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Tonight I cooked..........

I'm not supposed to use it any more, apparently I can't be trusted. Turning 10 kids into a human capacitor and telling the miscreant at the end to touch the metal sink is frowned upon.

They won't tell me where the keys to the radiation cupboard are kept either before you ask about that.
It's "kicking off here" mate...I'd just stand well back.

Those Northern Soul dancers have a fair range of kick on them.
 
I'm off bed now. Too much hassle typing on ipad.

Night all :)

Roadster... you w@nker:)
 
Right, drawing a line under this amusing-abuse shit (self, @supermatelot) in particular, I am wholly of the opinion that the regularly posting community on this thread can/could/should get its shit together and we have a cook-off. We can do better than we have been doing.

I set the challenge that we as a community produce our best efforts in the following categories. Judgment to be rendered next Friday, Aug 14, 2000BST (ie 8pm UK time). Judgement to be awarded on cumulative totals of Likes/excellents. No demerits for dîckheads trying to subvert the process with mong buttons. Like/Excellent only.

Categories:

1. BROWN
2. SUMMER (it is after all summer, so salads etc)
3. BBQ/GRILL/SMOKE (S African meat sacrifices in the Veld fit here)
4. BAKING (Bread, cakes etc)
5. ASIAN (Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Indian etc)
6. COMPLETE MEAL (starter, main course, dessert)
7. QUICK SNACK (Short preparation, but beyond a pot-noodle)
8. ROAST (we do lots of these)
9. BREAKFAST.
10. DESSERT
11. EXHIBITION - Anything you like that doesn’t fit the above.

That’ll do. If it‘s OK by the gang, I will collate the responses mid-afternoon my time Friday and kick out the answers shortly after 8PM BST.

Please put your category entry as the title and/or the first line of the post. Multiple entries not allowed. It’s either in ROAST or COMPLETE MEAL, for example.

Not wanting to be a dïck, but for the sake of expediency, I’m setting the rules. Happy to take advice but someone’s got to run it. That’s me. PM me if I’ve missed something. I’m not a total dïck :)

Prizes? Fvck all other than kudos.

Game on, eyes down, look in, best of luck.
 
Last edited:

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
I'm not supposed to use it any more, apparently I can't be trusted. Turning 10 kids into a human capacitor and telling the miscreant at the end to touch the metal sink is frowned upon.

They won't tell me where the keys to the radiation cupboard are kept either before you ask about that.

Cant' you smuggle a Wimshurst in and tell them it's all about moving pictures?
 
165 quid for a butchery class?
I know, but cheaper than the knives she had her sights on.

Last year it was an 'Introduction to Shooting' class - clay/game that is not target
 
FVCK IT ALL!!! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO FVCKING NAIVE!!!

The Matelot has just PMed me to tell me that he is from....

wait for it.....

FVCKING WIGAN!!!!

”Hello, is that the Mess Manager? Please could I sign out the Webley and one round?”

CVNT!!!

:)
Be easy on him, he could have admitted he's from Skem.

Oh wait.......no one ever admits to coming from Skem, they'd rather claim they were from Kirby than Skem
 
Right, drawing a line under this amusing-abuse shit (self, @supermatelot) in particular, I am wholly of the opinion that the regularly posting community on this thread can/could/should get its shit together and we have a cook-off. We can do better than we have been doing.

I set the challenge that we as a community produce our best efforts in the following categories. Judgment to be rendered next Friday, Aug 14, 2000BST (ie 8pm UK time). Judgement to be awarded on cumulative totals of Likes/excellents. No demerits for dîckheads trying to subvert the process with mong buttons. Like/Excellent only.

Categories:

1. BROWN
2. SUMMER (it is after all summer, so salads etc)
3. BBQ/GRILL/SMOKE (S African meat sacrifices in the Veld fit here)
4. BAKING (Bread, cakes etc)
5. ASIAN (Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Indian etc)
6. COMPLETE MEAL (starter, main course, dessert)
7. QUICK SNACK (Short preparation, but beyond a pot-noodle)
8. ROAST (we do lots of these)
9. BREAKFAST.
10. DESSERT
11. EXHIBITION - Anything you like that doesn’t fit the above.

