Tonys farewell speech MK 2

#1
I have obtained a draft of Tony Blair’s leaving speech on the BBC web site as leaked to me by his tea lady who wanted nothing for it but a few thousand pounds. I give you the transcript in full.

Hullo, it's me, Tony here. I've come on line to give you my final address before I leave for my new job as ambassador for peace in the Middle East.

First let me lay a few myths that have been spread around by my opponents. I won't name the protagonists because as you know I'm a pretty straight kind of guy, but you know who you are Gordon and Ed. See you at playtime, then we'll see who has the clunking fist. Tossers.

Anyway, back to the myths.

I said I'd serve a full term, and I did. Look, y'know, I began as PM and I left as PM so if that's not a full term then what is? I never said how long the full term would last, did I? And what is a term anyway, in these modern days? We need to cast aside outmoded ideas of what a full term is, and embrace the new way; the third way. And that's what we have done. We have successfully redefined the meaning of a term and what it means in modern society. And for that I am proud.

Then we have the European constitution referendum. Hey, look, I promised that we'd have one and we will, or at least we will if Gordon honours my promise. I know I signed an agreement last week but hey, y'know, that wasn't a constitution. Not a real one anyway. Just an agreement between European friends really; okay it went further than I wanted, especially the bit in which French police can cross the Channel and burst into our homes if they suspect us of smoking, but at least we safeguarded the human rights of Belgian paedophiles from persecution. And for that I will always be proud.

Lastly let me give the lie to the story that I have ignored the armed services. Nothing could be further from the truth. Far from ignoring them, I have made sure that they are leaner and trimmer than they have ever been in modern times. At the same time I have committed them to more operations than since the Korean War. If that isn't a sign of my commitment then I don't know what is. A busy soldier is a happy soldier, and soldiers have never been happier than during my reign as Prime Minister. And for that I am proud.

I have been your Prime Minister for ten years. Together we have overcome many obstacles, and I leave office knowing that this country is a better place than when I arrived. Apart from the flooded places that is, and the other spots where crazed terrorists are driving burning cars through the front doors of airports. Apart from that I am proud.

Thank you all for listening.

(Er, did I miss anything out Alistair?)
 
#2
PMSL, f.ucking hilarious, but a sad indictment of Bliar's legacy to this country. Don't hold your breath, but let's see if Gordo can do any better.
 
#3
saintstone said:
Don't hold your breath, but let's see if Gordo can do any better.
Gordo seems to be doing well - and that's quite a compliment coming from me.

In power for only a couple of days, he's already changed the names of a number of departments and we are assured that the spelling mistakes in some of the new names will be dealt with in due course. That'll give those fiends at al-Qaeda something to think about.

At the all important Home Office (or whatever it's called this week) he's swept away the useless John Reid and replaced him with, err, Jacqui Smith. By pure coincidence, she's one of Gordo's most fervent admirers and she looks forward to playing a full role in Cabinet once the testosterone jabs kick in and her voice finishes breaking.

Jackie er Jockie err Jack D err no I mean Jacqui was, of course, appointed purely on merit and she brings a wealth of experience from her previous jobs as err, a school teacher and, errm, as Deputy Minister for Wimmin and Equality.........

..... oh dear god - we're fcuked

(PS - if anybody wants a photo of Jacqui, it's on the Home Office web site titled 'Tony McNulty')

(PPS - Try to avoid getting blown up. The new boss of the NHS is an ex-postman without an o-level to his name)
 
#4
Yep, and to cap it off Harriot Harman is Labours deputy leader.

Hasnt she already proved herself unsuccessful in her previous role, when Blair sacked her?

Shes also anti Trident/ anti military....

God help us!
 

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