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Tonight I cooked..........


Book Reviewer
I’ve mentioned before that the missus has been dabbling with Hello Fresh.

It’s been alright, she’s gone from someone who could literally **** up beans on toast, to being able to follow basic recipes and produce something reasonably edible.

A week or two back she discovers some other company called Mindful Chef. It’s basically the same thing, just a different brand.

These companies usually do deals on your first order so we decide to give it a try. I leave the menu choices up to her.

The meals arrive today and I have a look at what she’s ordered.

Some cod stew thing that looks half decent and a.......... wait .......... what ......... the ............. ****? Is that ******* ............. no ......... it can’t be ............ ******* .......... tofu.

******* tofu.

She’s ordered some dirty vegan nonce food.

Tofu carbonara with chick pea pasta.

It took well over an hour to make and it was ******* rank.

We aren’t speaking now.

Dogs won’t even eat it.
View attachment 508052

Your own bloody fault for allowing her to bear your children.

Have you no shame, posting pics like that on here?
If you can get your hands on the Malawian Nali sauce, it's worth a go. Not sure if they have an agent in the UK but it's bloody good stuff. Might be a business opportunity there if you can get Levi Roots on board.

That's even worse. Surely he should have been using a set square and ruler to ensure consistent potato pieces, all facing grid North.
I have referred myself to the professional standards dept of this thread.

I will be reviewing my case in due course.
Still using my brother's pepper sauce. A quarter teaspoon at a time, it goes a long way.

7 Scotch Bonnet Peppers
15 Garlic Cloves chopped
15 Spring Onions - chopped
1 Large Carrot – roughly chopped
8 fl/oz Water
6 fl/oz White Spirit Vinegar
4 oz Yellow Mustard (Ready made)
Handful Coriander Leaves
2 T/B spoons Thyme
2 T/B spoons Fresh Lime Juice
1. Blanch chillies for 1 minute. Cool – remove stems.
2. Pulse chillies, garlic, onions, carrot and water until finely chopped. Add vinegar, mustard, herbs and
lime juice and blend until combined. Season with salt. Put into jars and refrigerate. Keeps for up to 12 months.

This stuff has its own MSDS. Do not piss or rub your eyes after prep.


War Hero
Curry Night.
Lamb rogan josh, prawn balti and Bombay spuds all home made (twisted curry co spices) samosas, bhaji and naan all Aldi. Gin fresh from the Plymouth distillery.


Rib eye steak, buttered home grown potatoes, mixed veg and blue murder cheese sauce.

Tonight's episode. Butter chicken curry. Chicken marinade of creme fresh, garlic, ginger, cumin, turmeric, fenugreek and chilli flakes lobbed in with fried onion, yoghurt and pasata. Served with rice. Nice!