That’ll do. If it‘s OK by the gang, I will collate the responses mid-afternoon my time Friday and kick out the answers shortly after 8PM BST.

Please put your category entry as the title and/or the first line of the post. Multiple entries not allowed. It’s either in ROAST or COMPLETE MEAL, for example.

Not wanting to be a dïck, but for the sake of expediency, I’m setting the rules. Happy to take advice but someone’s got to run it. That’s me. PM me if I’ve missed something. I’m not a total dïck :)

Prizes? Fvck all other than kudos.

Game on, eyes down, look in, best of luck.
Can this be extended until say the 15th? Im 6 on from tomorrow and 14th is start of my next set of rest days- I'll have just come off a nightshift then.
 
Can this be extended until say the 15th? Im 6 on from tomorrow and 14th is start of my next set of rest days- I'll have just come off a nightshift then.

Yes, certainly. 2000BST Saturday 15th it is.

Edited to clarify what I meant by no multiple entries - you can enter as many dishes in as many categories as you like, even multiple dishes in the same category - but you can’t put the SAME dish in multiple categories, say a plate of chips and gravy as BROWN and also QUICK SNACK.
 
Yes, certainly. 2000BST Saturday 15th it is.
I have to say though - and I can only speak for myself but - I pretty much "like" every submission on here as a matter of procedure - and instances where I have not are mostly due to having been on the Ipad and it playing up.

We also have well established 'experts in their field' on here. You and BBQs & beards. @Ortholith on all things 'brown' - after he so violently pulled @Kirkz pants down last year.

Mush dad - all things arty-farty.

I've decided I'm going to pick a category and go directly against one of the established experts.

I have not decided which yet. Will require some research and logistical appraisal.
 

ancienturion

LE
Book Reviewer
Shame really because I liked this thread when it showed the results of people cooking, how they did it and with what.
 
Is it stuff only cooked for the competition, or are we submitting previously cooked dishes?
 
Is it stuff only cooked for the competition, or are we submitting previously cooked dishes?

ooh, that’s a good question. I think it’s got to be for the competition, otherwise it’s not a level playing field. I could for example pull out a particularly photogenic loaf I’ve done In the past, or you could re-use the very best of your creations, which I think is an unfair advantage to those with such a bank. @Ortholith or @Kirkz wouldn’t need to do anything to win the BROWN category hands-down otherwise.

But open to suggestion, if there are other ideas. I’m just trying to put the thread back on track a bit, as @ancienturion alludes to.
 
I'm not supposed to use it any more, apparently I can't be trusted. Turning 10 kids into a human capacitor and telling the miscreant at the end to touch the metal sink is frowned upon.

They won't tell me where the keys to the radiation cupboard are kept either before you ask about that.
They should expect one or two deaths per term , tell them to stop interfering with proper science.
 
Mush Dad is doing good work but he's obviously cooking for his ntombezaan, hence it gets a bit twee at times.

Cap'n Plume is doing the kind of scoff that has me dribbling gently into my keyboard.

Roadster a bit OTT, turning a piss up with shed loads of meat into a soap opera.

Standing by to be surprised and titillated.
 
Shame really because I liked this thread when it showed the results of people cooking, how they did it and with what.
It still is. Nothing has changed.
It's also one of the very few threads on here that are entirely self-policing.
 
Mush Dad is doing good work but he's obviously cooking for his ntombezaan, hence it gets a bit twee at times.

Cap'n Plume is doing the kind of scoff that has me dribbling gently into my keyboard.

Roadster a bit OTT, turning a piss up with shed loads of meat into a soap opera.

Standing by to be surprised and titillated.

I have a few concerns about you. You state that wearing sandals is the mark of, and I quote: "an uber Het".
What you fail to mention is you paint your toes a rather fetching shade of pink, and your sandals have a quite pronounced heel.
 
I'm flattered, @Lardbeast

May have to up my game this weekend from what I'd planned to cook!
 
I have a few concerns about you. You state that wearing sandals is the mark of, and I quote: "an uber Het".
What you fail to mention is you paint your toes a rather fetching shade of pink, and your sandals have a quite pronounced heel.

Fuck off, sailor boy.
 

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