaysus out of the floors so we all became rather expert at the delicate art of bumpering.

Giant tin of yellow wax and a bumper, Happiness is a waxy-parafinny-brasso-blanco kind of weird block smell..........

Edited to add let us not forget the joy of scraping old polish off floors using your buton stick.
:D We nicked the troop corpoals KF shirt from the drying room at JLR and wrapped it round the bumper to finish off, did a great job. He was so proud of his troop when PS sgt came in to inspect. That didnt last long 8O Oppps! but that was in 68 so a bit ago.

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